MARCH 2021
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Monday 01 March:
March is here and with it, so they say, comes the “Spring”. Well today wasn't “freezing” but it wasn't exactly “toasty” either. This month will be 5 months that Yonah has been in this old house and I'm not only growing anxious to see her back with her flock, I'm becoming REALLY concerned that she's become accustomed to being here. Some folks are saying “She has warmth, protection, plenty of good food available all the time, fresh water, clean surroundings... do you really believe she'll want to leave? They're not completely stupid, y'know. By now she KNOWS when she's got it good.”
IF it had been my intention to keep her here for the duration, to “adopt” her, that would be comforting. But that's never even crossed my mind. Today, as much as on the day I brought her in, I want to see her re-united with her flock, out flying in the open world, to go where-ever she wants, when-ever she wants. I want to at least, think of her with a mate, raising her own little ones. I WANT to know that she's back in the life she was born into! She's never be and never will be a “pet”. And it's that concern, compassion, caring and LOVE that's both a help and hindrance. I DON'T want her out there where she's not “adjusted” to the cold or even the “chills” of late Winter/early Spring. But I DON'T want her to EVER feel “captured” and “kept”. Oh... patience, I suppose.
Meanwhile, this morning, the doves and jays came for breakfast as they do, but this morning there were 8 doves... the even number saddens me. I could handle the odd number, thinking “One is missing... Yonah's place is still there... they're waiting for her return.” But 8, together... I can't tell from the distance how many and who is/are male and female. But 8 is too close to “established pairs”. Now I think: I can HOPE that Yonah will be able to get out there, either re-unite with her old flock or find another... one way or another, be able to find a compassionate mate either way and re-settle in her old life-style, settled down and raise a family. (Sure, there's a possibility that her “life span” would be longer if she were to stay with me, but that's really not the point. “Nature”... I often feel I've interfered more than my share already, and yes, I do feel guilty.)
That said, she's been “chanting” through the day, on and off, now and again so she's not miserable and she's not “uncomfortable”... she's not “afraid” of being here and for now, THAT'S IMPORTANT!
The day was mostly damp which didn't help matters much. And tonight it's supposed to be “seasonable” which means a bit chilly. There are more nights of -20° coming too! But a great deal of the Winter's snow and ice are gone... there's hope for “soon”.
This evening, there was a rather sudden drop in the temperature. The WIND and BLOWING SNOW pulled the warmth out of the air and in moments, we went from 5° to -6°! The forecast is for -15° so I'm just hoping the electric power doesn't go out at all... I'm not so concerned about the whole house... just one room.
But let the winds blow, the temperatures plummet other-wise... Yonah and I are here... together... and I'm SO blessed... SO VERY BLESSED!
 Tuesday 02 March:
WELL, INDEED... THE ELECTRIC DID GO OUT THIS MORNING! From 10.35 to 15.38! FIVE HOURS of NO ELECTRIC which meant NO HEAT! Thankfully, the day was brilliantly clear, the sun POURED into Yonah's windows (South side of the house) and managed to impart WARMTH in there. Out-side, the temperature was a mere 7°, the rest of the house dropped to 16° but Yonah's room, AND her “house” there-in? 21° was the average. (It did get down to about 19° but that was about 45 minutes before the electric came back and, to be sure, her radiator went on in her room, at highest setting, and the other one was set, also highest, at the door to her room... and of course, the furnace helped everything along nicely. I almost ran myself into the ground, constantly checking her room. I didn't care about the rest of the house, and I had the luxury of being able to put an extra sweater on. But SHE has her feathers... and that was that. (I had to smile when the thought of wrapping her in a little bit of a blanket and carrying her in a jacket, next to me all day crossed my mind. I mean, IF it had come to where that was necessary, she'd just have to adapt because I was NOT going to have her even “slightly chilled”! I'm SURE she would have gone a touch berserk. But hey! She'd be warm!)
As the house began to cool during the day, I went round lighting every tea-light I possibly could, just to keep SOME warmth in the rest of the house. But with the door to Yonah's room closed, it kept the sun's warmth in there quite nicely.
Oh too... she has that little “nest” of grasses in her house, so she had that as well. But truthfully, the ONLY thing that was on my mind, the ONLY thing I cared about all day was making sure she was warm enough!
As for the day, I spent most of it with her, in her room, talking “to” her. Every once and again, I tried to “coo” as I've heard her coo and... AND... FOR A WHILE, WE ACTUALLY HAD A CONVERSATION! I COO'ED “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo” AND SHE COO'ED BACK... “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo”! There were a couple of “Woo-Hoo-hoo-hoo” and I repeated what-ever she said... and this went on for a good 15 minutes or so! HOW I WISH I HAD ANY IDEA WHAT WE WERE SAYING TO EACH-OTHER! HOW I WISH! But it DOES bring me back to what I've said ALL along when it comes to the little ones: THEY can “learn” words that we say, in ANY language we speak, but WE, the “superior humans” can only GUESS at what THEY have to say to us. So much for the “superiority” of the human species. After all, the fact about that is: humans wrote it, in languages humans understand; that DOESN'T make it a fact. (In fact, I'd venture to say it's just a plain, out-right LIE! As they post on the social media these days: #ProveMeWrong !
Anyway, as we sat and chatted, even when I just spoke to her, she got herself quite cozy, at the front of her house, on the “floor”, just inside and occasionally SHE SILENTLY MOVED HER MOUTH, AS IF SHE WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME... AND SHE CLOSED HER EYES FROM TIME-TO-TIME! I started singing along with “Once Upon A Time In The West” and she actually almost dozed-off! SHE REALLY ISN'T AFRAID OF ME! She just doesn't want to be touched or “handled”. And I understand that completely! (It probably isn't a good idea for us to get that close anyway... she'll become too trusting of people and, it's bad enough she's been in a “people house” all these months and has, to be sure, “acquired” some sort of “fragrance” of “human” which, I seriously doubt will benefit her when she gets back to the flock. I'm for-ever aware of her return and I don't want to do ANYTHING that will interfere with her “re-unification”!) So we chatted about the weather, now and when it should get warmer, and what she might do when she's back out with the flock. I apologised for the cold and told her how much I DO LOVE her, how I'm SO impressed at her recovery from her injuries... and how I'll be quite “empty” when she's gone BUT I'll be SO happy to know that she'll be back with the flock... And, of course, I told her that I hope she'll come back to visit... and maybe bring the kids. OK. So there's a really good chance that NONE of it made ANY particular sense to her, but, I just hope that some-how maybe the tone of my voice, my facial expression gave some kind of message of LOVE.
One other thing that stays in my mind and heart always, these days, is the daily “reminders” I have concerning my health, and the relative “insecurity” of this place, this house, never knowing what will be dropped into the flat next-door. I want to put a place for Yonah to come back to, should she wish, for as long as she wants (or survives in the wild), but, should I need hospital (or... ), or should I ever move from here, no matter which, I'm really quite certain that those who can, will remove her little “sanctuary”, with-out a single thought. I know that it's very much like human parents and their children; they can't “be there forever”. My parents weren't “there” for, well, other than providing a “house” for the first 16 years of my life, the rest of my own life has been with-out either of them. There wasn't a “house” to “go back to” and there wasn't any other means of “support”. And then they died. That's how “existence” runs. But, un-like them, I don't want to be the same. I want to be there, here, some-how, for this little one, for as long as is possible, as long as she wants. And yes, I know... what we “want”, no matter what it is, we don't “always” get. Still... it will always weigh on my heart.
And there we have it, another day. And, for the greatest part of it, another day of AWE, thanks to this little life, this little bundle of “AMAZING” in a little feather coat. I AM *BLESSED* and SHE is the most BRILLIANT BLESSING possible.
Wednesday 03 March:
I “woke” this morning, with the alarm at about 5.45 and “snoozed” until, at about 6.15, I heard Yonah's “morning call”. As always, I hear her and I immediately smile. She's awake and it's time to open her house, open her curtains and get on with another day... another day “together”. So I got up, put the kettle on and went in to greet the GREATEST little companion on Earth! And there's NO convincing me that she doesn't actually show that she's actually glad to see me. She USED to stay in a corner of her little place, still and silent, as I went about opening curtains and the likes. Now, she just about goes on about her morning affairs, moving about, stretching her wings. There's no “fear” or “trepidation”. My heart just bounces with JOY (Although I truly don't want her to become accustomed to all of this “room and house service”, still, I MUCH prefer this over her being frightened every time I'm any-where near her. Can we have both?)
And she was MOST “vociferous” this morning! Coo'ing here, there and every-where! When I was in her room. Whilst I was in the kitchen. They're called “mourning doves” because their coo'ing sounds similar to “mourning”. But for me, now, it's the most beautiful “song”... I think of it as, other birds “chirp” and people call that “singing”, they perceive it as “happy”. Well... mourning doves softly “coo”... that's what they do. And there IS a distinct quality to it that isn't at all “mournful”. So it does my heart and mood much good... along with her obvious absence of fear of me.
I've taken her pool out and apart and this morning, the glass got scrubbed! AND, she DOES notice things because she keeps looking at the tubing coming into her house! And from different angles! It's as if she “knows” something else should be in that corner and it's not there! (Yeah, sure, again, tell me they're not “sentient”. Some people TRULY NEED a stiff fist to the head. My opinion, of course.) But it's comforting to me to know that that little pool is clean! There will be NO “diseases”! She's gone through MORE than her share of Hell already and when she goes back out to the flock, she'll have the BEST feathers, the BEST health, and the guys will beat each-other senseless over her! (Maybe I should hold a “Débutante Ball” on her first day out?)
It's also heart-warming that we get to “chat”. She DOES appear to enjoy our time together, and she DOES appear to “welcome” me... as long as I maintain a “safe” distance. She doesn't bang around if I get “too close” any more, but she shows that she's still a bit “nervous”. As it is now, I'm quite happy: she's developed a “trust” for me, but not for “people”. That's perfectly wonderful. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, sadly, the sun never managed to break through the clouds all day, but thankfully, the house, Yonah's room were comfy warm.
At about 19.00 this evening, the “day-light” was done and Yonah was “tucked-in” for the night. Though tonight, she's still coo'ing. When she coo's at night, my heart breaks. I wonder if she's lonely, if she's coo'ing looking for other doves, company, companionship... the flock. Well now, it's just a matter of very few months. We've made it through the worst. It's just a matter of patience... for both of us... I wonder whose will shorten first. No, I don't want her “OUT” of here. But I want her OUT WITH THE FLOCK, LIVING HER LIFE, THE LIFE SHE WAS BORN INTO... FREE! (And I'll NEVER get over the AWE that she brought into my life, my existence, this old house, in an obscure little hamlet here, in the “Adirondack Wilderness”. What a PERFECT way to pass my own “elder time”. I'm SO GREATLY BLESSED!
Thursday 04 March:
Last night, Yonah had finally calmed by almost 22.00 and the house went still. BUT THIS MORNING... it was as if she woke to pick-up where she'd left-off last night! COO'ING ABOUNDED! I wonder: the “mating season” is well under-way and I wonder if she's feeling “lonely” now. Sadly, this morning, there were flurries up on the mountains across the way and the temperature was still on the “quite chilled” side of things: -7° with a “chill” of -13°! And in here, in the warmth, little Yonah... coo'ing out into the morning. My heart wants SO very much to re-unite her with her flock! I just SO wish the weather would change, that the nights would be, at their worst, low double-digit temperatures. But, Nature does what Nature does, and my heart and soul will continue to protect this little one and keep her warm, protected against the winds, cold, what-ever, until such time as she can get out there with-out a care!
Last night, I put the lights out in the rest of the house and stepped to the door of her room and whispered “Sleep well. You're safe tonight and you always will be as long as I have anything to do with it... I LOVE YOU!”.
Meanwhile, the rest of the day... we had a bit of a squall at the house but the the sun DID manage to break through it all. It was a bright day, the rest of the house had a chill, but Yonah has her radiator and between that and the brilliant sun pouring in through her windows, she was in a delightful little place. As I say: “All is well as long as she is well.” And I kept busy, as I do of a day, but stepped in to “chat” a bit, just to be “company” and to let her hear that she's not just alone. It does my own heart so much good and, as I say, she appears to enjoy the visits. After all, were she out, she'd have a flock to keep company with. Sadly, I'm a poor substitute for a flock. But we do have our time together and I make sure of that.
