OCTOBER 2022 * TWO YEARS
Ocotber 13, 2022 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US !! TWO YEARS !!!
☼♥☼
MY LOVE! MY HEART-AND-SOUL ! MY LITTLE GUY ! MY MOST CHERISHED COMPANION !!!
☼♥☼ AND HERE'S TO MANY MORE !!!☼♥☼
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Saturday 01 October:
I woke this morning, realising the month... TWO YEARS... IT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE! And as I put the kettle on, I waited for the one sound that makes a day worth waking to...
At 7.09 my sole reason for taking a next breath came floating through the house, BRIGHT AND CLEAR! The "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" that tells me my Heart-and-Soul was well and fine and ready and waiting to get on with the day ahead.
As I went into his room, I called with my own rendition of a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo"... and immediately, my Little Guy called back. This morning was another "conversational" start to the day. ALL the while I ran back and forth with fresh water for his pool and drinking dish, we chatted. It was almost non-stop. For a moment, I had to wonder if he's not aware of the month... after all, although for me, it was the most major turning point in my life-time, for him, this is when HIS life changed... and even more drastically than mine ever could.
In my readings, I've found it claimed that birds, in general, don't perceive "time" as humans do. I don't doubt that. Humans tend to put "constrictions" of some sort on just about every aspect of our being, "time" being the worst of them all. We're the ones who have to "control time", "allocate", manipulate. We have "agendas"... "9 to 5" and the likes. In Nature, all is a matter of the light of day and darkness of night, the changing of seasons, temperatures, availability of food. But, two years ago this month, Yonah's existence was threatened. Something came along and tried to destroy him! And then... along came a HUMAN... the worst "predator" to wander the planets. And he reached down and picked the tortured little body up, brought it into a place that other-wise would be a prison, a confinement.
There isn't a day that goes by when I don't remember the 13 October 2020, and I wonder what Yonah thinks of the events of that day. And too, there isn't a day that I haven't wondered what he's thinking of his life now, and if I'm providing him with as much to give him happiness as I can... And there isn't a moment when I question my-self, in just about every way possible. Am I providing him with the food he wants? Sure, the food is "nourishing" and I hope it's the best quality possible. But is it what he enjoys? Is he missing anything that he'd have "out there"? And does he have enough space in this house? Does he ever feel "trapped" or "confined"?
And never does a day go by when I don't feel so inferior... unable to understand his coo's, body motions.
But then, when we're coo'ing backi and forth, and he's responding and replying to me, it gives me a bit of re-assurance: like the very first time I'd put my face into his house to give him a little "kiss" and suddenly, as I approached him, HE COO'ED! It was THAT moment when I was "assured"... he's comfortable enough with me that there's no fear... no need to be silent. "WE" were OK... together.
AND... as our time has passed, he's even come to where, when he's ready to get up in the morning... he knows... to call me... and he knows I'll be right there...
And though I wonder whether he knows just how much he is to me, I have a little "feeling" that yes, he does know.
Two years... if nothing else, he's come through what's been "documented" (by people, of course) as the "18 month average life-span". I just hope it's all been worth it... for my Little Guy.
This morning's "poop check"? Well... they're "back to normal" in composition. But this morning, they're still quite numerous. He's passing a LOT during the night. And this morning, they weren't in the usual "neat little pile" under where he passed the night. They weren't "scattered" though, so he was disturbed during the night. I'll just keep a careful watch. It's all I can do, really. Watch... and, with every bit of the energy that is "me", HOPE that all is well with my Precious little Companion.
One thing in particular though, that's really becoming all the more important as the season changes: his heater is working very well. And the position is really quite good. It'll make sure that my Little Guy doesn't get cold over-night, as frost comes to settle... and snow starts to fall out-side. If nothing else, he'll have good food, fresh water and warmth.
Today, "first of the month"... "Bene-Bac"... hopefully that's of some help and will keep his system running properly. That too, is something that will show... in daily "poop checks". Today, "Bene-Bac"... tomorrow... we check with even more scrutiny.
Well, this morning, after all the water changing and house-tidying, it didn't take but moment and Yonah was "on the wing", off and flying about his room and up to his "top shelf" on the wall... with even MORE "woo-HOOs"!
Clear voice, plenty to say and energy to get about. It was a perfect start to a day together.
And as the day rolled on, and I attended to those things that "people" find to be so important, there were MANY moments when everything else stopped and we got in "cuddles", "snuggles" and just SO MUCH "LUVINS"! "Saturday"... no errands, no actual "work"... just plenty of time to be together... and for me... to celebrate the fact that we ARE "together".
But as a day always does, this one just slipped right by... we'd had a little mid-day snack, but the next thing I knew, it was time for "evening meals"... so I got mine, brought it into Yonah's room and we "dined" together, as we do now. He actually knows the time for evening meals! He sees me bring in my plate and almost always heads to his own food at the same time! We literally "dine together"!
Since the day-light had faded into the evening, right after we'd done eating, we got to the evening water change in his pool. Fresh water, twice daily. And the time kept running away from us. So, blinds and curtains closed against the night out-side...
I put his "moon" light on and my Little Guy was "tucked-in" for the night by 20.00. He was all safe, sound, warm and able again, tonight, to sleep, comfortably, with-out a care. If nothing else, I can and do give him that: he can sleep... rest... there are no "predators" in his world now... nothing here to cause him ANY injury... he can "sleep".
Sunday 02 October:
This morning was INDESCRIBABLY WONDERFUL! Last night, again, I settled-down on Yonah's futon for the night, but, having nothing on the agenda for this Sunday, no alarms set. I'd wake up when my Little Guy woke me. And, after a great night's sleep, as it's become "the hour"... at 7.00 the first sound I heard was a hearty "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". Honestly, I can't say that there's a more beautiful way to wake and start a new day than the sound that tells me that Yonah is well, awake and sounding well-rested and in good health.
My first line of "duty", open the door to his house, get our "Good morning kisses" and place his door perch so that, when he was ready to "hit the day", he had open access to "his" world. And, this morning, the kisses were plentiful and the conversation was plentiful.
