OCTOBER 2020
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 (Foreword: My most heart-felt intention, from the very first moment, was to make certain that this little one was brought away from threats of predators, to be given a warm, dry, secure place of shelter, fresh food and water, care and attention so that s/he could heal and, as soon as wounds were healed and flight was again, possible, to be returned to the flock where s/he could migrate with the rest, come the moment, or stay with them through the Winter, which was already quickly approaching, safe, amongst his/her own. At NO time was it my thought, plan or intention to keep him/her, in any manner, in this house. S/he was born wild and free and that is how I yearned to see him/her again: with the flock that comes daily, to feed the fresh seed I make sure is there for them, at least twice daily. Mourning doves are NOT "domestic", they're NOT "pets" and even to the present moment, that is how I see this little one... "wild", "free" and certainly NOT a "pet".)
Tuesday 13 October:
I've a mourning dove in the spare room today. S/he's got a badly injured left wing and the left foot is just dangling, loosely. It appears to be broken... up at the belly! Not sure what got at him/her but I have my “suspicions”. Yes, I understand that cats do what they do, but it doesn't make times like this any the easier. Not to mention: “that particular cat” is well cared-for and about, is never in need of nourishment or comforts, so it didn't “hunt for food”. Just to “toy and mangle” and leave another Life in pain and suffering. (Not really unlike humans in that respect, I can't help but think.) - It rained most of the day, “typical” “North Country” Autumn day: damp and cold. I'd stepped out at about 10-ish, to put fresh food in the hanging feeder on the back gallery and saw this little one, just laying, in the drizzle, along-side the back walk. It didn't appear to be in any particular trouble, so I went on my way. Round about 11-ish, I had to go to market and the little one was gone. I just though it'd recovered and flown away. I've seen it happen before, birds being momentarily “off” or just slightly injured... flying into a wall or window or having had a spat with another bird, so I paid no attention. I was gone all of about 90 minutes and as I was coming back into the house, I noticed the little one UNDER the bottom step of the stairs to the porch! It had managed to get out of the rain and out of plain sight and was “huddled” there, in the wet dark! I put the groceries on the porch and went to see if s/he'd try to fly away. I got back to the walk, bent down and put my hand out to him/her and there was just no reaction! Eyes were open, there was definite breathing, but there was NO effort toward “escaping”. This little one was seriously injured and now, cold, wet, probably exhausted and terrified! I couldn't, in all clear conscience, just leave it there! The thought of the cat returning, or some other predator coming to get it to just rip it apart... NO! So... I lifted him/her up in cupped hands and brought him/her into the house and set him/her down on the living-room carpet. Soft, warmer than out-side, dry and safe. It just laid there, on the floor, one wing extended, making no attempt to move. In a rush now, mostly to make this little thing as comfortable as possible, I got a cardboard box that was, well, a bit on the “large” side bit better than being too small, and took some flannel sheeting and put that in. As I lifted the little dove, again, no effort or attempt to escape. Things were looking really bad, but I wasn't about to just toss the whole situation and the dove, out the door. Better to give this little Life a chance and if my efforts don't work? Well, at least s/he can “go” in some semblance of peace and not be torn apart. - Once the box was done, dove inside, all in the living-room in a quiet, darker corner, I rang D. I thought, with all HER love of “critters” and taking care of them, she'd HAVE to know what to do or at least, have some ideas. Best she could offer: Give it a name, call it “Little D” (dove), make sure it has water to drink and... good luck. Yeah well, fine. Looks like I'm on my own here. No prob. - As I was talking with D. “Little D” had managed to get out of the box! I went into the living-room to find him/her on the floor! I took that as a good sign. At least “Little D” here has the where-with-all, the feistiness, and the ability to “escape”. Bad news... can't fly AND can't WALK! I could see, perfectly well, as s/he stood there on the floor, the left leg literally just hangs, lifeless! Not only is it a bit sickening to see, it's heart-breaking! I have NO idea WHAT to do about “bandaging” such a tiny leg, and if it's been broken to where it'll never heal, it'll just continue to hang there, being in the way for this little bird... or... it'll atrophy, die, maybe just “rot off”. No matter what, it'll cause pain and if it dies off, infection as well. OK. There's a LOT I need to do, even more I need to learn. But right now, this little one needs a safe place to stay, at least for the night. I don't just happen to have a cage of any sort so... time for some imagination here.