At about 18.30 tonight, she coo'ed and when I went in to see her, she was already “perched” comfy, ready to call it a day. So curtains got closed, the light-block went up in the window. Her radiator is on so her room will stay nice and warm, no matter the weather or the temperature in the rest of the house.
She DID coo a bit after all was settled, so I went in, as I do, pulled a chair over to her and talked “to” her for a few moments. Honestly... it DOES seem to calm her because she almost falls asleep as I'm talking and when I leave the room, she's “good for the night”. It rips my heart to shreds, wanting to be a better “companion” to her. Poor little one. She's probably used to having somebody close by at night so when she wakes here, alone, she probably calls for somebody else. It's so painful for me. I've considered moving her into my bed-room, but, if I wake at night for the loo or something, I don't want to disturb her. Oh... And tonight's weather... -16° with a “chill” of -24° is of NO help or comfort! Well... thankfully this is March, and by end of April we should have this nonsense behind us. (An early “Warm” would be MUCH appreciated... but... “Nature”.) But she's safe, warm, protected and she finally did manage to get comfy and to sleep... I'm grateful for that. (And, of course, before I went to bed... I made sure to whisper “I Love You”.)
Friday 05 March:
Morning commenced with the “mourning wake-up call” and, of course, no matter the weather, no matter the time, all was well with the world. Quick to open the curtains, let in the light of the day and, to be absolutely certain, every day begins the way it closes: Assurances of “I Love You”... and I'm beginning to believe that Yonah actually understands (at some level, to some degree) what I'm saying because I get what appears to be a “focused stare” in return. Ah, the MOST PRECIOUS LOVE, all wrapped in a feather coat.
We had another rather “vocal” morning today too. The coo'ing has become an integral part of this house-hold now. There's such a “beauty” to it, not “sad” (“mournful”, as it were) as is so often stated when descriptions of mourning doves is made. It has definite “tones” and “qualities” of it's own. There are some that do sound almost “melancholy”, but there are others that sound really quite cheerful. (I have to wonder: am I learning “Coo”?)
So today's “learning experience”: because it has vitamin D and calcium, I've been getting broccoli for Yonah, and, after a REALLY THOROUGH CLEANING, because I NEVER trust produce in a market... even when it's claimed to be “organic”, we have NO way of actually knowing how or where it's been grown, and what processes it's gone through, who's handled it... it's a matter of “faith”, and I have little of that, especially where food products are concerned, I “shave” the greener, fresher bits off the tops of the “fleurettes” into a little “dish” for her. WELL! It really IS fascinating (to me), she LOVES IT! So... item number ONE on EVERY shopping list from now until... BROCCOLI! I'll only give her the freshest, which means a lot left-over, and I've never been much of one to eat a lot of broccoli, but, hey, now we BOTH benefit because I'll cook what's left for my-self (and, of course, I'll put some out for the birds in the yard, so they too, will benefit). Win-Win for all! There are other vegetables that I've seen listed, on-line, in my searches, that are suggested and recommended and I want to make sure Yonah gets ALL the nutrients she needs so... EXPERIMENTATION! I'll learn what she likes, and I'll make sure she has it! She's going to be HEALTHY when she “hits the open skies”!
And today, I made a little “loft” platform for her. I cut a triangle from a card-board box that fits into a corner of her house and made it so that it's sturdy and holds her with-out moving about. It's a little place, close to the window where she can “lounge” and “bask”, raised higher and off the “floor” of her house, and it gives a different “view” of the world out-side the window. And with it, she won't have to “perch”, with those toes wrapped round anything. (She gets exercise for the toes with the other perches, and she walks about, but I'm just thinking of a place where she can “rest” and bask and such with-out having to “hang on”.) Anyway, the first time she flew to it (almost immediately), she “slid” across the surface. So... with a bit of “double-sided” celo-tape, I put a layer of kitchen roll on, folded to the same shape as the platform, and that's helped immensely. So now it's a nice, comfy place, with the bit of “cushioning” of the kitchen roll and easy to keep clean. AND it's right in a corner that receives quite a lot of sun, which, I'm to understand, she not only enjoys but needs. At the rate the weather is going, slowly toward warmth, she and I have a while together and I'll make adjustments to make sure she's as comfy as is at all possible for the duration.
So tonight, all is well. It was a delightful day (of course), and Yonah's radiator is running to keep the chill of the night away. Curtains closed, light block up and she's all cozy as she should be. And me? I'm just as blessed... BLESSED as I could possibly be! And still in AWE! These have been incredibly indescribable days with Yonah.
Saturday 06 March:
Oh this morning... After the general, usual start, I'd stepped out to the back yard to “serve breakfast” to the flocks, as usual, but as I stood there for a moment, I could hear Yonah, coo'ing, in her room... AND, OFF IN THE DISTANCE, THROUGH THE TREES, I COULD HEAR ANOTHER DOVE, CALLING! IT WOULD “coo-WOO-hoo-hoo” AND.... YONAH WOULD REPLY WITH “coo-WOO-hoo-hoo”! IT WS AS IF THEY COULD HEAR ONE-ANOTHER! YONAH'S COO WAS A TOUCH DEEPER THAT THE OTHER, BUT, ONE WOULD COO AND OTHER WOULD “REPLY” ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. I've often wondered if Yonah can hear a dove “out there”, even with the doors and windows closed, as they are, most of the time lately. And today, I now wonder if those out-side can hear her in the house. Even more, I wonder: Are they calling to her and she's calling back... as if “I'm in HERE. I'm OK!” and/or “Yes, I'm in here and I miss you too!” (It's been said that people tend to project human emotions on the little ones... That might, very well, be true, but too many humans claim that the little ones are incapable of “intelligent thought” and over the course of my life-time, having been blessed, not only with Yonah today, but having been out in the wilderness (as much as it is these days), and having paid MUCH attention to a vast array of “animals”, I'll say that there's NO POSSIBILITY OF EVER CONVINCING ME THAT EVEN THE SMALLEST AREN'T *THINKING*, *KNOWING* AND MORE CAPABLE OF *LEARNING* THAN ALL TOO MANY HUMANS! AND AS FAR AS “EMOTION”... THE ABILITY TO “LIKE”, “LOVE”, “TRUST”, “DISLIKE”, “DISTRUST”, &c.? It's MORE THAN ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT NOT ONLY ARE THEY CAPABLE... THEY DO HAVE AND HOLD THESE! Those who claim differently are simply ignorant, self-absorbed and have never been “involved”, with-out bias, with a little one. “Narcissists”... the lot of them. And there, that's my opinion... period or, more to the point, my point, based upon these months of direct experience.
Now, in addition to all of this, I can't help but think back to when I'd asked for “help”, and was told about the alleged “bird people”... and the advice was “Put it in a shoe-box with a little bit of paper or something and make it as comfortable as possible for what-ever time...” HONESTLY! That kind of people is more likely to have simply tossed her out into the elements. (And, should anything come along to “take me away”, I don't doubt that they would do so anyway.) She's been here all Winter, in the warmth and protection and LOVE that I've been fortunate in being able to provide. She's “recovered” AMAZINGLY. Another lesson, well-learnt: I was told, years ago, to “trust your gut, it's saved you through all the years”. Yes, indeed. Well, here's another incident of the very same advice... and THIS one is most certainly heeded.
And the rest of the day rolled along, as days will do. It was quite cold for the month and season. But we were together. I went about the regular chores of a day, taking the breaks to go and sit, and chat with my closest Friend, my Family, my most-cherished companion.
And at day's close, curtains got closed against the out-side elements, little Yonah got comfy on her perch, the sun set, the night rolled in... her radiator set to keep all chills away, fresh water in her little pool and for her to drink should she so desire through the night, and plenty of food, should she feel any hunger at any time. If Love can wrap, comfort and protect... she has such an abundance... and I too am blessed.
Sunday 07 March:
I woke at about 5.00 this morning but chose to lay comfortably, in the early morning as day-light tried to break the night... until about 6.20-ish when... “coo-WOO-hoo-hoo!” came floating through the house and another day commenced. And it was another “cold” one but with clear skies and bright sun-shine.
We did “good house-keeping” today, and I did so under “strict supervision”, as I do. It really is comforting these days, seeing that I'm so trusted as I pull kitchen roll, change water, “sweep” (I have a large “fan” paint brush that serves as a wonderful “broom”). And today, the pool got washed and I took the pump and tubing out to the kitchen, and FLUSHED the “system” thoroughly, with a constant flow of fresh water from the tap... for about an hour or more. And I checked the tubing for any signs of “deposits” of any sort to make sure there's NOTHING in there that would cause ANY harm. (And OH, is it SO worth the effort!)
I hard-boiled some eggs at lunch-time... and Yonah and I had our eggs today. We got our vitamin D... SHE got HER vitamin D, which is MORE important than anything else. Such a “healthy eating” pair, the two of us. (Actually, I eat better these days since she's been here, to make sure I stay in good health. After all, one thing I learned during my Nursing days: If I don't take care of me, keep me in proper health, I won't be able to take care of others... and today, “others” is... this little Life I've willingly taken into my care... with LOVE.)
I DO so enjoy keeping her house now, since it's become “mundane” to her.
 But today, I got such a sincere laugh! After all the cleaning and serving was done, I'd gone about my business, as usual, and, as usual, took break to spend with Yonah. WELL! On one particular “visit”, I walked in to find her on her perch, all cozy, but... RIGHT ON THE TOP OF HER HEAD... JUST ABOVE HER FORE-HEAD, THERE WAS ONE LITTLE “DOWN” FEATHER STICKING UP! TO ME, IT LOOKED LIKE EITHER AN “EASTER BONNET” (since this IS the “Easter season”) OR... AS IF THIS LITTLE LADY HAD GONE “PUNK”... A LITTLE GREYISH “MOHAWK” STYLE THERE! AND WHEN SHE MOVED HER HEAD TO LOOK AT ME AND IT DIDN'T DROP AWAY, IT REALLY APPEARED MORE LIKE “PUNK”! IT WAS SO PRECIOUSLY CUTE! And, her expression... as it is... just so “stern” and almost “severe” (as doves appear, face-on), so serious... as I laughed, I could almost HEAR “WHAT are you laughing at? Eh? You? This is some serious style here!” OH DEAR LORDS ABOVE! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT JUST ADORE HER! Yes, eventually, she did manage to scratch it off. But I DID get a few photos. I mean... “Baby's grown up... into a 'radical'!” Kind of put me in mind of “Angry Birds”... I almost expected to hear a “Heavy Metal” version of her usual coo'ing at any moment! She truly is an EXPERIENCE! WHAT A JOY!
And so, after that, life at the home-stead returned to it's regularly-schedule programming and we got back to “normal”.
And come the evening, we both settled-down and settled-in for another night, Yonah, safe, warm, sound, and SO LOVED! Though it might seem repetitive, in many respects and aspects, I can safely say that not one day with her has been “mundane” by any stretch of the imagination. EVERY day she teaches me something new, something different. And there's NOTHING “mundane” about ANY of it. WOW! Am I ever truly “BLESSED”... and GRATEFUL!
Monday 08 March:
OK... It was “another one of those days” today... sunny but... -14°! Just when I start to become hopeful that the COLD is passed... Thursday's forecast is for a high of 12°, but these “cold” mornings just get to me now. It's certainly not that I'm in any particular rush to get Yonah out of the house, but, I'm anxious to see her back out with the flock of doves that gathers in the back yard every day for meals. I look forward to her being “back home”, and cold mornings just mean delays. Still, on a “selfish” level, I'm quite happy to wake with her here.
This morning, she seemed a bit “annoyed” by it too. We both seemed to have a “slow start” too the day. She seemed “sleepy” when I went in to open the curtains and such. I was too, to be honest. It's been a rather “long Winter” and days like this just seems perfect for snoozing. But... waters got changed, house got tidied... and we rolled along. I put her “music list” on to play... songs and birds that I've noticed get her attention. Her room was comfy-warm, the sun shone... yes indeed... we rolled with the day.