And, the important item of a morning lately: poop check. PERFECT! All in one place, which meant he'd slept restfully through the night, and all were perfectly moist but not wet. No "stains" on the little bit of kitchen roll. The dark-and-white proportions were as they should be. So, the little bit of Bene-bac he had yesterday didn't give him any trouble. THAT was a great relief to me, to be sure.
So, right away, we opened the curtains and blinds on this chilly, grey, Autumnal morning, and as I got to the morning water relay, my Little Guy headed off to his wall shelves and made himself comfy, where he could watch me running back and forth and we could continue our chatting.
As I worked, the sun rose over the trees out-side the window... a sun-filled day ahead! Couldn't ask for better.
This morning, I had a LOT of catching-up to get done with Journals and other house-hold business, so, shortly after getting the kitchen and the rest of the house settled, I moved me and the lap-top into Yonah's room and, no sooner had I sat to get to work, he was out, about and on my shoulder... kisses, pecks on the cheek and neck and "Luvin's"! (A bit of a distraction, but I'll NEVER complain because he wants to be with me! And even now, going into our THIRD year together, I'm still AMAZED that he actually DOES "WANT" to be close. I don't believe I'll EVER not be amazed by that!)
WE HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY TOO... SUN-SHINE... NOT TERRIBLY COLD! AND TOGETHER... ALL THROUGH! And for SO MUCH of the day, as I sat, at the work table, my Little Guy was on my shoulder! Even when I went through the house! And we took a 30-minute snooze during the day. It was SO GRAND, so WONDERFUL, to be together, in the relative calm of the house, in his room, as the sun POURED in through his windows. (Winter is coming and with it, the sun-shine that FILLS his room as it travels across the Southern sky now... until next late-Spring. The Winter days are cold, the nights can be bitter, but in exchange, Nature sees to it that Yonah's room is BRILLIANTLY illuminated so long as the skies are clear. It's a rather nice exchange, all said.)
And we dined this evening, together, as has become our habit now. That's one thing that remains a "constant" for us: evening meal time. After, because by 18.00 the day is already beginning to fade, the water relay was done.
Today, I got more of the new sand dried and the containers that used to hold the river sand are now sterilised and preparing to hold the new, white, quartz "Play Sand" as that's washed and cleaned and prepared. Although it isn't as "warm" as the browns and beiges of the river sand, knowing that it's cleaner and non-toxic makes it all the better. And when the Winter sun shines in, in the coming months, it will hold some of the day's warmth to carry through into the evening, keeping Yonah's house all the warmer. Coupled with his "Sweeter Heater" that is proving to be quite the greatest investment of all, he should have a most-comfortable and delightful Winter this year. (After all, my Little Guy's getting a little older and the warmth is becoming all the more necessary... and it's my delight to be able to provide him with as much as he'll need. He's never had to fend against an actual Winter night... and so long as we both take breath, I'll see to it that he never will.)
As the night comes sooner now, by 19.30 he was tucked-in... the little "moon light" a-glow on his roof-top in case he wanted to hop over for a last minute bite to eat before seepie-nigh-night. His heater warming his night spot on his perch... blinds and curtains closed and night boards up to ward off any out-side light and to insulate against any chill that might manage to make its way into the room... the rest of the house, calm.
My little Heart-and-Soul is safe again, tonight, protected from predators, cold, winds, what-ever the "environment" might try to accost him with. Just the way it should be for him: safe and sound and OH-SO LOVED!
(And I'll be on his futon through the night, with him, again.)
Monday 03 October:
WHAT a GRAND and GLORIOUS day we had together, today... ALL DAY! (OK, save the 2 hours I had to be away to work, but for the rest... TOGETHER!)
And it all began as the clock read 7.01... JUST as the day-light began to fill this chilled Autumn morning.
From behind the door to his room, my Little Guy called out with a soft "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" at first. I didn't respond right away, because the cooing was so soft. I wondered if he truly was up, awake, ready to get to this morning. But, a moment later, there was another call and this time, it was crisp, clear, "determined". So at THAT call, I ventured back into his room. (I spent the night on his futon and woke at about 5.00. But, not wanting to disturb him, I quietly crept out of his room, closing the door behind me to block the lights in the house and the noises as I got on with my morning.) No sooner did I open the door when... "woo-HOO!" It sounded rather like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" and when I replied "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" my Little One repeated "woo-Hoo!" Oh, little did I know, we were in for quite a "conversational" morning... and indeed, it was!
All the while I busied with opening curtains and blinds to the early morning out-side, we had a regular dialogue, back and forth. Yonah was obviously well-rested and ready for what-ever the day ahead presented. And me? Well, no matter how I might be as of a morning, when Yonah is well, NOTHING in Creation could possibly be anything but PERFECT!
When I finally got his house all settled, and was preparing to get to the water relay, I poked my head in for "Good morning" kisses AND THERE WERE SO, SO MANY KISSES! Softest pecks on the face and nose. Conversation and kisses! We were set for the day, to be sure!
There's NOTHING that compares to knowing that Yonah is as happy to be with me as I am to be with him, that he's feeling well. And this morning's "poop check"? PERFECT! It was his "usual" 7 neat and tidy, great colour and no "liquid"! His digestive system seems to have recovered from what-ever it was that ailed him! SO much of his "health care" is "trial and error" on my part. These 2 years have been a constant education for me, with almost daily searching and researching for any and all information that I can find, granted, on the internet, but it seems that for every one question that comes to my mind, as I find an answer to it, I find even more information that expounds on previous questions and poses even more questions. But I'm never in too much of a rush when it comes to learning about my Little Guy and all that I can do to make his life and time as close to "perfect" as possible.
This isn't the life he was born into, and I can't give him "the world" to explore. And even if I were to return him to that world, "out there", it's most doubtful that he'd manage. Flying about to find food and water would be SO difficult for him. He can fly, but, NOTHING even close to the speed or distance that he'd need. But, what always stays in my mind is his ability to "escape" an attack. Since speed and distance are so terribly compromised now, being out there would be certain death... in that brutal way that something tried to end his life before. I won't have that. This situation isn't "perfect", it isn't "natural", but, my little Heart-and-Soul is comfortable, and his essential, basic needs are cared for and about and provided. I can do that much... and I'll see to it that I always do... for as long as each of us takes breath.