OK a LOT of “searching” on-line for information, suggestions, recommendations, education, “opinion” (of course), some encouragement, disappointment, annoyance, but I'm a bit farther ahead than I was earlier today where “Little D” is concerned. First off, I've managed to make a bit of an “enclosure”... a sort of “cage”. Took the 2 pieces of that wire mesh I had out back and, criss-crossed them, pulled up the “sides” to make a sort of “box” shape. It's not nearly high enough, as far as I'm concerned, but I don't fore-see any “flight attempts” coming in the near future so it'll do for now. At least it's a “safe space”, so to speak. A quiet little place and there's no chance the little one will wander about the house. No telling where s/he'd get to... under furniture or behind the stove, fridge, or be in the middle of the floor if I have to get up during the night. There's a triple-layer of kitchen roll on the bottom so that little leg doesn't get caught in the “mesh”, the flannel is in a corner. And I've taken the tops of little spice jars, one for food, the other for water, and they're in there too. The whole thing is on the work table in the “drawing room”, by the windows. Curtains are closed. - I did manage to find some information on bandaging broken wings and even how to “splint” a broken leg! The wing bandaging looks to be a bit easier. I'll run into town tomorrow and get the gauze bandage. But for the leg, the recommendation is using a paper drinking straw, cutting it to the length from the top of the foot to just under the belly, splitting it length-wise so that it's like a long “band”, putting cotton or some “cushioning” round the leg, wrap the straw round and securing it with a bit of celo-tape or something of the sort. Just have to be careful with the gauze round the body, to make sure it doesn't “block” the “back end” under the tail... poor little thing will have to be able to “go”. And where the leg's concerned, to make sure it doesn't “cut into” the top of the foot or the under-belly. It's going to take some effort because I'm SURE there's going to be some resistance, after all, this is a mourning dove,first and foremost, a bird, secondly, a wild bird who has absolutely NO reason to trust me, a human, especially after suffering the trauma of being attacked already. And the worst of it all: I have NO way of making it understood that I'm NOT an enemy. (Where's a “Dr. Doolittle” when you need one?) Oh, and I've already checked to see about getting a proper cage. Anything worth having runs 40 dollars and more! I thought I might find something more in the 20 dollar range. And, of course, as it is these days, anything would have to be “ordered on-line” and then WE, this little dove and I, will have to wait... for about a week, for anything to arrive. Ah, and stores wonder why they go  out of business. Wasted natural space, is what they are any more. Besides, right now, I don't even know if the little one is going to survive the night. BUT... all said and done at the moment, for tonight, s/he's in a safe place, out of the reach of predators, out of the rain and cold. - It's after mid-night already. There's nothing more I can do. (I can't help but remember that one visit to the ER almost 2years ago, now, when I mentioned to one of the attendants that I was a Nurse. The woman, just younger than I replied “Honey. You're never 'was' a Nurse. Once a Nurse, always a Nurse.” And that gal on the porch in Rockaway, another Nurse, who said “We become Nurses because we understand that our lives are a mess and we can't fix it so we dedicate the time to trying to fix everybody else's.” Well, if I can “fix” the live of this little bird here, that'll be enough for me. We'll see what the morning brings. At least the little “patient” is safe and sheltered.)
Wednesday 14 October:
Got out this morning round about 10.30 and got the gauze bandage, cotton balls, more kitchen roll and more of the “Wild Songbird” seed that the birds out-side have been enjoying and I'm assuming “Little D” had come to the house for when the “trauma” struck. I've tried bandaging the left wing... TRIED! The gauze slips over the feathers and I can't tape it to them! I tried about 5 times to get it into place and every time I thought I'd figured it out, it just all slipped and bunched. I've given up on that effort. There's quite a “gash” where the left wing meets the body. Feathers completely missing, down to the skin and it's a bit “raw”, but not bleeding, thankfully. (It hurts ME just to look at it, and then, to imagine what must have happened to cause the injury! “Nature”... “Life”... more often than not, more-so in situations such as this, it angers me. I never could, still don't and likely never will understand nor accept the infliction of pain... for ANY reason.) What was truly touching... all the while I worked, the little one was as calm as could be, as if there actually was some kind of “understanding” that I meant to help and certainly, I presented no threat. And as for the leg? I just don't have the slightest idea WHAT to do about that. It looks to be completely useless now. There's no sign of any cuts or bleeding. It just seems to have been broken... but up at the body, under all the feathers. To try to imobilise it that far up... well... more bandaging round the body, then round the leg... I'm terrified of traumatising this little one and I'm in absolute terror at the thought of causing more damage. Plan of action: keep looking for more information on the Internet. Looks like I'm in this on my own.... WE'RE in this on OUR own! But it was just SO sweet, how she remained so calm, so trusting as I tried my best for her today. I've no idea where this will go, or how long she'll “hold”, depending on the severity of her injuries, but we're together on this, no matter.