This morning though, when I went to serve “breakfast” for the flocks in the back yard, I was struck with a thought about the “routine” the birds out there seem to follow and it put me in mind of “human history”:
It is that the blue jays arrive first thing in the morning, many of them at a time, and they're almost in a feeding frenzy, vying for the best food, the most they can get. The doves come when they jays have finished and gone. So there was an “association” in my mind... “Blue” jays, aggressive, territorial, larger and more boisterous than doves. They put me in mind of the “blue-eyed Aryans” of Germany, 1930s-40s. And the doves, “brown”, relatively docile, meek, as it were, waiting until the jays finish with THEIR choice of food, coming when the jays have gone, to feed on what-ever is left-over. It all just struck me with such a “similarity”. It also put me in mind of that one day on the beach at Rockaway when a sea gull had worked so hard and diligently to open a clam and just as the last “drop” had been successful, another gull came swooping in from no-where, snatched the freshly-opened clam and flew off with it. “Even in Nature”... “Nature”, I was always told, strive for “balance”, no matter what. But even in Nature, there appears to be some degree of “injustice”... those who toil, those who “dominate”... it seems an “imbalance”. But ... truth is, I'm seeing it through the eyes of a human... who's been “told”, “educated”, by other humans who also claim that we, the human species, are “superior to all others” and THAT, I can say with all sincerity, has been proven to be a lie... out-right... particularly recently, by Yonah. Anyway... I just wanted to note this today.
And during the day today, I kept hearing another mourning dove calling through the trees in the back yard, and every time I heard it I JUST SO WISHED that the weather would be suitable for Yonah to return to her flock with-out ANY concern about “sub-freeze” temperatures. And, come the week-end... -17°! She's had no reason or cause to “adjust” or “adapt” to such cold all Winter. One bitter night... No. She obviously has become comfortable here, and this is her home... for as long as it's necessary... and for as long as she remains comfortable in it.
Through the day, he basked in the sun-shine that poured in through her window, protected against the chills of the world. And we spent much time together with her music playing softly. I had some sewing that needed to be done and I sat, in her room, beside her house, and we kept each-other company. Yes, my heart aches to think that these days are numbered, in spite of the fact that I look forward to her return to her “intended life”. I try not to think of this house with-out her here. It WILL be most empty, to be absolutely certain. So I cherish the time we have together. And, I hope she enjoys at least SOME of the time as well.
At day's close, “Une fois dans l'ouest” played as the Adirondack sun sun set behind the mountains and curtains were closed against the chill of another night. She seems to enjoy that tune. Clouds gathered in the sky, but her radiator was on to keep the chills out-side and she settled again, for another night of protection and LOVE, for a good rest.
Five degrees for tomorrow's forecast...
Tuesday 09 March:
Indeed, the forecast of 5° was spot-on today. There was sun-shine, but there were too many clouds interfering with its “warming ability”. And the breezes that passed were still from the North and quite chilled.
But I had more sewing to do and so, Yonah and I passed the day together as one of her favourite tunes played: “Pachelbelly” by “Huma Huma”. It was a peaceful day in the house, no matter what the rest of the world was doing. And she had warmth, fresh food and water, and we did get a few “chats” in as well.
This evening, after she “tucked-in” for the night, she coo'ed again, in the darkness of her room. So I went in and whispered a little chat with her and, as has been, she calmed and re-settled. Poor Sweet-Heart. When she's back out in the woods, her “wilderness”, will there be anybody who'll be close by to “talk” with her at times when she calls for companionship? And there will be “noises”, “sounds” out there in the night. (I did hear what disturbed her though: un-necessary banging from the dolts next door again. “People”. Those “intelligent” beings... NOT!)
Banging from next door disturbs Yonah at night. Ah... how I think of the sounds of the night out-side: coyotes, a sudden WOOSH of an owl... predators. At least now, these nights, no matter the sounds or the sources, she's quite protected in her own little “house” (cage), in her own little room and me, close by to make sure nothing causes her any harm.
Well, it was a beautiful day, no matter what. Another day passed, another day closer to the warmth of late Spring and then Summer. Another day... another day...
Wednesday 10 March:
Double-digit date! Almost half through March... at last!
Today's “high”, still only 9° after a morning of -5°. We're not “there” yet. Especially with a “high” of -10° on Sunday. My patience! My nerves!
But the flock of mourning doves out-side is increasing in number. Looks like the ones that migrated, “escaped” these North Country Winter days and nights are returning. The more the merrier and the more chances of Yonah being able to get out there and find a mate (or, perhaps her pre-established mate?). At any rate, the better the chances of her not being “alone” for very long, once she's back out there. THAT means MORE to me than anything in the world: knowing that she wont' be alone.
And they're “vociferous”! It's almost as if the ones who've returned are telling “what I did on my Winter holidays”. And those who stayed through all the bitterness are calling for their mates, new and old. It's comforting in a way and yet, in another, it's saddening to me. First and foremost, thinking that Yonah is still in here, and I'm sure we both want for her to be re-united. And sadder still, when I (briefly) think of the emptiness in this house with-out her in it. The days ahead will be, for me, heavy, and I see this house “dark” with the emptiness. Surely, I'll have the time to sit and remember these months with her, the only part of a day that had any importance, any joy, any “light”. Sure, I can take comfort in knowing that I provided for her, that I protected her, gave her everything I possibly could, just about everything she needed. Still... she's become my “life”... in the literal sense of the word. But I never intended to “keep” her so “that day” had to come... eventually. I just guess that my “head” didn't prepare my “heart” for it. Oh... well...
The sun shone SO brilliantly and warm through her windows today, and it actually got warm enough to open the doors of the house, front and back, to allow FRESH AIR in... FINALLY! A “tonic” to both of us after SO LONG being almost “closed in” and “locked away”! THAT'S a most welcome relief!
And there was another “lesson” today. I went to market to get more, fresh broccoli for Yonah, and I've seen that “red pepper” is also a recommended vegetable to include in her diet so I picked one of those up too. When I got back, I washed it, thoroughly, of course, and cut a good slice, cleaned it nicely and chopped it into pieces that were small enough to be swallowed as they were... about the size of a “millet” seed. I put the pepper in a separate dish, to see whether or not Yonah would like it... Well? She looked at it, several times, and had NO interest in even trying it. I left it in there for quite the while, just in case but, by the end of the day... she hadn't even bothered with it. So, now I know... Nope. (I might try to “incorporate” some with seeds at some other time, but for now... Oh well... I trust her to know what she'll try and what she likes and what's not worth the effort. She does get good seed with “fortifications” so, I don't have any reason to believe she's lacking in the essentials. I just really want to give her choices, a varied diet. We'll keep trying. At least she's getting her vitamin D and calcium from the broccoli that she enjoys so much.)
At end of day, all told and said and done and experienced, she and I had a good one and by the time the sun was getting ready to set, she was ready for another good night of sleep. SO curtains got closed, she got “settled” and “secured” (with LOVE), and we both bade “fare well” to another day... “Double-digit Date”... our days together, our evenings together... I can't even think about it.
Thursday 11 March:
No sooner had I opened my eyes from a night's sleep when... came “the call” from the next room. (I can't say whether Yonah had called and that woke me or that she can “sense” when I wake. I wouldn't doubt the latter. She's amazing in so many ways, it wouldn't surprise me that she's able to “know” when I wake up.)
She had a rather “quiet” morning today. How I SO WISH this cold weather would pass and she could be back in her “natural element” with-out ANY chance, even remote, of having to fend against “sub-freeze”! It may, perhaps, be selfish of me, because my heart would shatter with thoughts of her, alone, perched some-where in the dark feathers fluffed against bitter cold... or worse... succumbing to it! To think that she'd recovered from her injuries, managed to eat well in warmth through the most miserable of nights, only to, at a “last moment”, perish. No, I just couldn't. And I remember reading that mourning doves' life expectancy is 1,5 years in the wild. She'll have been here for 5 months, come Saturday morning. There's the 6 months of protection which would/should give her 2 years. And I suspect she's young enough to get out there, find a guy, settle-down, if she wants, she can marry (look at me, I am old, am I “happy”?). I need to be patient. She's safe in here, protected from the elements of Nature... including predators... natural and human. Folks who know that she's here tell of how wonderful it has been that I've protected her so. But then, they're just “people” too. I give little credibility to “people”, little-to-no faith and trust in them. But, my heart, my heart urges me to continue. After all... I'm “here” because Yonah is “here”.
And so goes yet another day... and as today's sun sets, and this month passes, tonight, I go to bed looking forward to the morning and a soft “Coo-WOO-hoo-hoo” drifting through the rooms of this old house... and waking with a smile... on face and in soul.
Friday 12 March:
I “slept-in” this morning... 7.00! When I looked at the clock I realised, immediately: Yonah's curtains! The day-light! UP! And rolled right into the “morning routine”... curtains open to the day, change waters, fresh food, tidy the house! The week-end is coming... we have house-keeping to come too! ON we go!
It really IS a delight to have a purpose first thing in the morning.
Last night, the wind POUNDED and SLAMMED against the house again! There's another “change in the weather” to come. But one thing, when I heard it, the first thought that came to mind was “Yonah is safe.” And I hoped that all the others, doves, jays, and all the rest, were sage some-where. In these winds, I always wonder what nesting birds do about their nests. And these days, now, I think of little Yonah being blown about... and I'm thankful that I have the patience with the weather and the season to not “jump” into putting her back “out there”. Last night would have been LIVING HELL, thinking of her out there! (Patience... SO important.)
The day was much calmer though. AND... there was sun-shine... AND... with the sun-shine, we did “week-end prep house-keeping”. Pool, kitchen roll, food, waters... all ready for a week-end of relaxation... for both of us!
And with the rest of the day, I sat with her again, with more sewing. It passes the hours since I sew by hand, no machine, so I can sit quietly with her. She supervises, and, best of all, she takes little “nosh breaks”... THAT ALWAYS touches my core, knowing that she's comfortable enough with me in the room that she can eat, with no regard for or of my presence. I'm not a “predator” that she needs to be aware of. There's NO greater compliment, NO higher honour!
I'm now thinking that what used to be the “kitchen garden” out back could be fenced properly so as to give protection against the likes of “cats”, and I can sow the bird seed that I'm feeding the flocks. I'll get to see what it grows into and if it DOES grow, it'll supply the birds with a more natural food! And they can eat in safety! Then too, there are sun-flower seeds in there. Those would look nice! A little “project”... and it wouldn't require any special attention so it can stay for as long as... A little something to look forward to. (And a place of safety for Yonah!)
Well, at the end of day, the sun began to set and the WIND came RIPPING down the main from the North again! There's mention of “snow” for some point during tonight! DAMN! Just DAMN! My heart wants Yonah back HOME with her FLOCK! But... OK. She has her “home” here and there really is no rush for her to leave. We just hunker again... until...
Saturday 13 March:
And... it's our 5-Month Anniversary! GOD! The time passed quickly... sadly... the cold weather hasn't.
But this morning's temperature reached 0°... that was a RISE from last night's cold. And last night's snows melted away. I just wish the temperatures would rise and STAY risen!
AND... IT WAS ANOTHER DAY WITH YONAH! YAY! CAN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT! Precious little one. In fact, I was sewing and we were listening to “Enya” all day AND, AT ONE POINT, I STARTED SINGING WITH ENYA AND LOOKING AT YONAH AND SHE MOVED HER LITTLE BEAK, ALMOST AS IF TRYING TO SING ALONG! (There's going to be an indescribable emptiness when she's no longer in the house... She'll leave to return to the flock and I'll...)
Anyway... SHE USED THE POOL TODAY!!! When I'd left to have mid-day nosh, I looked in and there she was... drinking the water (which I hope is clean enough for consumption... though, on-line, somebody used the same pump I have for her “fountain” for wine or some sort of beverage and the tubing is “food grade” so, I believe the little pump is safe for that, and I DO rinse it through thrice when water is changed so... I'll just hope. Besides, she's getting all sorts of vitamins and minerals in all her food, so she should be strong!) WHAT A LOVE!!!!
All told, it was a “good” day... and there was plenty of sun-shine for Yonah... in spite of the cold out-side. Oh... and that little chipmunk in the back yard came back today... STUFFED its little pouches FULL of the seeds that the birds left behind! SO SWEET! And there's MORE than enough seed still there... for flocks, squirrels, chipmunks tomorrow morning.
So we “wrap” another day... I still marvel... FIVE MONTHS... and to think, the original “support” from the “bird people” was... “keep it comfortable for as long as...” WOO-HOO (hoo-hoo)! Baby's doin' FINE! She's some kind of MIRACLE! YES SHE IS!