When I got back from work today, we both settled into his room, together. As we do, we kept one-another company... COMPANIONSHIP that's obviously appreciated by both of us. I attended to the chores of the house-hold, and spent time in Yonah's room with him. I had a little "lie-down", he had a bit of a "snooze" too. And our hours passed calmly... together.
This evening, we had our meals together and again, with the day-light hours shortening, by the time we were done, it was time to get to the evening fresh water, house-tidying and closing the windows against the night and the chills that come with sun-down.
By 19.30... all was settled... lights were dimmed. I keep the little "moon" light on for a while after "seepie-nigh-night" kisses... just in case my Little Guy wants a quick bite to eat or something to drink. Just enough light so that he can navigate, safely, in his house. But, by 20.00 it was "time"... lights out. How I'd SO enjoy being able to never sleep... to just spend every moment we both have, together. But, we both need our rest, and, as I've come to learn, mourning doves generally get 12-14 hours of rest a night. So I make sure Yonah has as close to that as possible.
It was a STUPENDOUS day today... and again, tonight, my little Heart-and-Soul was tucked-in for a calm, safe night... warm and protected against the chill that's coming in now, a bit colder and for a bit longer each night.
Tuesday 04 October:
WHAT a GORGEOUS DAY! And again, this morning... morning "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" came at 7.01! It's a bit interesting to see how Yonah's sleep coincides with the length of the night... His is a "natural clock", the way the world was intended. And THIS morning... when I leaned-in, as I always do of a morning, for a soft "Good morning"... OH! SO MANY KISSES! The gentle pecks across the brow and down the side. When I think back to the earliest days when I did my best to "keep distance", not wanting this little bundle of feathered LOVE to become "accustomed" or "acclimated" to humans... it tore me apart, then, really. I SO wanted him to just know that I meant him no harm, but never wanted him to become "comfortable" with the company of humans. I often wonder how Yonah perceived me, my presence. All I ever did was open that "mesh box" (his earliest "house"... more like "confinement"), reach in, provide fresh food and water, change the kitchen roll and leave him alone. Twice daily then, as we do today, but I kept speaking to nothing more than an attempt to assure him that I meant no harm. Looking back, it was a "cold" situation. And now, our morning greetings are so FULL of contact, and it's obvious that the contact is appreciated... honestly, by both of us. And it just amazes me... each and every time.
It was another day where I had to leave the house for a couple of hours and after all the affections of the morning, it was indescribably difficult for me. Because he makes it so obvious that he prefers even just knowing that I'm some-where in the house, thinking of him being by him-self, alone... it weighs so heavily on my heart all the while I'm away. But, I left, assuring him that I'd be back very soon. (And, since work is only just next door, and today was an easier day with moments to spare, I dropped back in to say "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" and to re-assure that I wasn't far away and would be back ever-so soon. It also did me good to know that he was OK... When I came in, he was just as cozy as could be. He knows this is his "home"... HIS. It's a tonic to the soul to come in and see him so comfortable, relaxing... in HIS house... SAFE.)
When, at last, I came back, first stop, before changing out of work clothes, was to check-in AND as I leaned in to say "Hello, I'm back." there were SO MANY MORE KISSES! IT WAS ONE OF THE MORE AFFECTIONATE DAYS! As much as I appreciate them, it "touches" me because I wonder if my Little Guy doesn't actually notice that he's alone in the house and I wonder if it "disturbs" him in any way. Surely, I've seen mourning doves out-side, in their "natural environment", solo, as it were. They're not ALWAYS with another dove or even with a flock. I imagine that even doves appreciate a bit of "alone time". Not to mention, even "mates" have other places to go during a day. So, for the couple of hours that I'm away from the house, it gives Yonah some time in peace, no "people" jumping about the place. But, there's just that "something" inside me that hurts to think that at any moment he might "call out", expecting to hear some sort of reply or response... and there's nothing. Sure, the radio is on, and too, his recorded "bird-songs" so he's never in complete silence. (I make sure that there's never complete silence in the house, especially when I'm not in... complete silence being an indication of "danger" to birds). But, there's all the "stillness" of the house, nothing "moving"... no breezes, no branches moving, no other Little Ones passing. So, when he seems SO happy to see me, I appreciate that I'm "the flock", as it were, but still, it disturbs me to think of him being lonely...
Odd, this, but "companionship" is something that I've come to know that parrots require, that their "people" are, effectively, their "life-line". I've come to know that mourning doves are "flocking" creatures, accustomed to being amongst others, if not "many others". But Yonah makes it abundantly clear: company is essential. Mourning doves have to have a presence... even though, most often, "presence" is all that's "required"... if I reach out to touch him and he's not "in the mood for contact"... WOOSH... he's off! But hey... I do what I can... more "trial and error"... and learning.
SO... I made quick work of changing out of work clothes, grabbing a bit of a mid-day snack and settled at the work table to eat, catch a bit of the day's news, correspondences and the likes.
BUT... today... we made time for breaks... FOR LUVINS !!! AND THE LUVINS WERE ABUNDANT THROUGH THE DAY! SO many KISSES ! SO MANY KISSES ! And Yonah made it SO obvious that he was "in the mood" to be together... not only for "woo-HOOs" but he actually "nestled into" cuddles and snuggles! He wanted to be held. And as I brought him to my chin, he raised his head to press it against me. It's the MOST INDESCRIBABLY BEAUTIFUL FEELING TO KNOW THAT NOT ONLY DOES HE TRUST ME, HE ACTUALLY SHOWS HIS AFFECTION. IT'S ASSURING, FOR ME. HE'S TELLING ME THAT WHAT-EVER IT IS I DO FOR HIM, IT'S APPRECIATED AND I'M DOING "OK". I'M SURELY NOT "PERFECT"... BUT I'M DOING "OK".