16.23 Just in from talking with the folks next door and told them about this little mourning dove. Mr. recommended that I go across the road to the couple there. “They're bird people.” he said. Well, my great fortune (and not), Mr. “Birdpeople” was working in the yard. I had some hope when I went over. But I have to say, not only was the hope “tarnished”, faith and confidence were, pretty much, dashed. The apathetic tone when I was told there IS a place that will take larger birds, birds that are “endangered” and such, but they won't “bother” with mourning doves. His “bird people” advice? Put the little one in a shoe-box with some paper and “wait”. Make it “comfortable for what-ever time...” Gee. “Bird people”. May the gods keep a particularly “care-full” eye on the birds of the wild whilst “bird people” with THAT little compassion are out there. I can't and won't hold my tongue: THAT wasn't just disappointing, it's turned my attitude. HOW-EVER... WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE... I SEE THAT S/HE IS EATING!!! S/HE FOUND THE LITTLE DISH OF SEEDS AND OBVIOUSLY HAS “TAKEN NOURISHMENT” TODAY BECAUSE THERE ARE SEEDS ABOUT THE CAGE AND THERE ARE FEWER IN THE LITTLE “LID”!!! IT PAID WELL TO GET THAT OTHER BAG OF SEED THAT I BOUGHT THIS MORNING FOR THE FLOCKS IN THE YARD! AND I'LL SUPPOSE WATER IS BEING TAKEN AS WELL SO... THAT'S A GRAND SIGHT TO BEHOLD!!! Yes, it's most likely just “a matter of time”, but at lest the little bit is away from danger, doesn't have to go “foraging” for nourishment. I wish I knew if s/he's in any pain and how to make things better, but again, at least there no need to “go” to find food and water, and there protection from the elements, the night's cold, and there no danger of predators. “Palliative Care”...
16.44 THE MOURNING DOVE IS A MRS. JUST CHECKED. HEART-BREAKING... THEY MATE FOR LIFE SO SOME-WHERE THERE'S A MR. OUT THERE AND SHE'S IN HERE. AH... SO IT'S JUST THE 2 OF US NOW... “MATED”, AS IT WERE. THE SWEET-HEART. WELL? I'LL DO MY BEST... INDEED, I WILL.
23.38 Ms. “Little D”, as she may be, is sleeping in the “drawing” room, safely, again tonight. I don't know that she'll be “with me” for long, but she's eating, “taking nourishment”. I'll suppose it's an indication that she knows she's being loved. My heart breaks... they're monogamous, mate for life... and here she is, separated from her “Mr.” But she's not being tortured, torn to pieces whilst alive. She'd not fending, nor fighting for her survival in the darkness, the cold, alone. I'll do my best for her, for as long as we're together.
Thursday 15 October:
8.25 Mrs. Dove is awake, has obviously eaten, has also shat (indeed... in quite a copious quantity... I'll be changing the paper again in short order this morning). When I went in to see her I said “Looks like we're in this together.” It's just a matter of “who will go first” (her, because of “natural causes” as they might be thought of, or me, with my now-comparatively petty health issue). (I'm hoping it's her, so that she's not left to those who'd just as soon put her out the door. As has been said: at least she's protected in here. It's not the best life, but at least she won't have to suffer needlessly. After all... isn't that what it all should be? No needless suffering. I've got the space and the means to keep her with food and water and a clean, safe place. Its all I can do... She's sheltered and cared for and about.)
13.57 Ms. D's “home” has been cleaned and I put the bag of “Wild Songbird Mix” seeds through a strainer to separate the larger seeds and nuts that she obviously doesn't like (since, what she doesn't leave in the dish are scattered about the cage) so there's a container of just HER little seeds now... just for HER. She seems to be doing rather well. I wish I knew that to “do” about the broken leg but she seems to be moving about in that “cage” a bit more AND she's not as “jumpy” when I open it and change the papers and such. We shall see... the little bundle of feathered love.
21.35 So... it was a nice day and Mrs. D. was a delight! She's eating VERY well AND taking water. Good signs. (How I wish I could know what to do about her broken leg though. Poor thing.)
 Friday 16 October:
6.32 Apparently it isn't yet time for Mrs. D. to be up and about yet. Well, it's a rainy day and she's “convalescing”. I surely won't go a disturb her. Today I ought to figure out what to do about her leg so that it's not in her way. I can't “remove” it. And of course, it's broken too close to her body to “splint”. The gauze doesn't stay on her feathers because they're so “click”. AND... I need to think about a little “bath” for her too. She's sitting all the time, and sitting in shit. I don't want her injured in water. I'd like to give her a week at least, to “heal” what will be healed... We shall see... indeed. Meanwhile, she's here, sheltered, protected, cared for and about and yes, Loved.
16.27 Sat with Mrs. Dove for a while today. She's behaving “strangely” today, fearful of me, staying to her corner. (Not so “strange”, as I think about it. After all... people aren't exactly the best friends to mourning doves. Perhaps she's feeling better and maybe her pain is diminishing and her instincts are returning to their necessary sharpness.) I've left the desk light on in her room for a while. Not sure “why” but...
23.13 Well... the day is done... Ms. Dove's “papers” have been changed, her “meal” was “served”. I keep the food in her dish as fresh as can be. Thankfully, she's still eating quite well and drinking water. And she appears to be “adjusting” to having the one leg. Poor little thing. I can't help but wonder what's going to happen to it... should she survive any length of time. We shall see...