Sunday 14 March:
6.15 in the morning and... “HELLO?” “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo!” Sunday was officially open, and it began, as always, with a GRAND smile, and the “song of the dove”.
As it wound-down, it proved to be another truly WONDERFUL day spent with Yonah, in her room, listening to French music and keeping each-other company. I got more sewing done with the best supervision and the VERY BEST companionship imaginable... TO BE SURE!
Snows fell and stopped. There were moments of sun-shine and Yonah soaked them all in, resting on her “bed of sand”. Bless her. And she flitted about from time to time as well. But together, there we were, through the day.
At around noon, I took a brief break to have a light lunch, and went back to sit with Yonah and continue the work until I got the sewing completed.
“Work” for the day done... we changed the water in her pool and tomorrow, we'll get to the house-keeping. And today, I used the last of the first bag of the “Healthy” food. There's another whole bag... thankfully I got that for her on time. Honestly, I never think in terms of her being here for “much longer” but... I make certain that she's NEVER with-out good, wholesome, healthy food! (HER shopping list comes before I even ponder mine. And I do that with-out even thinking about it. She's going to be SO GREAT when she hits those open skies!)
Next thing I knew, it was time for “evening meal”. The hours had passed, the day was coming to a close. Seems it came along quickly. Time with Yonah does that... passes ENTIRELY TOO quickly.
And tonight, at about 19.30, which would have been 18.30 were we not on the insanity of “Day-light Savings” which, to Yonah, means absolutely nothing, I closed the curtains, put up the “block” (card-board) and Yonah settled down and snuggled-in, as it were, for a night of rest. Me? Once she's settled, I'm settled as well... and at peace knowing she's safe, sound, warm, protected, eating well, and SO LOVED!
-25° expected tomorrow night. Oh well... Times have been worse. The radiators are here and I can always move my bed into Yonah's room for a while. We can bunk together. I believe she actually enjoys the company anyway.
These evenings, more than before, I can't help but think: My worst time will be being with-out the companionship of Yonah... and never knowing how or where she is, ever again. As much as I look forward to her taking wing... well... it's what I brought her in for in the first place. That's the truth...
 Monday 15 March:
I woke rather early this morning... even before Yonah woke! So I moved about so quietly until I heard... “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo!”. Monday, mid-month, opened. So too, Yonah's curtains, the light block... water in her pool got a change and so too, her drinking water. Fresh food (breakfast served) and we had a little “morning chat”.
During the day, the sun shone BRILLIANTLY, into her room and she basked, grabbing EVERY bit possible! She's beautiful when she “basks”. Tail feathers splayed, and she looks SO calm, peaceful, content. It truly IS a GLORIOUS sight to behold. I've read that the UV she needs (for vitamin D) isn't very strong, coming through the glass, but she does get the vitamins from her food but the warmth of the sun through the windows must feel wonderful to her. And what a difference between her “sand bed” and the temperatures just beyond that glass. At least here, she's warm so she can truly enjoy the warmth of the sun.
I had to step out for a brief while during the day and went to the local little store where, when I walked in, the assistance manager ASKED ABOUT YONAH! We'd bumped into each-other some time ago when he was getting a bird for one of his kids and we talked about Yonah... HE REMEMBERED! (Though, the heart-break to me was when he told me that he'd “bought” TWO birds from that store and... BOTH of them died!!! ALL THE MORE REASON TO BRING THE SELLING OF THESE LITTLE ONES TO A COMPLETE HALT!!! UNLESS THEY'RE BROUGHT INTO HOMES *** WITH THEIR MATES AND/OR COMPANIONS ***!!! IF A PERSON CAN'T TAKE PROPER CARE OF A BIRD AND HIS/HER MATE... A PERSON HAS NO BUSINESS TAKING THE BIRD IN THE FIRST PLACE! The “cause of death” wasn't discussed, but it sickens me, as well as angers me to indescribable extents to hear ONE bird died... never mind TWO! Oh... “humanity”... what a waste of “evolution”. But, I'm still impressed that Yonah made an impression and was mentioned. That's so very sweet.
When I got back, I wanted to get fresh white pine clippings for Yonah's house. I'm TRYING to incorporate the out-of-doors into her little house here, and we have an abundance of white pine, so she's familiar with them... VERY familiar with them. I headed out the door in search of and discovered 2 large limbs that had come down in the recent winds, so I grabbed them, as they were and brought them back to clip the best of them for her.
Well, that led us to... FULL HOUSE-KEEPING! Kitchen roll, waters, pool, the entire situation end-to-end, top-to-bottom! I put the branches into the corners, arranged as closely to appearing like trees as possible and I'd found a pine cone, so I put that in too... something to “play” with (or not... to be seen). It DOES give a bit of the “tree tops” to the place, especially when Yonah is on her perch... the limbs come just over the perch so she's “in the trees”.
All the while I “worked”, taking her “house” apart and adding things, arranging and putting it all together again, Yonah watched, calmly, but it looked like she was “taking notes”, noticing EVERY addition, move, removal. And I chatted with her as I worked. It truly IS amazing to me how she trusts me in there. Who would have ever thought it possible? A completely wild little bird... trusting a human so much... and in only 5 months. And it isn't that I tried to form some kind of “bond”. To the contrary, I've tried to keep some distance between us so that she wouldn't actually “bond”. All I hoped for is “tolerance”. Well!!! Doves... Astoundingly intelligent little beings. BRILLIANT!
Well, when the work was all done, she had time to “adjust” to the new “trees” and such in the remaining day-light. And when it came time to settle-in for the night, she was comfortable with it all. Curtains got closed, the light block went into the window just before sun-set so that she'd have time to adjust to the slow darkness of the night. The VERY last thing I wanted was for her to find her surroundings “strange”. And when I saw that she was on her “night perch”, I was comforted.
She's a MOST AMAZING LITTLE ONE, THIS “YONAH”!!! And she's a MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE COMPANION! So a couple of little “good night kisses” and... we wrapped-up yet another STUPENDOUS DAY TOGETHER. (Of course, her radiator was on again tonight... another COLD one, unfortunately. But, no matter what... she will NOT have to fluff her feathers, pull-up her collar!)
Tuesday 16 March:
I got to “sleep in” until 7.30 this morning before the first “call” came! (I could have stayed in bed for a little while longer, to be honest, but... when “the call” cometh... “the call” cometh, and so it did and so the day commenced with the rolling along.) And it was another chilly morn, this. And it was “hazy”. The warmth truly IS coming... and this morning, it began. The forecast actually has double-digit day-time temperatures for daily highs! AT LAST! Single digit nights though, and there's still some “minuses” in the mix. But DOUBLE DIGITS AT LAST!
I worked at my sewing again today. I'm making “tie-backs” for all the curtains in the house and stitching them by hand. It's taking longer than I'd expected, BUT... I do ALL the work in Yonah's room, so we get to spend ALL the time together... chatting and such as I go along... and listening to music. It really is the perfect way to spend a day.
And today, I washed the last of the sand I bought for Yonah, and put it into the oven (400°F) to make sure it's sterile. Between the “boiling” of any water left and 2 hours of 400° heat, I'd say that nothing could survive that! And since Yonah tends to eat it, as doves do to help their digestion, I don't want ANY sort of thing “living” in that sand. (I still want to get to the river and get the sand from the banks there. The river water is cold, crystal clear, no “slime” on the rocks on the river bed... it comes down from the mountains across the road. I've kept a container of it in the house to water some of the plants for upwards of a couple of months... in Summer heat, and it's stayed as clean and clear to the end as it was the day I got it. So... And that sand is constantly being “washed” when the river rises and falls. There are tiny fish in it, but I've yet to see anything else in there... especially and particularly garbage. And there's no “dust” in it when it gets rinsed. So... if I can get down there soon, I'll toss the “bought” sand and use that... but, even that gets rinsed and put in the oven before it goes into Yonah's house! I'm a fanatic, but I do NOT want her getting ANY sort of disease or ailments!)
In the interim, as a “break” from sewing, I did some more work on Yonah's web-site/Journal today and got caught-up with putting photos on. I'll be working on that a lot from now on. She deserves a web-site, and I want it to be a “depository/repository” collection of all the information that I've been getting as I research everything that comes to mind where mourning doves are concerned. My primary motivation is to give help, support and information for others who might take in an injured little one. And as I “research” I see (disgustingly), people SELLING mourning doves! So I want people to be aware of the responsibility they're taking-on! NOT to mention... I want to have a place where people can go for answers to their questions... not having to hear “put it in a shoe box” or worse. (THAT will NEVER leave my heart! There's still a lingering anger, call it “bitterness” if one will, but it's there.) I'm excited... and it's for and about YONAH! She'll be an “Internet Presence” now! (Too bad we can't get her her own television and radio shows... or “podcast”... woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo! HOO!)
The day ended with me finishing-up on the day's sewing with her as we listened to music. And I sang a couple of tunes with the iPod and... when I looked-up, Yonah was actually there, at the front of her house, closest to me... DOZING! (Or closing her eyes because my singing was that bad?) She trusts me enough to close her eyes, knowing I'm in the room... and right beside her!
So when I saw she was dozing, I knew it was time to “close shop” for the day and let her get her rest, so... I put the sewing aside, refreshed her waters, made sure her house was clean (mostly of the day's little poops and scattered seeds). Curtains got closed, light block went up, light in her room went off and Bless Her Heart and Soul... she went to her “night perch”, got comfy and that officially closed this... the mid-point of the month of March... We're on the “down-slide” out of the cold now! AT LAST!
Wednesday 17 March:
We woke to a “chill” in the house this morning, last night's temperature dropped a bit, but, BUT NOT in Yonah's room. It was almost “Summ'ry warm” in there, and that's the way I make sure it stays. Still, night chills just remind me that the “cold snaps” aren't quite “safely gone” yet, and it puts my heart back a bit, thinking that Yonah's return is still delayed. (But I can't say that I “mind” because, well, I do dread this house with-out him in it... in a purely selfish fashion.)
The most heart-lifting moment of any morning now is getting up, opening the curtains, getting to changing the waters in pool and drinking dish AND SEEING YONAH EATING! And this morning was another marvel. I'm always fascinated that she doesn't even acknowledge my presence when she eats. (I just hope she doesn't become completely oblivious to the presence of “others” whilst she eats... Predators wait for those split seconds of inattention and she can't afford “another” one of those. Oh well... Maybe she'll differentiate between “the human she knows” and all others she doesn't... Maybe... I can only hope at this point.)
WE passed most of the day together today. The sun POURED in through her windows and Yonah took FULL advantage of it. She looks SO great with the white pine branches in her house. Much more “natural”, and I have a feeling she enjoys having them there. After all, were she out where she actually belongs, these mountains are FULL of white pines... it's her actual, “natural” environment. Well, the fact is, I made a vow, with determination, dedication and devotion to giving her all the protection and comforts humanly possible... no matter what the World throws, I'm holding to that vow... and LOVINGLY!
By day's end, she'd managed to almost finish ALL of the broccoli I'd put in for her. She REALLY enjoys broccoli and I couldn't be happier! Vitamins D and C... and calcium. Important for general health, well-being, bones, feathers... I'm not a “fan” of it, but she's gotten me to eat it as well... since she doesn't eat much at a time and one doesn't buy “a fleurette”. So, we BOTH get our vitamins and minerals. I keep her healthy... and she's making me keep me healthy. What a pair!
This evening, I looked back on my own Journal to 17 April, because I'm thinking that by then, ALL this cold should be over and done with and gone... and I don't believe that keeping her in the house more than 6 months is in her best interest. Well... I went back to 2014. I've always made some sort of notation on the weather of the day and, it was “disappointing” at best. There were “good” days and still, “cold” days on the 17th April of each year. So I went forward to May and... there were days when it SNOWED even into mid-to-later May! I don't want to keep poor Yonah away from her flock... but I don't want to put her out with any... ANY threat of snows! The others had the chance to “adjust” and “adapt” to the cold so that by May, any snow is pretty much nothing to them. But this little one hasn't been in snow, hasn't been any cooler than about... oh, 20° (68°F) and even at that, if her room got that cool, it wasn't for very long because her radiator got set higher. It's difficult. But there's nothing I can do about the weather. All I can do is hope she understands and can tolerate me for the while.