I ordered a little "Beanie Baby" dove today. Apparently, they've been discontinued so I had to look for them on the internet. It's just a "notion", and curiosity, to see what Yonah's reaction will be to something that, at least looks like another bird (dove or other-wise). And I'm thinking about trying to dye this a brown colour, something closer to a "mourning dove" colour. They're white, and there aren't any "mourning dove-like" "stuffies" out there (that I've found). When this one arrives, I'll have to figure a way to get it brown... with-out using toxic fabric dyes. (I'm thinking: boil it in strong coffee... and then, hoping the brown stains, and all the coffee rinses out. Caffeine is toxic for birds so... It'll be a new challenge.)
And, I ordered fresh "filtre fabric" too... the cold weather is coming and we'll have the house furnace running so I want the air coming into Yonah's room to be clear of dust, especially when the furnace starts running. Surely there's a lot that's settled in the duct-work over the Summer months. He still has the little "air purifier" too, and we'll be using that too. I know that "out there", in the wood-lands, there'd be nothing to "clear the air" of what-ever floats about, but, in the house... house dust and cooking and the sort... well... this isn't his "natural environment" so... I just want his environment to be "healthy"... "non-threatening". All I can do is the best I can do... and that's what I'm doing... and hoping it's the right thing. (I feel so stupid, inferior. But, as I say: today, my Little Guy did his best to let me know... things are "OK".)
The day went by SO QUICKLY today! Every day goes by too quickly but now, the days are so short. And I want to do the best possible to keep with Yonah's "natural cycle". By 18.30 though, we'd done with our evening meals and I'd managed to get the evening water changes done too... Out-side, it was already dark! So, the Yardies were all roosted for their night, I'm sure, especially the mourning doves who don't (I've read) see very well in the dark. It was time to get things settled for "seepie-nigh-night". So early for people, but... my Little Guy is supposed to get 12-14 4hours of rest anyway, and "night" is "night" no matter what the human clock reads. Night boards went up, the lights were dimmed... "moon" light on just to give enough light in case of "last minute nibble" or a quick "drink of water before bed".
By 19.00, my little Heart-and-Soul was tucked-in... safe and sound, for a good night's rest.
The forecast threatens quite a cold night ahead. I'm relieved to know that we don't have to be concerned about that any more... the "Sweeter Heater" is there, blocking the chills of the nights to come. My Little Guy will be able to sleep, warm, cozy, protected against predators... and cold, food and water readily available... nothing to be concerned with or about. I might not be able to provide "perfection", but, I can, and do, provide safety. And as I continue to say:
Nothing is "too good" nor "too much"... and nothing is ever "good enough" for my Precious, Cherished Heart-and-Soul.
Wednesday 05 October
"Morning Call" at 7.01 this morning and Wednesday "came to order" in the most WONDERFUL way:
Poop-check"... just as perfect as it could be. The "usual" quantity, consistency, composition. My Little Guy is HEALTHY again!
AND... OH THE CHATTING ALL THE WHILE WE OPENED CURTAINS AND BLINDS AND I MADE THE "DASH" WITH THE "WATER RELAY"! FULL-ON CONVERSATION! Right from the beginning, when he called from his room and I replied, all through the "morning routine"! And almost immediately, when I'd opened the door to his house, he was UP and OUT and ON-THE-WING, across his room and off to the futon, then up to the wall shelves! Ah... BUT, he came back as I was bringing in the fresh water for his pool and he roosted on his door perch... FOR KISSES! As WONDERFUL as it all was, it made leaving for work SO difficult for me but, I waited until the very last-possible moment... leaving as late as possible and returning as quickly as possible.
It tears at me when I think of how, these days, Yonah actually appears to "want" to be close, to have me here with him, and I have to leave... even though it's only 2 hours or so. I suppose I have to admit that most (if not all) is my own anxieties. Granted, we are "the flock" here, but, the fact is, even "in Nature", mourning doves aren't with another all the time. Many are the times when a lone dove has come into the yard. And many are the times when I've seen a solo dove in a meadow. Who knows? Maybe the reason Yonah's been so affectionate of late is because he enjoys the hours in the morning when he has the house to himself. I'm pretty sure the company of a human probably isn't always appreciated... even if I do try to be "conversational" and good company. Anyway, I'm just relieved... I'm not gone 8 or more hours, and I AM right next door (and I DO drop back into the house when I can... even if just to call from the door or run in, give a "Hello!" and a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo").
Well, today was a WONDERFULLY SUN-DRENCHED DAY... and HOW the sun POURED into Yonah's room as we passed the hours together. And when I came back in from work, I grabbed a 30-minute lie-down... dozed briefly and woke to see my Precious Little Guy there, on the futon! He'd come to "snooze" with me!
AND... Today was ANOTHER day of CUDDLES AND LUVINS! AND MORE "SNUGGLING" WHEN I HELD YONAH IN MY HANDS, UNDER MY CHIN! HE PRESSED HIS LITTLE HEAD UP AND WIGGLED IT SO. We had kisses and "Luvins breaks" too... especially because he "snapped" for them. As I got on with my own chores and such, when-ever I sat, at the table or on the futon, I got a little "wing-snap"... "HEY! YOU THERE!" So, of course, as it always is... "time" was for my little Heart-and-Soul! And PURELY DELIGHTFULLY SO!
HE'S REALLY FEELING SO MUCH BETTER... AND IT'S SO OBVIOUS! (And I'm SO relieved!)
As the day rolled along, I managed to get "things" done around the house and the sun-shine FILLED Yonah's room! We're coming into the season where the sun rises closer to the South, travels across the sky and sets... all in Yonah's windows. (Luckily, in spite of the temperatures out-side dropping, the sun shining in through the windows bring light AND warmth to the room!) But... the sun-shine wasn't around for long ("Autumn" days... as they are, short). So, before long, we were settling-down for evening meals together... me at the work table and Yonah up on his "ledge". We "watched" a little of the evening news and by the time the washing-up was done, the sun had disappeared. Our "sunny day" had turned to late evening and was heading directly into another night.