 Saturday 17 October:
9.10 Mrs. Dove's paper have been changed this morning, food and water freshened. She appears to be “adjusting” to the one leg/foot situation, but she's still not “pleased” when I “clean house” for her. Oh well...
13.42 Today, the windows in Mrs. Dove's room (formerly the “Drawing Room”... it's hers now) have been “sealed” against the cold drafts and the encroaching Winter. The sun is POURING in through her windows today and there's warmth in there for her. I had to Hoover the house and her room and she seems none-too-please about having been moved about and the “wizzing” of the Hoover. She's still skittish when I'm “too close for comfort”. But then, it hasn't been a week yet so... we shall see.
16.16 Mrs. Dove has made quite the mess with her “luncheon” today so there's the “changing of the papers” again. But I don't mind, really. The sun is setting already. I've put the desk light on for her for a little while. Not sure why. Were she out in the “natural”, she'd be in a barn or tree or some place, getting ready for sleep (I should think, with her flock... which breaks my heart again, when I think of here here, alone... I mean, I'm not really “company” to/for her, I'm a “predator”, even though I try to be a “companion” of some sort). But I just feel that the more she sees of her surroundings, the more at ease she'll become with them. “Speculation” and “conjecture”, but it's all that I've got. At least her house is clean and she's safe.
18.20 Well, another day draws to a close. Mrs. D's house is clean and tidy, there's fresh food and water. Her wings seem to be improving. She's “flapping” them, as if to “settle” them. That's more than she's been doing with them. She's held them close to her, motionless, for the most part. OH! If ONLY I could do something for her leg. But, SO important: she's eating and taking water. That's a comfort (to both of us, really).
Sunday 18 October:
9.41 Woke, this morning, to a “hard frost” on the grass. I tend, now, to think of the little bit of “Life” here now... the little mourning dove I've taken-in to give care to, at least until she's able to take wing in time of need... and, I hope... I HOPE, until the cold of Winter has passed and she doesn't have to go out there, to be alone, defending against predators AND freezing, slowly, to death. I just don't want this little bit of life to suffer any more than she already has done. I think of my own “health situation” and what would happen in the event of my “demise” (as it's called): hauled out of here, the house stripped of “furnishings”, the plants will be tossed (no doubt) and she'll be “tossed” out into the cold, the snow, the ice... “They” won't give a shit one way or another. Even the “bird people” across the road... “get a shoe-box...” I'll give her, ms. Dove, the best of what I have for as long as I possible can... solemn vow.
23.17 The day has passed. Rains coming tomorrow, claims the forecast. Ms. Dove is safely resting in her room, clean paper, fresh food, fresh water. All's well tonight and I think of getting up tomorrow morning... “breakfast” for the little one. It was a FULL day of coming and browsing the Internet to find and learn as much as I possibly can about mourning doves. Everything from their habits, habitat, what's best to give for food, what to look for as an indication of their health and what to do for injuries and other health issues. “Obsession”? No, I wouldn't call it that. “Determination”... to keep a “vow” to get this little one “back on the wing” and “back with her flock” as soon as is possible. I'm in no particular rush to get her out of here. The nights are getting bitter cold and I just want to be sure that she won't have to fight against that... and freezing... to death. I've taken her in with the intention of giving her time and a place in which to heal in peace... and there's SO much I don't know (and SO much that those who DO, won't offer). Let's just call it “purpose”... as well as a “vow”.
Monday 19 October:
8.15 “House-keeping” services this morning, for the precious little Mrs. D. Fresh paper (I keep up with that, not only to check to make sure that her “poop” doesn't indicate any “medical issues”, but to keep her surroundings clean). THIS MORNING, THIS MORNING, SHE SEEMED TO BE DOING SO MUCH BETTER! HER LEFT WING (the injured one) LOOKED QUITE “NORMAL”, AND SHE STOOD... STOOD, BRIEFLY, ON THE “WONKY” LEFT LEG! I WAS SO THRILLED TO SEE THAT IT SUPPORTS HER LITTLE BODY!!! It truly is AMAZING and something I'll be focused on now.
20.22 This after-noon I took a walk down to the river to gather some grasses to make a “make-shift nest” for Ms. Dove. Mourning doves don't really make “nests” of much other than twigs and pine needles, but it just “feels” closer to “natural” that she should have a “nest” instead of the little “flannel cushion”, as it were. She does seem to be fine with the “cushion”, but again, it just doesn't “feel” (for me, anyway) as something she'd have “naturally”. I got much more than needed, but it's good to have extra in case of “soiling”. I grabbed a bunch and twisted it round into a “nest shape” and put it in the corner where she spends most of her time. AS I WAS WORKING, CHANGING THE PAPER AND PLACING THE NEST, SHE GOT OUT OF THE CAGE AND ONTO THE FLOOR! I HAD TO GET HER AND HOLD HER A LITTLE WHILE AND PUT HER BACK. IT APPEARS SHE RE-DISLOCATED THAT LEFT WING! DAMN! TOMORROW IS A WEEK. I JUST HOPE SHE HASN'T SENT HER-SELF BACK WITH INJURIES! But... tonight, she has a “nest” in there, fresh paper, food and water. We shall see. I have the little desk light on for her until I go to bed.