And tonight, at “tuck-in”, Yonah's curtains were closed (insulation against the night's chill), the light block went up (a bit more insulation), the radiator dial was set to “5” out of “6”. She had a good “sun-bathe” today, I got my own chores completed for the day, and we settled the rest of the house... and the rest of the World... OUR World... which is the ONLY one that matters. She's warm, protected, safe, nourished... AND SO LOVED! (And THAT is ALL that matters... in ANY World.)
Thursday 18 March:
Yonah... first sound I hear at the beginning of a day, first thought of every morning. And today I thought too, “May... the end of May is probably the safest where warm weather is concerned.” But on the 17th, mid-May, Yonah will have been here for 7 months and, well, my “gut” says “NO! NOT 7 months! That's bordering on 'cruel'.” BUT, my heart says “I don't know. She doesn't appear to be at all too terribly UN-happy here. But her flock is out there now and she ought to be back with them. I don't want her to perceive this as 'punishment', 'confinement', 'imprisonment'. But I don't want her to come to ANY discomfort or... harm.” I don't know... I just don't know. All I can do really, is wait it out... patience... and HOPE that “Life” leads me in the proper direction. “Patience”. This is just such an un-certain time of year, especially in these old mountains. And now, I'm “un-certain with it. One thing I have to do... get the lumber gathered to make the stand that I want to make out back, where I can but her “house”. I'm making “sketches”... “plans”... making plans...
But... for the most part, today was another ENTIRE DAY together with her. IT JUST CAN'T GET ANY MORE WONDERFULLER THAN THAT! AND, FOR MOST OF THE TIME, SHE RESTED AT THE FRONT OF HER HOUSE AND “WATCHED” ME AS I CONTINUED WITH MORE SEWING. SHE TENDS, OF LATE, TO DO THAT: COMES TO THE FRONT, NESTLES THERE AND WHEN NOT “SNOOZING”, SHE REALLY APPEARS TO BE WATCHING... WITH SOME KIND OF INTEREST. SHE'S SUCH A LOVE!
And it was a chilled, grey day all day too. But out-side didn't matter at all to either of us, so it seemed. Yonah basked in the “Full Spectrum” desk light and I basked in the LOVE of a MOURNING DOVE! There's really nothing better that any-one could even dream of.
THEN CAME... A TRAGEDY! Yonah was all settled for the evening, the sun was setting, the “work” I was doing was done for the day, the lights out, her house all “prepared” for a night of rest. I was in the kitchen when I heard “FLUTTERING”! I don't know what causes Yonah to “start” like that and “take wing” but... I WENT IN, IN THE DARK, AND SAW HER, ON HER FLOOR, IN A CORNER, BY HER FOOD. AND I NOTICED THE CUTTLE-BONE THAT I'D PUT ON THE SIDE FOR HER, ON HER FLOOR. SO I TURNED THE LIGHT ON TO PUT IT BACK AND NOTICED... BLOOD!!! IT WAS ON THE KITCHEN ROLL ON HER FLOOR! NOT AN EXTREME AMOUNT, BUT *ANY* BLOOD IS NO GOOD! I CAN'T TELL WHERE, EXACTLY, IT'S COME FROM, BUT IT APPEARS TO BE UP BY HER BELLY, AND CLOSE TO HER LEG! AND THERE'S A DROP OF BLOOD ON THE CUTTLE-BONE! IT APPEARS SHE TOOK FLIGHT AND SOME-HOW HIT THE SHARP EDGE OF THE CUTTLE-BONE! SO THAT'S NOW OUT AND GONE! SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT, OBVIOUSLY. AND SHE DOESN'T USE IT FOR ANYTHING. AND IF IT'S GOING TO CAUSE HARM... IT'S GONE! SHE BLEEDS RATHER PROFUSELY. IT DOESN'T APPEAR THAT DOVE'S BLOOD IS PARTICULARLY THICK OR QUICK TO CLOT. SO... I'M BACK TO FEELING THE SAME USELESSNESS I FELT WHEN I FIRST BROUGHT HER IN. AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO FOR HER OTHER THAN WATCHING, EVER SO CLOSELY. (AFTER ALL... HER WING MANAGED TO MEND AND THAT LEG APPEARED TO BE DEAD AND USELESS... “NATURE” MUST HAVE A “SPECIAL MEDICAL TASK FORCE” THAT EACH LITTLE ONE HAS AS A MATTER OF FACT. I DIDN'T INTERFERE BACK IN OCTOBER... I'LL JUST WATCH... AND FEEL HORRIBLY USELESS... AND HOPE WITH ALL MY HEART.) NOW! NOW THAT WE'RE SO CLOSE TO HER BEING ABLE TO GET BACK OUT AND BACK WITH HER FLOCK! NO! (These are the times when the notion of a “God”.. well...this is one of those times.)
One item of note, I suppose, that I found, on-line of course, since there's no immediate, physical resources available when I'm distraught and consumed with so much fear and would so greatly appreciate reliable, direct answers to questions... Apparently birds don't experience “pain” in their feet and legs! It's why they're able to walk on terribly cold surfaces (which explains FROST-BITE and MISSING TOES, FEET AND LEGS as reportedly seen), and it helps when they perch for long hours (like sleep). Once I confirmed that the bleeding had stopped, this was a slight relief IF the injury actually is on a leg... and it almost explains why she didn't appear to be in “great distress” when I'd first found her, with the left leg dangling. Still, there IS a pain in my heart, thinking that there's really nothing that I can do to “repair” damages, or give her some kind of relief. Not to mention, I really don't want to cause her any trauma, especially once she's settled-in for the night. All I can do is HOPE that the injury isn't serious, that it will “heal” as she's healed already and tomorrow, I'll get into her house again, and make it more safe, making sure there's nothing in there that she can harm herself on. I've been pondering some way to get her house out of her room for short whiles, perhaps in the kitchen when I'm working in there and/or in the living-room when I'm in there. That way, she can know she's not alone and I can keep a watchful eye on her, to make sure she doesn't injure herself again.
She truly IS my “ALL” these days.
Well, another cold night ahead and the one source of consolation and peace of mind: Yonah isn't “out there” in it. She's here where it's warm, and she's protected from predators, and she can rest, and heal, with-out worrying about trying to survive. She has plenty of fresh food and water and, should she want, she has space to move about... care-free. And tomorrow... we'll attack that when it arrives.
Friday 19 March:
 “Medical Report”: I didn't mention yesterday that it appeared Yonah was bleeding from her wing, and was bleeding enough that it had run down and dripped from the end of her wing. No doubt now that she injured herself in one of her “startled flights”. I still don't know what prompts those, but she does it from time-to-time... just suddenly flies from one side of her house to the other, and sometimes gets a little panicked when she gets into a corner. I don't like it. It doesn't make me feel any “better” about it, primarily because she's opening almost-healed wounds and becomes potentially susceptible to infections. But it's a relief in that she didn't “gash” her “under-belly”.There WAS some dried blood on her leg and that's what made me worry so much, thinking she'd damaged that left leg again.
BUT, this morning, there's NO indication that she's in any pain or discomfort and there's NO indication that she'd bled yesterday!
There were a couple of small drops on the kitchen roll on her little corner shelf, but they were perfectly dried, so they must have been from yesterday. (Of course, that kitchen roll gets changed every day anyway so, it's clean again.) And that's where she spent most of her day, soaking-in the sun-shine. AND... she ate this morning (I could tell by the “indentations” and “divots” in the seeds in her food dish... I check that, specifically for that reason, to make sure she's eating). THAT puts me a little more at ease.
We had most of the day together, again, today, because I brought the lap-top in to work at the work table in her room... No “internet” though. I have a particular aversion to using internet in her room. It's no necessary and I'm not comfortable with the notion of “pulling a signal” AT her. Sure, I realise that the signal is blasting through the walls... but then, so too are the signals for wireless phones, mobile phones, and everybody else's internet in the area. But, *I* will NOT intentionally “direct” signals into her room. And I had more than enough work to do that didn't require any, so... we were together and, well, when I have a day when we're together, it's a WONDERFUL day!
We had “clean sweep” in the house today. She's funny in that she tends to “scatter” her food out of the dish and onto the floor of her house. But it's to be expected. Doves are “ground feeders” and that's where she's used to having her food. Although, she DOES get quite a bit out of the dish-proper. I suppose it's easier to find “the good stuff” when it's spread out. And yes, she IS particular about what she enjoys. Nothings goes to “waste” though. What ever she “rejects” goes to the flock out-side and since she's getting “good, healthy” food, they're benefiting from it as well, and I SURELY don't mind THAT at all! And I have more than plenty to make sure SHE has more than plenty. Win-win for all.
This evening, as I had my meal in the kitchen, Yonah and I “chatted” from from to room... She usually starts the “conversation” with a “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo” and I reply the same. It can go on for upwards of 45 minutes! And, although I enjoy it, my heart aches thinking that evenings are probably the time of day when she'd be calling to other doves and THEY'D be having their “end of day” chats. These days, all she has is... me. And I know and understand that I'm not even close to a “reasonable substitute” for her companion doves.
At our “end-of-day” tuck-in was just as the sun set and the room became some-what dark. And all the while through, until my bed-time, all was peaceful in the “Yonah house-hold”. I'm SO grateful when she's calm at night. It calms me as well.
 Saturday 20 March:
The “high” temperature today was... 9°! OK. Not “sultry” or “tropical” but what a relief to see a temperature that wasn't preceded by a “minus”! And I had quite a bit of “book-keeping” work to do so Yonah and I had quite a bit of “together” time as I worked at the table in her room.
There's supposed to be a steady week of TEENS in the temperatures coming! (Single digits at night but only ONE with that dreaded “minus” before it. and that's tomorrow night. It gives me “hope” that the freezes are about to pass and the “very warm” days and “relatively warm” nights aren't far away.)
Now, today, we had an “experience”: I had my hand close to the side of her house, though the door was closed, and she came over, gave a look at my hand and PECKED ON MY FINGERS! JUST LITTLE PECKS. NOTHING THAT APPEARED TO BE “ATTACKS” OR ANY SORT OF “DEFENCE”!
And I've noticed that when I apply the “Aveeno” lotion to my hands (which I do because my hands have been dry to the point of painful lately), she seems to have some kind of attraction to that... either the sound of my hands as I work the lotion in or the scent? (But I remember reading that doves don't have a great sense of “smell”... although, they DO like oat, and there's “oat something” in the lotion.) Honestly... EVERY moment of EVERY day is a learning experience for me!
AND... this evening, just before “evening meal”, I had to step out of the house and walked along the side where Yonah's windows are... as I got to her windows, SHE SAW ME AND PACED ABOUT, BACK AND FORTH, ON HER CORNER PLATFORM (I call it “the loft”)! SHE WAS SO EXCITED! SHE'D RECOGNISED ME THROUGH THE WINDOW! So I gave a “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo” (as best I could) and she heard me and gave a firm, direct stare at me! Looks like I'm not “the enemy”! (I've also read that doves WILL recongise faces... I just HOPE they can differentiate them as well... I'm honoured that Yonah sees me and doesn't fear me, but I don't want her seeing “people” in general when she's back out and associate them with me... I have NO idea where she'll go to from here, but with the “hunting stats” I've read... well... “people”, in general, repulse me, to think “hunting” or “shooting for fun/sport”, such a little being... I can't even give it much thought with-out getting too close to “rage”.)
All told, it was another beautiful day and even more-so seeing that Yonah isn't feeling “imprisoned” and isn't seeing me as an “enemy”. Oh... it's going to be difficult with-out her... it's going to be painfully difficult...
Sunday 21 March:
First “officially full day” of... SPRING!!! AND THIS AFTER-NOON... THREE ROBINS ON THE LAWN ACROSS THE ROAD! (I can't help but think of the Bob Marley song “Three Little Birds”... “Three little birds, pitch by my door-step, singin' sweet songs, melodies pure and true... singin' 'Don't worry 'bout a ting, 'cause e'ery little ting gong be a'right.” and my mind goes to Yonah... and I know I can only hope.)
And the day began with Yonah coo'ing and when I went out to “serve breakfast” in the back yard for the other little birds, I heard another mourning dove, off in the wood, calling. It really is a lovely sound out there. And it's comforting to me to know that the flock is still about.