By 19.15 the evening waters had been changed, the night boards were installed... and out-side, as the blinds and curtains were closed... the sun was no-where to be seen... "Night" had arrived. Even the Yardies had come and gone for the day and were off to where-ever they spend nights. BUT... SOME-birdie (here) was in NO mood to settle-down just yet! Yonah wanted to PLAY... up on his roof-top! So, for a little while, we played "Catch Me" and he "attacked" and "beaked" my hand. I had to "bring" him down from his roof-top and into his house! (As much as I'd really delight in being able to stay up all through the night as well as the day... I don't want my Little Guy to get run down, tired, and that 12-14 hours of rest... Whether he thinks he wants it or not, I have to make sure that he CAN get his rest... just as much as I have to make sure I get mine. Both of us being exhausted does neither of us any good... sadly.)< br />
By 19.30 though, Yonah's house was settled, as was the rest of the house. Lights were dimmed... his moon light was on... and he was still, obviously, in no mood to sleep! So I left the lights on, dim, and stepped out of the room, to give him the chance to "settle". He was on his night perch... just not "calmly settling".
By 20.00, when I looked-in on him again, he was on his night perch, under his heater, beside his mirror. Now, it was time... lights off, night had come... it was time for rest, to refresh for tomorrow... and what-ever tomorrow would be bringing.
Thursday 06 October:
I woke, this morning, on Yonah's futon, well before the first light of the Autumnal morning started to change last night's indigo skies to the dim, dark blue of early morning, and went to the kitchen to prepare my coffee. By 7.32, I looked at the clock and realised that there hadn't been any indication that Yonah was awake yet, so, I quietly crept into his room and, with-out making a sound, I began to fold the blankets, preparing for the day to come, and as I folded, from the corner of his house, in the darkness...
"woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"...
My little heart-and-Soul was awake and was calling "Good morning! Open the door and let's have a go at this morning !"
We chatted, back and forth for a moment as I finished putting the blankets to the side and, when I opened the door to his house and leaned in for our "Good morning" kisses, right after the first "wing stretch", kisses were plentiful! Yonah was well-rested, and obviously feeling quite well too... so my morning was all set, perfectly.
And "poop-check"? MUCH BETTER again this morning. Back to the "regular" quantity (about 7) and consistency (no "green water" on the kitchen roll). YES! It seems that what-ever was ailing my PRECIOUS Little Guy has passed or is passing. I'm not certain what it was that caused him to fall ill, but, perhaps removing that batch of river sand that we'd been using for hi "beach" and for under his pool, and the removal of the river rocks seems to have made things better. (Maybe it WAS the iron in the stones and sand that was making him sick. Like lead in our drinking pipes will do to people... too much iron, especially if he was ingesting it with the sand... I won't know for absolute certain, but, I'm just relieved to see such improvements.)
However, not to be TOO comfortable about things, there were a GREAT MANY little "downy feathers" with the poops. Last night, he'd obviously slept well, in the same spot, through the night. All the poops were right in the same spot. But too, there were so many little feathers there! It's as though he'd been "plucking" at some point during the night. He didn't make any noise, nothing that I heard. So he wasn't agitated. It seems he just "picked" or "plucked" at the little feathers on his chest and under-belly. They're all the small, downy feathers, and, thankfully, there aren't any "bald" spots from the picking. But I'm concerned about this now. I wonder: is he simply moulting or is there something else bothering him? Or, could this be a result of the illness that he was suffering? Is he "shedding" feathers because of what-ever made him ill? Well, sadly, for me, only time will tell.
One thing above all others though: This morning, my Little Guy had a LOT of energy, and all appeared to lead me to believe that he was well and fine! I always tend to "worry" about him, especially first thing in the morning. There's never any telling what could develop over-night... I've always worried about him in the morning. I suppose I always will.
What was EVER-SO precious this morning was that he'd positioned him-self at his door perch whilst I made the trips out and back with the fresh water for his pool... It's his way of telling me that I'm expected to give kisses with each time I come in with fresh water. And, well, of course, that's exactly what I do, what I did. And I can tell that it's what he wants because he stays there, until I re-connect the little fountain, at which point, he knows that the runnings are done, and he goes on about his business of the day, satisfied with the LOVE. (Though, honestly, I could NEVER give him enough of that!)
Today was an exceptionally warm one... 24°, though it felt much warmer. So, I took advantage of the warmth and sun and got to the "Winterising" of the windows. The bed-room got their annual "plastic" insulation and the fan, removed. And Yonah's window fan got removed. BUT, BOTH of his windows were opened through the day! Glorious fresh air flowed through his room... warm, fresh air. It was SO delightful! There's no telling when, again, we'll be able to enjoy that, but for today, it was so pleasant. And as I worked from the out-side of the house, we "chatted". He called to me, I called to him. (I wonder what the neighbours must think, though I've been told they find it "endearing". They know how much Yonah means to me... well... almost. I don't believe they believe "how" important his well-being is to me and how much mine depends on his.)
After the windows were all done, we had our evening meals together and after, as I went about the evening water relay, Yonah took off and rested on his wall shelves.
When I was done, I laid on his futon and together, we listened to a bit of "Hauser". Yonah shows a particular appreciation for "cello" music. Since I've read that doves don't necessarily hear "words", per se, but they recognise "qualities" of sound, "tone", "timbre", &c., I often wonder what it is that Yonah hears in cello music. I know that he has particular pieces of music that he prefers because he'll coo to some, but I wonder what, exactly, it is that he hears that he appreciates. What-ever it is, he does have an obvious preference for the cello. And so, calmly, we both relaxed for a while, to the soft sounds of Hauser until it was time to set his house up for the night. (We were there, that way, quietly, together, for the better part of a good 45 minutes this evening. HEAVEN!)
Well, by 19.45 this evening, my Little Guy was tucked-in... Window blinds and curtains closed, the night boards up. Out-side, the Yardies had come and gone and the world was "roosting" away some-where. The sun was already gone and the street lights were on. I'd set his futon up for me for the night. The desk lamp was off, his "moon light" was on, softly. My little Heart-and-Soul was safely settled. Tonight, the house was warm enough from the day's sun-shine and fresh air that we didn't need his heater, so we took advantage of it. But his windows and curtains were closed... just in case. And I would be on his futon, in his room, to monitor the temperature. (I sleep under 2 flannel sheets only so that, if the room cools, I'll wake and put his heater on.) Our day together had come to a close... and all was well... he was safe in his house.