23.47 Ms. DOVE IS IN HER LITTLE NEST! I'D PUT IT IN A LITTLE PLASTIC BOWL TO KEEP IT'S SHAPE BUT THE BOWL WAS SO DEEP AND JUST AWKWARD, SO I TOOK THE NESTING OUT AND SHAPED IT INTO THE CORNER. IT'S LARGER AND MORE ACCESSIBLE. SHE'S ALL SNUGGLED-IN! (I've got another nest in the bowl, with another on top, pressed into it, “shaping”.) AS SOON AS I CAN, I'M OUT TO WALK TO FIND SOFTER GRASSES FOR HER! SO PRECIOUS! May she rest well, heal EXCEPTIONALLY well... and may I have the time to see her take flight and be free again.
Tuesday 20 October:
9.39 Ms. DOVE IS UP AND HAVING BREAKFAST!!! NOW THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED TO MAKE THE DAY TOLERABLE! SOOOOO HAPPY!!! I just keep remembering when “Mimou” (the cat in VT) was so terribly stricken with that abscess... when I spoke with the vet, the first question was “Is he eating?” When I said that he was, and very well, she said “If he's eating, he's going to be OK until we can get to see him.” Come to learn, when the little ones “know” that there's no sense in trying to survive, they stop eating. Well! WELL! THIS little one IS eating. And what a pure delight it is to be able to actually SEE her eating AND to know that she doesn't mind my presence whilst. She has, at least, some trust that I mean her no harm. Could there be a more glorious compliment, a blessing? I doubt it.
22.17 and another day closes, much later than I'd intended. Ms. Dove is snoozing in her nest... IN HER NEST! She appears to be fine. She's eaten 3 or 4 times today. I believe she's drinking water as well. It's been 7 days today that she's been with me. I need to get her “better quarters”. I might break down and get an actual “cage” for her. OR... make a better one with the fencing”. The horizontal space in this set-up is great for her. And she's not flying so she doesn't need a lot of vertical. But I'd like her to have some-thing more “suitable”... and some place for a proper nest of sorts. We're here, together, alone, in this situation. And... should things go well... we'll be together through the Winter. The little bundle of downy LOVE. Let's see what tomorrow brings. It was a rainy day today. Tomorrow morning is supposed to be more of the same, then a break and then more rain. Thankfully no “negative” temperatures in the 7-day forecast.
Wednesday 21 October:
9.58 Well, Ms. Dove's cage required no particular massive mess-cleaning this morning. I'm beginning to worry about where she's pooping now. I suspect there's a “surprise” in her “nest”. Thankfully, there's a replacement for her. So She got more foot at 8.30 and the other item of concern: I wonder if she's taking water! Until yesterday, it seemed she was. Well... we shall see how it all turns out. She's looking “comfy” as it is now. I'm going to replace the “sheers” on her windows. I have grey there, between the white curtains, but white sheers would bring more light into the room for her.
Thursday 22 October:
A sleepless night, last, as is, of late, becoming “normal”, and now, up and about, what's also “normal” is “health issues” and that poor little thing in that cage... should anything “happen” to me... going hungry and thirsty, alone, and the “villagers”... their first reaction to the dove will, most-likely be to toss her out... IT'S ALMOST NOVEMBER AND THE WINTER IS COMING, SNOW, BITTER NIGHTS, AND SHE'S GOT ONE GOOD LEG AND ONE GOOD WING!!! So what then? She goes out, and in a “best case scenario” of “life and death”... she's immediately “done-in”? OR... she lays about, some-where, on the freezing ground, until Winter takes her too?