It was a chilled start to the day at -3° BUT it reached 14° this after-noon! TEENS! We're getting there! (I'm excited for Yonah... and, at the same time, well, I try not to think about this empty old house.) The forecast for the week is repeating the same temperatures and after tonight's -1° there are NO “minuses” for the following 7 days! Yes, single digits at night but NO MINUSES! One can only hope!
AND... THIS MORNING, WHEN I WENT INTO YONAH'S ROOM TO OPEN HER CURTAINS... SHE CAME TOWARD ME AS IF TO GREET ME! She won't let me get my hand close, nor will she let me touch her, BUT SHE DOES APPEAR TO “KNOW” ME, AND TO TRUST ME... to a point. (I still wonder what she'll do when she's back “out there”... If she stays around the house, will she “trust” me then? Or... as I more expect, will she “vanish” off with the flock? Only time will tell.) (And more lyrics come to mind: “If you let me make love to you, then why can't I touch you?” Silly old man that I've become.) Still, yet, and no matter, it's an indescribable feeling to see this little one come to “greet”. Indescribable! It's just such an HONOUR!
Seeing those robins though... They're BAAAACK! But there's still the potential for some more “COLD”, and even more snow yet and though I grow anxious, it's still too soon to set Yonah out there. She seemed a bit “anxious” today too. In spite of the fact that she's OBVIOUSLY NOT afraid of me, and when I go close to her house, she gets on her perch and will move close to me, I can tell, “sense”, “feel” that she wants to be OUT! And, honestly, I WANT her to be back OUT THERE, with her flock! So now, I'm even MORE anxious to get busy on making a stand of some kind for her house to be on the back gallery! She should be back with her flock now! It's almost time! BUT, I can't help but think too: Maybe “Fate” is slowing me down where that's all concerned... maybe it's intentional. After all... there's still a LOT of snow piled and accumulated in the yard and across the road... AND THE MOUNTAINS ARE STILL COVERED... “Time”... that's all... just “time.”
We got more, new “music” for Yonah onto the iPod for her today and made a “PlayList” combining music with bird-songs and we passed most of the day together, listening to it. She's got her obvious “faves”, even in “people music” and she coo's at some of them. (I'm jotting a little list of the ones that get responses... quiet music, mostly the instrumentals. Since birds aren't fond of complete silence for too long, I'll make one special “play-list” for her so that when I'm not or can't be in the room, she won't sit there in silence.
So it was a most delightful day... robins in the morning bringing in the Spring... doves in the wood calling... Yonah and I together and temperatures rising, “lifting” us, as it were, out of the Winter. One of these days... But I'll appreciate the time we have together... and I'll NEVER let the memory of these days... these months fade. Yonah's become “heart-beats” (more seriously than most might even imagine.) And so... the sun sets a little later tonight as we settle the house... together.
Monday 22 March:
Today passed... entirely with Yonah! I have so many “things” to do, and there are so many of those that I can do in her room, with her, and honestly, there isn't any better way to do, no better place to be than with her.
Morning “routine” now officially consists of completely changing the water in her “pool” and, of course, drinking water (that's a twice-daily minimum) as coffee is being made. Then “music” or bird-songs on to play through the day.
Learned, today, that doves “rest/sleep” and average of 10 hours at night. Well, as the season dictates, Yonah is averaging not less than 11 hours of “available sleep time”, from “lights out” when the room starts to darken at the end of a day to the time she gives the “Morning Call”. (I ought to take her schedule!) Precious little one.
I'm noticing lately, that when-ever I go into her room, as I walk toward her house, she comes over to the front, to be closer to me or to greet me. She still won't come near my hand, when I put it up to her, even if I just rest it against the front. But she's obviously coming toward me other-wise. She doesn't mind when my hands are in there when I'm changing water, or doing “house-keeping”. She tends to rest on her perch and to watch as I go about the activities. I wonder if she's some-how fascinated, or if she's still watching for potential “attack” of some kind. And I wonder what she'll perceive of “people” when she's back out in her “natural” environment. Most of all, I wonder if she'll remember me, some-how, if she stays around here... and I wonder... will I EVER see her again? I wonder... Only time will tell, I do suppose. It would be a delight to be able to see her, coming around, for a meal, a snack, or just to be around here. I don't really believe she will stay. I suppose I just hold too much to “stories”, fabrications of “romantic writers”, the kitch of “Hallmark”. But yes, only time will tell.
One thing... she gets so close to my face though, when I rest it against her house. I'd SO VERY MUCH LOVE to open her door and let her out to roam about the house, but I'm MORE afraid that she'll hit a wall or window (again) and I can't bear the thought of her having any more injuries... not now, especially so close to the day when she'll be out, in the warmth of the sun, with the rest of her “folks”. It's going to be extremely empty with-out her in this old house. I thought of that today, when I walked out of her room and then back in. There won't be any motion, no sound, no “flitting, fluttering”, no... “other life” in the place.
In my own “reveries” I think of the theories of “Reincarnation”... perhaps I could “come back” as a mourning dove. If I were to “leave” before her, maybe I could do that, reincarnate as a mourning dove, find my way to where-ever she might be. We could “hang out” together on some tree-limb and “chat” about these days. Oh! The stories we could tell... to the amazement of the others in the flock! There were quite a few of them around today, at the back walk where they've come to know there's always plenty of food to be had.
Meanwhile, I DO wonder: MAYBE she DOES understand that I only want to keep her safe, protected from the bitterness of the Winter, give her a place where she can focus on healing, getting stronger. Maybe, some-how... she “knows”. I look at the other doves out there and I believe she's quite young. She's smaller, in comparison to most of them. Maybe I've given her a good life in her “youth”... and soon, she'll go out, “find a fella”, have some little ones and maybe... maybe she can teach them that I'm not a “typical people”, that I couldn't even think of harming her or them, in any way. Maybe... Or maybe I'm just a foolish old man. (That's probably closer to the truth.)
The skies were so clear today. The thermometre on the front porch read a comfortable 15°, but the air... well... that remains quite “chilled”. There's still that “chill” lingering in the air. No doubt it's MUCH colder just up on the higher peaks. It'll take a bit longer before that changes and warms. It's what keeps the nights so cool. Once upon a time I didn't mind this time of year, the warmth of the day, the chill of the night. But now I look forward to the heat of days, and the warmth of nights... I've a little one here who needs to be with her “folks”... her flocks!
And tonight, 19.30, the curtains on Yonah's windows were closed, against the head-lights of human vehicles, and too, the lingering chills. It's bitter-sweet: when the curtains get closed and the “light block” goes up, she looks about her little house and up into the “trees”, the clippings, for a while. Is she looking about to make sure everything is safe? Is she remembering the trees out in the woods? We DID have quite the “chatty” evening before settling-in today. It started as I was having evening meal, and even when I'd stepped out onto the front porch, I'd “called” into the house and she replied! I came into her room, pulled the chair up and talked a quite a bit. She stares at me as I talk... just rests on her perch, staring as if trying to understand the sound of my voice. She's amazingly brilliant!
The forecast is for an increase in the temperatures as we approach Friday, but then... another drop and we return to more like “late Winter” than “early Spring”. “Minuses” return to the night temperatures and there's still threats of snow in the long-range. At this rate it's looking more like we'll be together into April. I'm NOT pleased with that notion. I SO WANT HER FREE AGAIN! SOON! But tonight... little Yonah is fine, safe, protected, warm, there's MORE than plenty of good food and fresh water, and I've got MUCH MORE LOVE to give... sweet, MOST-PRECIOUS, MOST-CHERISHED little one... who sleeps safely, on her little perch.
Tuesday 23 March:
Last night, before getting to “lights-out”, I was doing my usual reading and the subject matter was the question of “Would it have been better had 'man' not bee created or better that 'man' had?” The topic of man (humans) being inherently good or inherently evil and being both and yet, neither. And that it is the free will and choice of man to become worth of his having been created. Well... my thought: I'll NEVER make a claim of being so “wonderfully good”, so “preciously good, especially and particularly toward human-kind. Judge me, if that's to be, on that particular. But where the little creatures of this world, this “Creation”, as it were, are concerned, if I can keep any from harm and even discomfort, then so be it. Surely I'll be judged, by those of “humanity”, to be eccentric, odd, off, strange, even ridiculous. But I will do what my heart directs... and so, there's Yonah... who, this morning, was bouncing about in her little house in this old house, and coo'ing in response to a little recording of another mourning dove... and today, again, she's quite safe from predators, the morning's chill, with good nutrition readily available, plenty of clean water to drink as her injuries, inflicted by the “world” where “man” HAS been created, are healing. And when the time comes, she'll be ready and strong enough to take flight and be off... to where-ever her Fate and choices direct her. “God” LOVE and protect her mean-while and after... and I'm here to make certain she IS LOVED... and protected.
And so, that is how this, another rather chilly morning, began... with that very thought that I went to sleep with last night... and Yonah? Well... curtains were opened, “bird songs” were played and there was Yonah, when I walked into her room to make sure she was well-attended, standing beside her food, looking at me, as she does and we chatted, as we do of a morning.
Sadly, today's agenda included a trip into town... I HATE leaving the house and leaving Yonah alone these days. (Quite honestly, it's a matter of missing her. Even if I don't spend all the time in her room, it's just a comfort knowing she's OK. I tend to worry horribly... OK... excessively.) Anyway, when I got back (with broccoli for her... good nutrition and she obviously enjoys it), it DOES appear that she notices: she DOES actually recognise me AND my voice (because I call to her when I get back in). And she LOOKS AT me when I come into the room, AND she comes forward toward me! I HONESTLY BELIEVE she's NOT afraid of me and DOES actually enjoy our time together! I tell you one thing: it does a GREAT wonder for my heart and soul. I've been stumbling through these months, on my own, doing what, in my heart, soul, “gut” FEELS “right” for her... and it's looking like she knows, some-how, and she appreciates it all. She's gotten better, her wounds are healing... maybe I have done good... by and for her. “Time”... it's the only thing that will tell one way or the other.
We DID get to spend time together during the day today as the “regular routine” of house-hold chores got done... and then... this evening... after “tuck-in” and “settle-down”, I had time to “think” (which is never a good idea for me):
Yes, indeed, this house, “Life” in general, is going to be absolutely empty with-out Yonah, more like “heart-aches and emptiness”. No more of her coming to the edge of her little house to perch next to my face, nobody to “chat” with. I thought about how I could make space in the living-room so that she could be in that window for a change. Different view, scenery, perspective. Then I thought that I couldn't sit with her as I work on transcriptions of Journals and my book-keeping. She'd be more alone in the living-room than she is in her room now. So... I'll just have to give it all more thought...
THEN came the thought... WHAT IF SHE REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE, TO BE BACK WITH THE FLOCK? What if I move ahead as planned, put her “house” out on the back gallery, leave the door open for her to come and go and she keeps coming back to it instrad of making house else-where in the wilderness out there? What if she decides to stay? WORST OF ALL... WHAT IF SHE CAN'T FLY PROPERLY WHEN SHE GETS OUT INTO THE WIDE, OPEN SPACES? She hasn't had the need to fly any great distance or height since she's been in here. I don't KNOW how well or even if she CAN! She'll NEED to be able to keep-up with the others, NEED to go some distances for food and water... and most of all... NEED TO KEEP AWAY FROM PREDATORS! What? What if? As I “age”, and with my own “health” being what it is these days, IF (gods and fates forbid) something should happen that would take me away, for days or... WHAT would come of her? Truly, in the deepest places of my being, I don't and can't and have no reason to “trust” others with her welfare, her well-being. I'm doing my best to keep in the best-possible condition, and, quite frankly, and brutally honestly... ONLY for her. Ultimately, my deepest and most sincere hope is that, come the passing of all threats against her, the cold nights and cloudy days, she'll take to the flock. I'll be happy knowing that she spent a Winter in comfort, eating well, protected and growing ever-stronger.
And so, at the close of another day, yes, indeed, DEAR Yonah is safely sleeping, still protected, warm and well-nourished. What is to come will come as it will. And for as long as we're together, no matter what, I'll do absolutely EVERYTHING I possibly, humanly can, to be certain that ALL of her days here, with my company, companionship and LOVE are THE BEST this old world can provide for her... absolutely... no matter what.