I just hope that the situation with his feathers is just a "regular moulting" and that there's nothing else causing the drop. He had his "probiotics" on the 1st of the month, and on the 15th, he'll have more milk thistle. If situation warrants, I'll change the plan to more frequently. But for now, at least he has energy and his "poops" are back to "normal". Time... that's all we have to learn by, with and from... Time and HOPE... and I have an over-abundance of both, all wrapped in infinite LOVE!
Friday 07 October:
The clock read 7.14, and there'd been no "morning call". I'd gotten up from Yonah's futon at about 6.14 this morning. We'd "spent the night together", as it were, last night and all seemed to be well when I woke, checked on him and headed for the kitchen to put my coffee on. But, when the hour approaches 7.30, I begin to "wonder". So, carefully, I opened the door to his room and went in, quietly, and began to put the futon back together, and as I lifted the blankets...
"woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"...
My little Heart-and-Soul was up, awake and well! And when I replied with a soft "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" he responded, in kind. OK! Today passed. My Little Guy was well enough to not only call, but to answer as well, and my heart lightened. So I opened the door to his house and leaned in... for "Good morning kisses". Right after a glorious wing-stretch, kisses were abundant. WE were ready and set for the new, though over-cast, day.
Poop check this morning was the "usual normally good"; 7 little bits and no "water" staining the bit of kitchen roll that collected them during the night. And they were all in the same area, directly under where my Precious Companion had rested through the night. The one thing that's really getting to me though: the many little downy feathers that were on there too. During the night, he must be "picking" at them and pulling them out! There aren't any "bald" spots on him, and where they're coming from isn't obvious. I wonder now, if the new heater doesn't have something to do with this. Is he too warm through the night and he's shedding feathers to compensate for what's unusual warmth for this season? Last night, the low was expected to be about 16-18° so, I didn't leave his heater on over-night. The house was comfortably warm/cool through. So I'm thinking that, if the out-side temperatures aren't going to be too chilly, we'll just rely on the house-hold central heating for a while and see what happens.
He's not showing any indications of ailments other-wise so I'm hoping this is just a bit of a moult. (Again, I feel SO incompetent. But me assurance is the horrors of the so-called "veterinarian" who could tell me anything other than "gram negative bacteria" and "He's WILD! He probably had them when you got him!" Apparently, SHE, with all her education and training, couldn't be of any more help than I am.)
Well then, we DID have a bit of a chat as the curtains and blinds were opened and even through the water relay! Nothing in Creation puts my mind and soul at rest better than that. And there's nothing at all that's more beautiful than Yonah's coo's... first thing of a morning.
And work? Well yes, I had to leave again, this morning, and again, this morning, it was the usual "painful". I often wonder if I shouldn't just take advantage of the situation where-by I don't actually "need" to keep this little job. (But, then again... this morning brought me a reminder of why it is a nice little addition...)
This morning, I had the delight to receive a little "Anniversary gift" that I'd ordered, on a whim, for Yonah. In lieu of bringing-in another dove, something I can't be sure he'd appreciate, tolerate, accept, I thought I'd give a try with one of those "Beanie Babies" that were once so popular. And I happened to have found one on-line and so... yes... I bought one and this morning, it arrived! And, I'm thankful for the fact that it arrived nice and clean and in perfect order and condition! So, as soon as I came back into the house, I got right to opening the box to check it and... to see what Yonah's reaction to it would be.
Although he wasn't all too excited about it, in fact, he looked almost a bit perturbed at the presence of "another dove" in the house, he didn't "attack" it, as he'd done, originally, with the decoys and the little "pillow dove". He appeared more curious, than much else. This gives me some idea as to whether or not getting another live dove is a good idea. My heart wants, so much, to be able to get Yonah a little companion... another dove. I'd SO prefer adopting another mourning dove, but that's not highly likely that anybody would have one for what-ever reason. (Although Amy, our letter carrier, has told me that if she ever hears of somebody rescuing one, she'll let me know so there's that much "closer".) And I've looked into the potential situation(s) between mourning and rink-neck doves. Two sides came to point on various forums: (a) They can mate and even produce but the off-spring will be "sterile" (which isn't "bad", since I don't really want to start the nonsense of "cross-breeding", not to mention, the responsibility of raising more "captive" Little Ones), or, in a "horror scenario", as it was described by one poster, (b) there's the risk that a mourning dove would "ring the neck" of the ring-neck dove! And I SURELY DON'T WANT THAT! Couple all this with my uncertainty about whether the "other" should be male or female. Would Yonah see another male as a "competitor"? A never-ending fighting situation. Would a female simply be rejected? An "interloper"? Too many "variables". BUT, as it turned-out, after QUITE a bit of "curiosity" and obvious "intrigue"... head-bobbing and flying about back and forth to the futon pillows where I'd put the "new birdie", it appears Yonah will "tolerate", if not "accept" the new addition! (I even managed to get a video of his response!) Now, where this will all go to from here is anybody's guess. He DOES appear to "favour" the pillow-dove. But then, that one is "normal", usual, part of his house-hold. If he rejects the "Beanie Baby", we'll just put it aside some-where else. If he accepts it, well then, it will become part of "our house-hold" too. (I'm pondering trying to dye/colour this one to shades of brown, closer to a mourning dove's colourations... and I've looked into "natural dyes"... coffee is the most popular, and I have plenty of that in the house. I know that allowing the Little Ones to eat the grounds can be lethal to them... the caffeine being toxic. But if it's merely the colouring, and there's nothing "ingestible"... The next step is to test whether or not the materials, "polyester", will "take" the colour. But for that, I'm thinking of getting another Beanie... if it doesn't work, at least we have one in proper condition. (No doubt, there'll be more photos... of this little project. As I always say: Yonah is such a source of inspiration, learning, education, intrigue... AWE!)
Well then... This evening though, the reality of "Winter" came into the house quit obviously. Right after we'd done our evening meals, the sky had darkened considerably. The clouds hung heavily in the darkening sky as the sun silently crept down behind the Western ridge. It was already time to get to the evening task of "water relay" so that my Little Guy and I could settle-in and settle-down for the night. "Time", when it's with Yonah, seems to be stolen so regularly, but at this time of the year, in this season, it seems to happen more ruthlessly. By 18.53 water had been changed, and the blinds and curtains were closed against the chill in the North wind out-side. His back board was installed... and tonight, his heater was plugged in. So it begins... the chilly nights.