19.21 Another day draws to a close. Today's washing is in from the line, clipped to hangers, hanging in the door-way to the “Dove's Room” (since that's what it is now), and shes all tucked-away for the night. Tomorrow she'll get a thorough house-cleaning. (She's NOT going to be thrilled about that, I can assure.) BUT SHE'S DOING SO VERY, VERY MUCH BETTER TODAY! SHE'S STANDING ON THE LEFT FOOT THAT APPEARED TO HAVE BEEN BROKEN. NOT “PERFECTLY STANDING” ON IT BUT SHE'S *WALKING* MOARE THAN HOPPING ABOUT ON ONLY THE RIGHT LEG!!! AND THE LEFT WING APPEARS TO BE BETTER WHEN SHE TRIES TO TAKE FLIGHT! I'M AMAZED! AND, SEEING HER IMPROVE IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE ON HOW *I* FEEL AS WELL! IF ONLY THE MONTHS AHEAD WERE TO BE WARMER, I'D SERIOUSLY CONSIDER (IF SHE CONTINUES ALONG THIS WAY) SETTING HER FREE IN THE OPEN AGAIN! BUT, FREEZING NIGHTS ARE AHEAD, MORE RAINS AT NIGHT IN THE FORECAST. I JUST DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TOSS HER OUT THERE IN THAT, ESPECIALLY AFTER BEING IN THE HOUSE FOR THIS WHILE. SURE, SHE'D PROBABLY RE-ADJUST TO THE OUT-DOORS, TAKE TO THE AIR AND TREES. WHO KNOWS? MAYBE EVEN DIND HER “Mr. Dove” OUT THERE, SOME-WHERE. BUT IT'S THE COLD, THE WET, AND THE FREEZING... I CAN'T... I JUST CAN'T BE THAT CRUEL. SO? WE'LL SEE HOW SHE MANAGES IN THE WEEKS TO COME. THIS IS ONLY JUST GETTING INTO THE SECOND WEEK. I READ THAT I SHOULD CONSIDER 2-4 WEEKS... HEY! IT TOOK ME 8 WEEKS TO GT MY FOOT BACK WHEN I BROKE THAT. AND ... I'M IN NO PARTICULAR RUSH. I'M JUS THRILED THAT SHE'S DOING SO WELL THUS FAR AND I'VE GOT THE PATIENCE... (I just hope I have “the time”.)
Friday 23 October:
22.50 Ms. Dove's house got cleaned AND made properly today. She's been in that thing the same way I “threw it together” in a bit of a rush, when she'd first arrived. 2 pieces of “construction mesh”, bent and held together with “twist-ties”. I'm not “thrilled” with it even now, but at least it's more “intentional” now, neater, a bit sturdier. I'll have to find her some-thing more “appropriate”... some-thing nicer, more “elegant”... the little sweet-heart... even though she's still so skittish when I'm in there, but I believe it's because she reacts to the motion and doesn't recall who I am. Still, she's a LOVE.)
22.50 And so, it's been another day of keeping busy, which is something I seem to do quite well. The new “health regimen” is going along well-enough. the goal? Spring... so I can release Ms. Dove back to be with her friends and such. Hopefully, there'll be many of them for her when she gets back out, and they'll love her and she'll be happy and healthy and free and wiser for the experience, more alert to what's out there to call her a “meal”. I can't help but think: she's one of the ones that “Natural Selection” meant to “take out”. She was the “slow” one. But I intervened and disrupted that “Natural Selection”. Not sure if that's good or bad... interfering with “Nature”, but, I DO suppose we're meant to be as we are: I'm providing her with a safe place to recover and she's providing me with a reason to “be”, and to take care of me... for her, as it is. And when I was putting the pages and images together for the Journal, July was “Baby Buzz” the humming-bird... October is “Ms. Dove” the mourning dove. Interference with “Nature”... and kindness to little Lives. (No good deed goes un-punished.) - Off to bed! This is enough. Tomorrow is 4 fucking hours of that shit-box next door... and then... as I see, Friday-week.... 4° for the high, -1° for the low and... chance of *SNOW*. HERE IT COMES!
Saturday 24 October:
9.42 A beautiful way to begin a day: When I brought fresh food and water this morning, Ms. Dove does what looks like a little “dance” and this morning, it just appeared to be even more cheerful. I have to wonder: Does she, some-how, understand that I'm here to “help”, to support, to be a good companion, a “care-giver”? (Or am I just guilty of “projecting” my own notions?) I'm just relieved that she's come to “accept” me and, so it seems, no longer “fearing” me and my presence. It must be “odd” for her, to see this hand come into what's “her space”, not threatening her in any way, but, rather, bringing food and water. If only she knew just how important she is to me and how much good it does my heart to see that she doesn't dear me. And I wonder: will she remember me when she's out with her flock again? Will she recognise me and remember that I mean her and hers no harm? Ah... the thoughts that run through the mind. But I DO feel so honoured. And I'm SO pleased that she's doing so very well in her recovery.