Wednesday 24 March:
AN ENTIRE DAY WITH THE MOST WONDERFUL COMPANY IMAGINABLE... DEAR, SWEET, SO MUCH BELOVED, TRULY MOST-CHERISHED, MOST-PRECIOUS YONAH! Yes... the ENTIRE DAY! I worked at the transcriptions of the book-keeping and Yonah “supervised” until I completed all the work!
Started the chilly day with the “song of the dove” at about 6.00, changes of waters and fresh food. But Yonah's room was comfy-warm, to be sure, as it was through the night. But by this after-noon, I had to put MORE food in for her... SHE WAS SO HUNGRY TODAY! It was pretty amazing to see. But it's ALWAYS comforting to see her eating. “As long as...” said the vet about Minou. And indeed, the little ones will stop when... I don't even want to think about “when”.
But it was a calm day, together, just the two of us together.
Tomorrow's weather is supposed to be “variable” and... 20°! And I've a list of “chores” which include opening Yonah's windows for the warmer times ahead (they've been sealed for the Winter), and getting to breaking-down some pallets to get started on the “stand” for her on the back gallery. Her curtains could use a good washing as well... there are “thing to do...
We listened to “Hauser” most of the day... and this evening, I saw that she was falling asleep, so I've closed the curtains, put the “light block” on the window and tonight, I have a piece of card--board to put on the top of her house as well... anything to keep the sudden “flash” of head-lights disturbing her sleep. When the lights were out, I sat with her for a while... just “chatting”.
As the days get better, warmer, I look forward to her being FREE again, but I have to admit that my heart grows heavier when I think of this house with-out her. It's actually physically painful, I have to admit. But I'd much prefer a bit of “heavy-heartedness” knowing she's back in the life she was born to live than being “grounded” and having to deal with me... a “human” for the rest of her life. If there really are any such things as “blessings”, IF there really is a any such thing as a “God” who bestows them, well, with these past months together, I can say, in all honesty and will all sincerity... this little bird, this little LIFE is MORE THAN SO DESERVING of SO, SO MANY “blessings”... and the “LOVE”, respect and protection of a “God”.
Another day closes... and there's much we'll do again... tomorrow... “this little bird” and me... until the day when...
Thursday 25 March:
Ah... this morning we woke to 11° and the mists rising over the mountains AND when I went in to open curtains, change waters and bring the day into Yonah's room, SHE CAME TO THE FRONT OF HER HOUSE... AS IF TO GREET ME AND BE CLOSER! HONESTLY! YES, I DO SEE THAT, IN HER OWN WAY, SHE “KNOWS” I'M NOT HERE TO THREATEN OR HURT HER IN ANY WAY! SHE KNOWS I'M ONLY TRYING TO PROTECT HER... WITH MY “ALL”!!! AND THERE'S REALLY NO MORE GLORIOUS FEELING ON EARTH... IN ALL OF “CREATION”!!!
AND TODAY, HER WINDOWS GOT CLEANED, NICE AND CLEAR, AND THE ONE CLOSEST TO HER HOUSE IS OPENED, THE OUTER SCREEN HAS BEEN “SEALED” AGAINST THE WASPS (and other bugs) THAT TEND TO “CONGREGATE” AND COME INTO THE HOUSE. The sun shone brilliantly and the breeze was actually WARM today!
BETTER YET... as I worked, Yonah basked, ate, drank... as if I wasn't there at all! Not only does my “presence” in the room not phase her... my “activities” don't either! (I wonder... what she's going to be like when she's back out in the wild with the flock. The “romantic” me thinks of her coming back to eat, being able to “hang out” together, her, being able to come closer to me and the other doves looking on in disbelief. The “sensible” me says she'll be out there, off to the wilderness, with a flock, a mate... a family... as Nature intended. Which or what-ever, I just hope she doesn't come to see ALL “humans” as being kind and caring. THAT would be a horror... and one I'd be responsible for... and punished for, rightfully, deservedly.)
Meanwhile, a check of the forecast... -5° again! One night, but still... This time of the year is SO undependable! And a lot of rain. (Good thing Yonah's windows are crystal clear and clean now. The “rainy season” is coming... we need clean windows to bring in as much day-light as we can get!)
One note to close the day: I started some flower seeds on Tuesday and THEY'RE sprouting already! And the orange tree has grown almost to the ceiling over the Winter and the avocado tree is sprouting new growth! I'm swearing it's Yonah! (And now it's time for me to get to bed. Yonah's been tucked-in for a while now... and we have tomorrow... we have tomorrow...
Friday 26 March:
This morning was dark enough, when we woke, to have to put a light on! “Full Spectrum”, of course, but still... so dark! And drizzly! “Spring” in The North Country. And a check of the forecast shows relatively warmer days, but colder nights... again. Time... Summer isn't rushing to arrive, to be sure. But Yonah's radiator was on through the day, mostly to take away the “damp chill” that is “early Spring”. She's been warm and toasty all through the Winter, I don't mind extending the “radiator season”. My determination is that she doesn't feel ANY “chill”... there's time for that when her next Autumn arrives. For now, there's no call or reason for it.
And it's so interesting, to me, anyway, how Yonah will call in the morning and during the day if I'm around the house but whilst we're together, she's so quiet. Seems my company is “calming”. I suppose it has a lot (if not “all) to do with the fact that she's been “solo” for so long and being accustomed to being with a flock, “company” is welcome... even if it is this old strange human. Little does she know, I'm sure, her company means the entirety of Creation to me. Poor, sweet little darling that she is. She literally keeps my heart beating, my “soul” going on.
We DID get to a complete “house-keeping” today. And of course, I was “supervised”. She's SO intrigued by all the goings-on as I pull kitchen roll, pool, dishes and all the rest out and replace it. “Room Service”! (She'd better find a mate who can keep up with it now that she'll become accustomed to a neat and tidy “nest”.) And we DID have our “daily chat” as I pull a chair up to her door and talk for a while. And, as is usual now, these days, she gets on her perch, right beside, just above my head, and stares at me as I talk, quietly, telling her of the day's events, plans for the future, my hopes for her and always, with-out fail, my reassurance of my LOVE and DEVOTION, my determination to see to it that she's ALWAYS in the best of company, the best of conditions, the best of health. Yes, we do make that a point in every day, especially before tucking-in for the night. (And I grow all the more convinced that, at some level, some-how, she actually has come to understand my intentions because she closes her eyes as I talk, as if drifting-off for a moment. She TRUSTS me! And I don't care about the rest of the world... HER trust is ALL that matters, to me, ABOVE ALL ELSE!)
Tonight we're due to fall back to “freeze”. March... unpredictable, never to be trusted. But the Little One's radiator is on... her room, her house... what is, for now, her “home” will be kept warm... the little SWEETNESS... All that talk about a “Heaven”... well... here it is... all wrapped in a little coat of beautiful feathers... We are at peace... she is protected... and OH! SO VERY LOVED!
Saturday 27 March:
 The radiator on, the door to Yonah's room closed against the “chill” of the rest of the house, and, we passed a chilly (10° high) day together today. (The closer we get to the “Day of Release”, the more time I crave together with her. It's probably the worst thing I could do... considering I don't want her to expect me to be around all the time, but I'm being selfish. I admit it.) And she was SO “vocal”! We were holding one of our conversations, she coo'ing at me, I coo'in back and it went on for quite the while, back and forth.
We were listening to varied music today and at one point, the Moody Blues' “I Know You're Out There” came on as the first song of a “shuffle”! One of these days... as I said to her, “This will be your song... when this old house is empty and you're “out there... some-where” and I'll be wondering where you are, and how you are. But for now, WE're here, together, and I SO LOVE this time... now.
There are some songs, and I have to make a special “play-list” of them, that she almost seems to sing along with. The music plays and she starts coo'ing! I've read that doves hear “sounds”, the quality, the tone, the “timbre”... I wonder what Yonah hears in this music and what the “lyrics” sound like to her. I can tell she recognises my voice by the way she responds, even when I call from another room. And again, I have to say, with disgust and repulsion: people, “humans” claim that doves (and other little ones) aren't “sentient”. Sorry, NOT sorry, but that, to me, is just an indication of the ULTIMATE stupidity, ignorance and inferiority of “humans”. It just sickens me to even think about such an incredibly insane statement. The only thing (ones) worse: those who believe such worthless nonsense!
Meanwhile, Yonah and I will know better... and we'll be as “sentient” as we are... and the rest of the world can rot.
Well, the day gave way to some sun-shine, eventually. It never got “warm” out-side, but in Yonah's room, “our world” was quite warm and toasty-cozy. AND Yonah took advantage of the light and warmth as it came through her windows... laying, as she does, “stretched-out”, feathers splayed, her beautiful “new” tail, now that all the feathers she'd shed in October and November having been replaced with new, strong, beautiful plumage!
AND TODAY I NOTICED THAT SHE “ACKNOWLEDGES” HER NAME! I saw her do it once and tried to just say it, from time-to-time during the day, with reference to nothing in particular. She LOOKS at me when I just say “Yonah”! (I wonder if she'll remember it and I wonder if she'll come along, out of the woods, if I call for her out-side. I wonder... I do a lot of that... wondering.)
I'd put quite a bit of food out for the birds out-side yesterday, in preparation for today's cold and when I looked today... there wasn't even a trace of ANY of it left. Between the birds and the little mice and voles... THEY'RE HUNGRY! And there's a new flock of black birds (not crows) coming by. Quite numerous! Looks like I'll need to be sure to have enough food for the crew from now on... at least until the grasses and flowers begin growing! (And, of course, my personal “bent” now is... MOURNING DOVES! KEEP THE FLOCK AROUND! There's somebody waiting to be re-united with you all!)
At day's end, I had my “meal” and right after, did the evening “water changes”, house-tidying, and by 19.30, Yonah was tucked-in as the sun began disappearing. The house got darker, the world out-side settled... all the little birdies that were about during the day all went to where-ever it is they go for the night... and in here, Yonah took her place on her “night perch”... safe, sound, well-fed and nourished... protected from all the elements “out there”... and SO LOVED... cared for and cared about... She's my LOVE... She's my LIFE... She's my EXISTENCE. I'm “blessed”... BLESSED!
Sunday 28 March:
“Bird songs” played today, under the grey skies of another “cool” morning and Yonah coo'ed with the mourning doves and I... I worked on gathering some 200 photos that I've taken of her along the way, from the day she “arrived” until... quite recently. And with them, I've managed to create a web-based “PHOTO ALBUM”!!! (I tried to make a “slide show”, as they're called, but that needs a LOT of work.) AND, I've put the page, with the photos, on-line on my own “Design” web-site so that others can now actually SEE her progress over the months! I'm most seriously pondering making a site of her own, something that will document not only the photos, but blurbs, maybe a “Journal” of all of our days together, since I've kept a running “account” of the days, her progress, her healing and our “bonding”. There are still some rather COLD days yet to come, so there's time to gather information and, yes, MORE PHOTOS, and time to “design” something for her. But for now, I'm quite THRILLED to know that those photos are now on a server, not just here in the house. I DO have them all backed-up on a “peripheral drive”, but, being on a server, some-where else is a sense of greater security. I don't want them to “disappear” or “get lost”. And as for a web-site of her own... THIS LITTLE ONE DESERVES TO BE KNOWN... SHE'S A SURVIVOR... AND A MODERN DAY MIRACLE! AND I'D LIKE THE WORLD TO BE ABLE TO KNOW HER! MY MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE LOVE AND HEART BEAT. SHE'S THE VERY CORE OF MY SPIRIT, THAT WHICH KEEPS ME LIVING FROM MOMENT-TO-MOMENT IN EVERY SINGLE DAY!
And as I worked along today, at the work-table in her room, she toddled about. And today I noticed that when I get up to go out to the front porch for a smoke, she actually “knows” the sound of the front screen door as it “clacks”, and when I come back in, she “calls”, as if to say “Is that you? Are you back?” This old house and my old routines are becoming familiar to her! I sometimes think of her, with her own family, some-how communicating her experiences of this Winter. There just might be a book in here some-where... a mourning dove's version of something like “Watership Down”... though... with a happier ending I should hope. (Maybe there's something more to keep this old body going... another way for little Yonah to become part of the hearts of so many others... though, it would never be as important as she is to my own heart... in so many literal ways.)