The "bird-songs" were off, the radio played softly. I settled the rest of the house for the night and came back to his work table and as I jotted today's events in this Journal, my little Heart-and-Soul was eating. Eating... something he does that settles my heart and soul so peacefully. And he hopped down from his little ledge/shelf to get a hearty drink of fresh water and, in moments, he was back up, eating more. Seeing him eating tells me that he's feeling well. There's a piece of advice given my most competent veterinarians:
As long as s/he is eating, there's really nothing to worry, terribly, about.
The Little Ones won't eat when they feel that it's futile to do so, that eating, taking any nourishment, will only prolong a suffering. So, eating is one of THE MOST important things that I watch with Yonah... and tonight, his appetite was WONDERFUL! So too, my peace of mind.
It was an "interesting" sort of day, with the addition of the new "birdie", as I call his pillow dove and now, this new, white "birdie". And I'm glad that he didn't out-right reject it's presence. (And I'm looking, again, into finding a ring neck dove... pondering, considering. Although, with all the "cuddling" and the kisses and snuggling Yonah and I have done today, it does, some-how, seem that it being just the two of us is "good enough" to him... As with every-thing I do, every-thing I provide for him, to me, none of it is "good enough" so... ) And we had the day together.
In fact, at one point, I managed to get a 30-minute snooze in on the futon and when I woke, Yonah was "roosting" on my ankle. He'd been there through the entire time! Yeah, we're good... together... the two of us... maybe not "good enough" (for me), but we're good... enough... I suppose. And today, we did have the rest of the day together... and tomorrow... we have a WHOLE DAY ahead! I'll never feel "competent" nor "properly sufficient" when it comes to what-ever I do or give. But the bottom line is that Yonah appears to be content with things as they are... and he shows NO signs of being "stressed or neglected"... I have to settle my soul with this much.
So, the day rolled along, and I got our "Friday" chores attended and we had our evening meals together. But, because the days are cut so short as Autumn moves into Winter and the sun sets so early, right after, we got to the "evening water relay"... changing the water in pool and dish, and getting Yonah's house prepare for a night's rest. And these evenings, by about 19.00, the sun has set and even the Yardies have come and gone for the day so I try to keep Yonah as much to the "Natural clock" as possible (though it's always the most difficult part of the day... knowing that we'll be sleeping through the night hours when, if we could, I'd like for us to be able to stay awake always... time together). By 19.30, the blinds and curtains were closed, and the house, as a whole, from Yonah's house to the rest, was all settled for the night.
Night boards up, the little "moon light" was set on the roof board, a nice dim light, just enough for Yonah to find his way to his food and water, should he want before going to sleep. It also gives me just enough light to navigate my own way... when I come back, to "tuck me in" on his futon which is what I'm doing these nights... and did again, tonight.
We might not be playing and such together, through the night, but, at least I can be in the same room. My little Heart-and-Soul on his perch, and, of course, the door to his house is closed so that, should something startle him in the night's darkness, he won't take to flying about the room and colliding with anything. But I'm right there, to be able to check on him, and, as I've done before, console and calm him. And I believe he's very much aware of my presence in the room too. I come in after when I believe, he's "asleep", and in the morning, I'm out of the room before when I believe he's "awake". But some-how, I do believe, he knows that I'm there, in the room, in the dark... and from the morning's "poop check", he does rest, in one place, through the night... and he does appear to be doing MUCH better, health-wise, since I've taken to sleeping in his room. (And I've been sleeping MUCH better since... so... we have a "WIN-WIN".. .We're support for one-another. I'm not sure whose "bond" is stronger or more important, but I will say: In those passing moments when I ponder a time with-out him, the moment doesn't linger long... I don't see a time with-out him... He IS my * Heart... and... Soul *.)
Saturday 08 October:
It was a "chatty" opening to a sunny, "leaf-tinted" Saturday morning, this. At 7.18, the sun was just about turning the sky a lighter shade of blue, and as the light came through the Autumnal foliage, it gave a "red and gold" hue to the room through the curtains... illuminating my Little Guy's morning "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". 7.18... Saturday came to order, and when I opened the door to his house and leaned in for "Good morning" kisses, he gave a BEAUTIFUL wing stretch and kisses this morning, were quite abundant. Now THAT, in and of itself, is ALL ANY-ONE could hope for of a day! Yonah was rested, and even this morning's "poop check" showed that he'd slept calmly through the night. (I too, had done the same... on his futon. I've lost count of the nights I've been sleeping there again. But it doesn't matter. I'm just grateful that I have the luxury of sleeping in his room where I can be there... in case of "need in the night". No mid-night rodents running about to startle my Little One in his sleep. And I'm still "monitoring" his new "Sweeter Heater"... just making sure it's safe... and that he's comfortable with it.) Aside from the number of "poops" this morning (about 20 small ones), they're looking "good"... only slightly "greenish" but mostly brown, and, I'm SO thankful... no more "green water" leeching out into the kitchen roll. That much is comforting to me... though, I still SO WISH I could actually KNOW how he's feeling these days, and with the shedding of feathers, I wish I could KNOW, for certain, what that's all about... "moulting" or some other cause/reason. But, at least all the passing of water has stopped, and the dark-green colouration has stopped. Well, he had his Bene-bac on the 1st, and now he has "moulting mix" in with his regular diet. On the 15th, we'll add more milk thistle and from now on, we'll keep a routine of the Bene-bac on the 1st, milk thistle on the 15th... unless there's any indication that we need to either stop one, the other or both... or increase the frequency. Oh... even MORE of the "uncertainties". How I doubt my own intuitions. I just want to be able to be certain that what-ever I do for this little feathered bundle of LIFE won't ever cause him even a "mild discomfort". He's already been through such a terrible "Hell", which brought him into my own Life. But so many keep telling me that I've provided him with a life that's been much better than what he'd have to confront in his naturally intended life... in the wilderness. I wonder, though. He doesn't appear to be un-happy. I just SO want and NEED for him to be healthy, comfortable... and TRULY happy. Well, one thing for certain: he won't EVER be subjected to the abuse we've already experienced, twice, at the hands of those who claim to be "caring". We'll make it. We've made it this far... we'll make it through what-ever else Creation has to throw at us... Yes, we will!