Sunday 25 October:
16.27 Well, it was a “Sunday”... and today's “Dove News”... I headed down to the river today, in search of more “nesting materials”. I recall a particular kind of grass that, when dry, is softer than the grasses at the river. What there's an abundance of is some sort of “saw grass”. It's stiff, harsh, the kind that, when grabbed the wrong way, cuts into the fingers. Ms. Dove doesn't seem to mind, but I'd like to provide a softer “home” for her. And the weather is getting so much colder, it won't be long before the river is frozen, the banks covered in snow and ice and there's no grass of any sort to be found. But, when I get what's available, I bring back enough to make several “nests” and they get changed every few days, on the chance that there's anything in there that might be a “threat to health and well-being” (like... “poop”). When I got back from the excursion, did some “house-keeping” and as I did, she started her now-almost-usual “dance” as I began, but then, retired to her “corner nest” and watched... I mean, she “watched” as I changed the kitchen roll. I've put a cutting from a tree limb in that corner now, to “hold” the nest in place, and, of course, fresh food and water which is daily. And I “hear she's at the food as I type this. Sweet little thing. She really is quite funny too. When I'm not looking, she'll eat. When I peek in, she stops. And some-times I look in to see her, with neck extended, look from her nest, out the window. And then I do in and the feathers FLY about. Ah... But she IS walking MUCH better. If that wing were OK and the weather no so “vorboding”, as it were, I'd set her out on her way. Well, we'll keep an eye open for at least a week of “warmer”... if such a thing will happen before June 2021. Meanwhile, she's here, she's safe, warm, protected and LOVED!
Monday 26 October:
7.57 “Breakfast has been served in the “Dove Room”. She appears to be “well” this morning, almost “content”. It's almost fascinating how she doesn't even try to find a way out of her little enclosure, and she doesn't appear to be “stressed” in any way. Well, it's chilly and raining out there again today, and here, she's warm and dry, plenty of food and fresh water, and a comfy little place to “nestle” out of and away from the elements. No need to go “foraging” and no threats from the cold and wet. I find comfort and solace in being able to provide that much for her.
21.42 Ms. Dove has her “evening” food and water and her curtains are drawn, mostly to insulate against any cold that might come into the room. There's no need for her to be “chilled” in here.
Tuesday 27 October:>br />
5.45 Waking from a dream: I was giving Ms. Dove more food when I noticed a bit of a mould or fungus on the seed in the container. I said to “Cindiviv” (somebody who “represented” 2 people, as will sometimes happen in dreams) that I didn't understand it, that seed shouldn't go “bad” and hoped that I hadn't been giving her (Ms. Dove) any seed with the mould on it. “But you have. Look...” said Cindiviv, and I noticed that there was in fact, some on the seeds that I'd put in the little dish. I was heart-sick for having given the poor bird some-thing that might make her ill AND because I really couldn't afford to go get fresh food for her at that moment BUT that I had NO choice. We HAD to go to the store immediately. - She's SO much a part of my life now, and her well-being is obviously part of my unconscious...
9.52 I woke, noted that dream and managed to get back to sleep for a while. When I woke, I put the kettle on for coffee and went, immediately, to check on Ms. Dove. I MUS TNOTE THAT SHE'S IS STANDING AND WALKING INCREDIBLY WELL THIS MORNING! REALLY! IMPRESSIVE! SHE'S AMAZING! HEALING AND RECOVERING SO QUICKLY AND SO WELL!!!
*** 18.45 *** Snow. *** Wet. Not sticking to the ground, but snow. *** It's changed to the slightest, lightest bit of a “chilled mist” now, but for a while, it truly was some snow. Well? Here we go! At least Ms. Dove isn't out in it. As a matter of fact, at about 14.00, I went to the market and when I got back, I headed down to the river with the clippers to get her more nesting grass because I saw the “snow” in the forecast. Ah well then... the bit of rain we've had rose the river just enough so I couldn't get out to the tufts of grass that I'd've liked to have gotten but I did manage to get quite a bit in a bag. So, I'm relatively happy with that much. There are some “clear” (but cold) days ahead and so there's time to get more. But there's quite a bit there now, for the immediate future.
Well... it's going for 21.00. Ms. Dove has been given more food for the night, her curtain is closed. She's fine (and doing SO WELL with getting around the cage... but I really have to start thinking about seeing how well she flies... not that I'll be tossing her out the door any time too soon, but I'm sure she could use the exercise... THAT should be “fun”).
Wednesday 28 October:
21.02 I had to be out most of the morning today, so Ms. Dove was left alone in the house. Yes, of course, she was in her “cage”, but the point of the trip is that I actually missed her, missed being in the house with her. I felt terrible, leaving her alone in what's probably still a strange environment. But when I got back, I carried everything in in one trip, left it all in the kitchen and went directly in to say “Hello”. SHE WSA INCREDIBLE! I TALKED WITH HER A BIT AND SHE JUST SAT THERE, STARING AT ME, NOT SHAKING, AS SHE OFTEN DOES IF/WHEN I GET “TOO CLOSE” TO THE CAGE JUST TO TALK. IT WAS SO PRECIOUS, SO UP-LIFTING! It would seem she's getting used to seeing me and hearing my voice and understanding that I'm not a threat to her. Ah... “time”. But truth is, we're both in an “adjustment” period. I'm adjusting to the responsibilities and time-frames of cleaning and providing food and water, and she's adjusting to the fact that I'm not a “predator”. One thing though, I don't want to spend “too much” time with her and I'd rather she didn't become acclimated to “people” because I SURELY DON'T want her going back out into the wild with some notion that “ALL” people hold her dear in their hearts. It's a tough balance, trying to give love and compassion and yet, maintaining a “proper distance”. Still, I'm so greatly honoured that she's “accepting” me.