The radiator was on all day, again, today. And for Thursday and Friday this week, the “highs” are expected to be... 1° and MINUS 2° respectively! BOTH nights... MINUS 11° again! Our time together continues, and my anxieties about Yonah going out there increase. She's been in here all through the coldest of Winter, never having to “adjust” or “adapt” to ANY real “cold”. It wouldn't take but one night of the likes of -11° and I won't even think of the possibilities of harm to her. There's no reason why she should be subjected to it, none at all. So, we “hunker” together, a bit longer.
Oh, and I hard-boiled some eggs today and she had the yolk for lunch... Vitamin D and such... in addition to her regular seeds. Egg, broccoli... good stuff! (And... what-ever she doesn't finish by end of day, I put it in the fridge and the birds out-side get it! EVERYBODY'S eating healthy these days... even me! Oh my!)
Tonight, again, she has the warmth of her own radiator, in her own room where her own “house” is situated... comfy, cozy, well-protected against what-ever Nature wants to throw about in the rest of the world. And tomorrow... we'll have another day together, she'll have all the food she could want, fresh water to drink... and we'll keep each-other company... as we've done through this North Country Winter. Tonight... she can sleep with-out a care... not a one.
Monday 29 March:
Two days left to this month of March (once this day is done) and this morning we woke to a “charming” (not really) dusting of snow on the ground again! (OK. It did manage to melt away as the day progressed, but still... it was -1°! and melt or not, I ask “WHERE IS SPRING?”!) And a Westerly wind came HOWLING over the mountains! BUT... at the first indication of a “day beginning”... the “woo-HOO-hoo-hoo” came floating through the rooms of this old house. So I got up and immediately went in to open Yonah's curtains... on yet, another, dark grey, snow-dusted morning. (I wonder if SHE's as fed-up with all of this as I am. I wonder if she misses being out with her flock. I wonder... and it's quite painful to think she might..)
The sun DID come through though and Yonah GRABBED THE RAYS... EVERY BIT OF WHAT CAME THROUGH HER WINDOWS! She laid on her sand, feathers splayed and spread. The temperature out-side, just across those panes of glass reached a mere 5° and the WIND BLASTED through the limbs of the trees, and against the side of the house. BUT... the morning's snow disappeared and the sun's warmth managed to pierce through for a little mourning dove to enjoy. OH GOD! How it did my heart SO much good to see her basking! And, in comfort, protected against the cold winds!
I have to get some fresh greenery for Yonah's house too. Good thing we have quite the plentiful abundance of white pine which she seems to enjoy so much! I'll also have to get down to the river to check and see if any stones for her pool are available (not still frozen solid together, though, with night temperatures being what they have been, I'm not really too hopeful). It's depressing to look in and see the clippings get too dry.
As for *NEWS* today... all day, as I sat in her room I kept the door to Yonah's house open! It was AMAZING TO SEE! SHE CAME FORWARD AND STOOD ON THE INSIDE, POKING HER HEAD OUT AND LOOKING ABOUT THE ROOM... UP... DOWN... SIDE-TO-SIDE. She seemed “intrigued” but never made any attempt to fly out! I wonder why. She must be comfortable in her little house these days. I imagine she knows she's safe in there... from what-ever. And I made sure to pull the chair over to her and we chatted several times so that she can see that I mean her NO harm and that I'm here for her, when she decides to come out. I DO believe she's aware that I'm docile. But she still doesn't like it if I raise my hands. There's something about “hands”. But I'm not pushing the issue. I can talk with her with-out hands. But that she stays in there... I have to wonder and be concerned about what she'll do in a few weeks when she's out on the back gallery and that door is open. (I just hope she doesn't see it as being “tossed”. I hope her flock will “take her in” quickly, she'll find a nice fellow and resume the life she was intended... with a little family. (Though I fear harm.. which I shouldn't think of. AND I HOPE... I SO HOPE THAT SHE HASN'T BECOME ACCLIMATED TO “PEOPLE”!!! SHE APPEARS “HAPPY” WHEN I'M IN THE ROOM WITH HER BUT... “PEOPLE” REMAIN HER ENEMIES! NOT EVEN UP TO THE STANDARD OF “USELESS DOLTS”, REALLY! But, I'll have to hope she distinguishes... I'm to understand doves recognise faces... hopefully mind will be recognised as “friend” and the others will remain as “enemies”!)
And by end of day, Yonah's photo album was complete. I sent a direct link to a couple of people to get responses... People, being “people”.. I got one response... nothing much to go on but they're confirmations that the page is up and running and visible, so that's a major plus for a day's work.
And tonight... well... radiator on, curtains closed against the chill of the windows that this after-noon provided such warmth, DEAR YONAH... on her perch as the temperatures out-side drop again... safe, sound, protected, LOVED, warm and cozy... and as for tomorrow? Well... we'll both deal with that when it gets here. For now... a “good night” and restful sleep for all (both).
Tuesday 30 March:
We managed a temperature of 15° today with warm sun and cool breezes and I managed a trip to the river for... rocks for Yonah's pool and fresh pine branches! (The exercise did me quite a bit of good, since I've been so sedentary most of this Winter.) It was a JOY to be able to get down there to the river AND COME BACK WITH THE ROCKS AND THE FRESH GREENERY!
And with these additions and replacements, Yonah and I got quite the longest while together as her house got all but taken completely apart and cleaned and re-built! New rocks, fresh greens, fresh waters, clean kitchen roll... the entire job! And, as always, all the while, she either stayed on her perch, supervising or... as she does from time-to-time now, she preened. THAT, to me, is one of the MOST AMAZING things to witness! She just take all the activity as “common-place” now. I present no threat and from the way it appears, it's almost “expected”. “The cleaning man is in today so I don't have to bother with anything.” I LOVE IT! Though I'd rather she not be TOO comfortable around people, I DO appreciate that I don't cause her any stress or distress! And to think back to the earlier days when she'd almost cower in a corner away from me. Honestly, I HAVE to believe that she remembers that I brought her in, gave her shelter and food and water and a comfortable place to recover and as the time has passed she's NOTICED that I mean her NO harm... in fact, quite to the contrary... I almost believe she KNOWS my feelings for and toward her. (Sure, somebody “out there” would think I've gone completely into the realm of “hopelessly insane” but I've spent EVERY day with this little one and I doubt ANYBODY knows better than I what is and what is not. Besides, I don't care what others may or may not think... THIS little LOVE is a DEARLY CHERISHED little TREASURE... my heart, my joy, my soul, my life... my BEING!)
That said... one “glitch” to the day... I have NO idea WHAT happened, but... after finishing ALL the work on the “remodelling”... about 2 hours later, I went back in to “check-in” with Yonah to find... WATER, WATER EVERY-WHERE! AND THE POOL WAS EMPTY! I HAVE NO CLUE HOW IT HAPPENED, OR WHERE IT HAPPENED BUT... POOR YONAH... I HAD TO RE-RE-DO THE ENTIRE HOUSE, ALL THE KITCHEN ROLL WAS SOAKED! THERE WAS A LITTLE “POOL” IN THE TRAY AT THE BOTTOM OF HER HOUSE... It was a MESS! BUT... hey... it got done, the pool got re-filled and I watched to make sure there are no leaks... SO? TWO house-cleanings today. NO prob! (Her house can't be “too clean” anyway... especially since I try NOT to use chemicals or any sort of cleaner that would leave a hazardous residue... and, with the second cleaning, the pool and such simply got another thorough rinse... NO harm in THAT at all.)
In today's “Note of News-worthy”... this evening's “chat” was with the door of her house OPEN AND SHE AND I ACTUALLY EXCHANGED MANY “woo-HOO-hoo-hoos”. Another “conversation” and with the door wide open. And again, she rested on her perch, staring down at me as I talked. Not even the slightest indication that she wanted “OUT!”. Nor did she shy away from me! It's just INDESCRIBABLY COMFORTING TO ME... I MUST have done “good” by and for her, and in my stupidity and lack of “knowledge” of what to do and not for a dove... it appears, my “instincts” have been quite rather “spot-on”. I have the ultimate “APPROVAL”: Yonah isn't afraid of me AND we can CHAT calmly, together! HEY HEY HEY! For now... I'm absolutely THRILLED! (For now... let's see what happens when she's back “out in the wild”...)
More rain in tomorrow's forecast and ANOTHER WEEK of colder days and really COLDER nights to come! BUT... tonight's report: Warm and toasty-cozy, safe and sound and dry and protected and... OH SO VERY, VERY, INDESCRIBABLY LOVED! THAT'S M'BABY!
 Wednesday 31 March:
Yes, indeed... a grey and rainy day, as forecast. BUT... I'm SO glad I made it to the river yesterday for the rocks and greens! Out-side might be grey and dreary, but with the help of a “Full Spectrum” light and the rocks and pines in Yonah's house... it's a BEAUTIFUL SUNNY (sort of) Spring day that began with opening the curtains to the out-of-doors, fresh waters, fresh food and a couple of “coo's” here and there and back and forth! There can't possibly be a better way to start ANY day!
Today I've decided against building a wooden “stand” for Yonah's house when it comes time for her to “move” to the back gallery. Instead, I'll go for that steel shelving, the kind that has the “grate-like” shelves. The poles are smoother (and probably sturdier) so that nothing (I'd hope) could climb up them to get at her when (IF) she's in her little house, not to mention, IF she happens to take-up “house-keeping” and decides to have a little “family” in there. Wood is easy for a variety of “vermin” to climb (I call them “vermin” because they'd be taking advantage of a situation NOT intended for them or their “comfort”) and short of building all sort of barricades up the entirety of the structure, there's little I could do to keep them away. AND, I'd rather it not be “obvious”. No “attraction” of attention of the neighbours and such because if ANYBODY were to disturb Yonah (and/or her family) I can say, completely unashamedly... they'd be into a situation where they'd much prefer a slow, painful death and an eternity in the deepest bowels of Hell when compared to my wrath. So... steel shelving it shall be then!
In other news... TODAY, Yonah's pool was completely disassembled, scrubbed, the river rocks were thrice-boiled (I poured boiling water over them, let them almost cool, then dry then boil again) and the whole thing re-assembled. It has to be done so that there's enough room in there for her to actually “bathe”s, hould she ever take a liking so to do. So I've “arranged” and will check to see. If need be, we'll re-re-arrange until it works. It was fun for me and, of course, most interesting for Yonah. Never a dull moment these days. (I've read where doves, as “pets”, are known to take interests in the affairs of the house-hold... well, THIS little dove is having quite a bit of “affairs” in which to take interest, indeed. At least she's not being left alone! That's for certain.)
This evening it seems some little “critter” has taken-up a bit of “home-steading” in a wall of Yonah's room. It's not unusual that they do that, but it must have made a bit of a disturbance and startled Yonah! Ah... well then, we can't have that. “Newcomers” will have to be made aware that there are other walls in other houses... Poor little Yonah!
And TONIGHT... AFTER WE'D SETTLED FOR THE NIGHT, I WENT IN TO TALK WITH YONAH BRIEFLY AND AS I PULLED UP THE CHAIR, SHE CAME DOWN OFF HER PERCH AND STOOD RIGHT BESIDE MY FACE... SHE WAS INSIDE HER HOUSE, BUT SHE CAME TO ME! I CAN'T BUT BELIEVE HE KNOWS.. KNOWS THAT SHE'S SAFE WITH ME NEAR AND THAT SHE KNOWS AND REMEMBERS EVERYTHING SHE'S BEEN THROUGH AND THAT I'VE PROVEN MYSELF WORTHY OF HER TRUST! I WON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY... (She should only know that, had she not been here this Winter, I, most certainly, wouldn't be here this Spring... I'd've easily given up on my own health situation and let “nature” take its course... BUT WE BOTH MADE IT AND SHE KNOWS SOMETHING... I wonder what and how much!) Anyway, I'm utterly blown away! “AWE”... that's what it is... “AWE”!
Well then, tonight's forecast... MORE SNOW... slight but still... AND more NEGATIVE numbers in the temperatures for the nights to come! But... never mind all that. In this old house, we have radiators to keep the warmth in and the cold out, windows, walls, ceiling and floor to keep the wind and snow away... a nice and cozy, warm and dry place to play about during the day and to rest safely and soundly at night. And we've made it through the harshest parts of Winter... and tomorrow, when we wake... April will be here... “Spring” and better weather are ever-closer. For now? Love, LOVE and MORE LOVE and never-ending LOVE and DEVOTION... no matter WHAT this old world might throw at us.
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