Thursday 29 October:
18.15 Ms. Dove was quite animated today. And her cage NEEDS a thorough clean-up. I might give her run of the living-room whilst I “clean house” to give her some exercise. My heart breaks when I think: she might miss her “Mr.”, miss the ability to fly free, to travel, as I'm sure she would do “out there”. But she still limps a bit and that left wing doesn't “lay” on her body as it should, against her little body. I don't want her to be injured, have to fight against the cold rains that are falling, and against the bitter cold nights to come... not with her injuries. My heart is in the right place... I can only hope there's some sort of understanding... I doubt there is, but I can hope.
22.09 Just checked the forecast for the night: -9°C! - Earlier, I heard Ms. Dove fluttering about in her room (in her cage, actually). I'm SO relieved that she's not out there in her condition, having to fend for her-self. (Though I'm pretty sure she doesn't see it that way.) Well... She's safe and warm in here, has more than enough food for quite a while, and water. And there's a new “nest” waiting in the living-room and more nesting grass in her room for the next couple of nests. Hopefully tomorrow she'll have a bit of a “go” at larger space... in the living-room? We shall see how that works for her. (And how getting her back to her room “works” for me! OH MY!)
Friday 30 October:
8.30 UP! Out of the bed at 8.05. Kettle on. Get dressed. Food and water for Ms. Dove! She gets breakfast before I get coffee... that's my “rule”.
15.52 Shortly after 13.00 got to work cleaning Ms. Dove's place. She's a HOOT (or a “COO”)! I opted for a stint in a box instead of letting her run about the place, fearful that her little feet would get caught in the rug in the living-room. She went to the box with a little trouble, I pulled the paper and nesting out of the cage, brought it out for a shake and put it all back together, ever-so nicely. Getting her BACK? WELL! THAT WAS ACTUALLLY OME KIND OF FUN! SHE WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE IN HER ROOM! She's not “flying” very well (yet... I hope it's a “yet”) but WOW, did she travel! But I got on the floor and chatted with her a bit and getting her back into the cage was almost a delight. She went in, went to her clean nest and now when I go near, she's calmer. I THINK (hope) she's getting to understand that I'm NOT going to harm her in any fashion. (Looks like we're going to be together through the Winter... or until one of us “departs”... some-how.) She's a LOVE... a “mourning dove”, a “turtle dove”... a PRECIOUS LITTLE LOVE!
21.05 and I'm running late again... but the linens are dry, the house is in order, Ms. Dove is asleep in her room. And I'm SO GRATEFUL that she's protected tonight... Temperatures are expected to be -9° with a chill of -12°! AND THE SWEET HEART IS IN HER NEST, SAFE WARM, PROTECTED HEALING. My heart is “calm”. She's loved, sage, her little body can work on healing with NO threats to her. “Life”... (Most likely I'll be punished for interfering with “nature”, but perhaps it truly wasn't “her time to go”... perhaps it isn't MY “time to go” yet. Oh, the phantasies we spin in our mind. But, none-the-less, there's a little Life in the house tonight... and it's protected, cared for and about... and yes, very much LOVED. Meanwhile, as for tomorrow, it will fend for itself... I'll fend for Ms. Dove.
Saturday 31 October:
(Ms. Dove was OUT and ABOUT!)
9.19 I didn't get up this morning until 8.40! Ms. Dove was up and standing centre-cage as I passed her door en route to the loo. Poor baby! So I made quick of the loo, put the kettle on and of course, went in to check on “cleanliness” and food and water (and of course, above all, to say “Good morning”).
12.31 Just “sifted” the seeds in the new bag of “Wild Songbird Seed” so Ms. Dove has plenty of food in store. I feel it's my primary responsibility now to make certain that there's always enough food for her in the house at all times. After all... I brought her into the house. I'm obligated... obliged to her... and I don't mind at all... in fact, I think of it as a privilege.
23.30 Ms. Dove managed to get out of the cage when I gave her “lunch” today so I just let her have run of the house for a bit. She was SO FUNNY... scurrying (sadly, not flying) out to the living-room. Spent most of her tie under the “geranium table” by the front window. She's not flying... poor thing. But she was SO CUTE! Didn't seem to be in any sort of panic. She resembled an excited newly-walking toddler, with the rapidity and almost “excited” pace and the little “waddle” that doves have when they walk. And yes, she put up a bit of a fuss when I tried to get her back into her cage, but once in, she settled. I tend to believe that she's aware that she's not going to be harmed here. I can hope... only hope. - That's it for the day and I'm off to bed. AND... that's it for October! WOW! THAT WAS QUICK! And, it's been fascinating, educational... inspiring... and let's see what November brings... in the way of healing for this little life that's come into my home.
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