Sad part of this morning: I had to get to work and Saturdays are my "3-hour" days. It's hard enough on me to leave for the 2 hours, and Saturdays start 30 minutes earlier! This morning, again, was difficult for me because, for most of our time together, Saturdays have been our "together all day" days. But, this little job is allowing me to get the little extras that my Little Guy SO deserves to have. What's "odd" is that I can tell that he knows when I'm getting ready to leave the house. There's a noticeable change in his general demeanour. And so, as I got ready, he headed for his little ledge where his food is and settled there. It's painful to me to see that. He's SO aware of EVERY little change, in the house, in my emotions. But I'm almost positive that he knows that I don't like leaving him, not being in his company. He "knows" that I'm not leaving him, abandoning him. So, I just rely on my faith in him and his faith and trust in me.
I DID take an opportunity though, today, to step away from work and come back in to "check in" with him. (It's one of the "perks" of working just next-door... being able to stop back in to say "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo".) AT about 10.00, he was still on the little ledge, looking rather comfy. I wonder: does he take little snoozes during the day? I mean, I'm pretty sure that the Little Ones "out in the wild" aren't constantly on the move, always busy "doing" and "going" and "moving". And I've come back into the house to find Yonah flying about his room, or busy "doing" something in his house (though, I still have to get out and replace the little twigs I tossed when he seemed to have taken ill... not wanting ANYTHING in his house that might cause him ANY harm). So I do know that, when he's of a mind, he'll make him-self quite "occupied" during his time to him-self. Besides, it might be a bit of a relief to him... having the house to him-self... with his bird-songs and the radio. At least he doesn't have to be on the look-out for any predators here! And no competition for food and water. And nothing that will damage or destroy his safe house and home. There's that much. So, I was slightly comforted to see him relaxing...
When I FINALLY got back "home" though, I called as I came in the front door and when I got to his room, there he was, on his door perch... as if welcoming me back! I ran over to give (and get) kisses, and then quickly changed from work clothes to house so that we could get in some cuddles. We settled for a little bit of lunch and we had a 30-minute snooze together, as we do of an after-noon. The rest of the day? We had that together! The last vestiges of a "normal" Saturday.
It was SO MUCH FUN this after-noon though when I decided to re-work a little table lamp that I've had for a while but never really liked. The lamp was too "ornate" and "cheap" in appearance. It was a "necessity buy"... I needed the little lamp, it was available and inexpensive and I've always wanted to "work with" it and today, I got it and situated me on Yonah's futon to disassemble, modify and re-assemble it... AND YONAH WAS SO FASCINATED WITH WHAT I WAS DOING! As I sat on his futon, working with pliers and tapes and the likes, he roosted on the back of the chair, in front of me, AND HOW HE STARED, INTENTLY, WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE... HEAD TILTED, AT TIMES, AS IF TO GET A BETTER PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT WAS HAPPENING. He's done the same thing at other times too, when I work on some little project. He misses NOTHING, whether it be some little change to his house or some little project I get involved with. And he IS intrigued by most activities, especially in his room. Not to mention the times now when I'll be working in the kitchen and he comes in, stands beside or behind me just as a matter of "checking" on me. There's SO MUCH MORE COGNIZANCE AND SENTIENCE IN THIS LITTLE BUNDLE OF LIFE! THERE TRULY IS! And I still feel so BLESSED and PRIVILEGED to be a part of it! And I'm so grateful!
Oh, but the days now, pass so quickly! Even worse than they did during the "long days of Summer"! By 18.30 the sun was gone from the sky. We'd had a WONDERFUL day together though. And we had evening meals together. As the day came to a close, we were together, the radio playing softly, the bird-songs still playing, and the rest of the house was quiet. Yonah was beginning his "before seepie-nigh-night snacking"... but it was time to start our "settling-down" for the night. The "good" part of this evening: tomorrow is Sunday... and I don't have to leave the house. I'm planning on an entire day at the work table, catching-up on SO much that's gone to the way-side for the past couple of months since I've gone back to work. AND... then, Monday, ANOTHER day together because of the holiday... Add to that... THURSDAY IS OUR "2-YEAR ANNIVERSARY" TOGETHER AND I'VE GOTTEN TIME OFF FOR IT! ANOTHER DAY TOGETHER! WOO-HOO(hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo)! So, with the calm, and the evening "water relay" done... it was time to get Yonah's house prepared for the night to come.
By 19.40 the blinds and curtains were closed against the threatened 2° chill of the night to come. The night boards were installed. And the new heater was plugged-in and giving warmth to my Little Guy's night spot on his perch. If nothing else, I'm SO thrilled, pleased, relieved having that heater for him. Granted, should the electric go out because of a storm, it won't be on any more use than anything else in this "electric" house, but, at least it provides direct warmth where warmth matters most: for my little Heart-and-Soul, and right where he spends the night, where he's obviously most comfy over-all. And too, it provides HIM with the warmth, as opposed to the little radiator that had to warm the entire room in order for him to be warmed.
One thing though, tonight, Yonah didn't seem to want to "tuck-in" for the night and when I leaned in for our "Good night" kisses, he literally PECKED at my eye! Not the usual light pecks that are more like little kisses... tonight he seemed almost "angry" at the aspect of closing the day! BUT... there's the "10-14 hours" that mourning doves are supposed to have for rest at night, and the fact that the sun had set so the Yardies were already roosting so, even as much as I would DELIGHT in staying awake all through the nights to be together with my Bestie here, rest is always a necessity and it was time.
I managed to get in a couple of "kisses" and soft assurances that I'd be right in, shortly, to tuck-in on the futon. So, as is the routine now, I put his little "moon light" on, dimly, and placed it on the roof board so that, if he wanted to, my Little Guy could navigate his way over to his food for another snack and to the water (in the pool and the little dish). I took my leave....
Tonight, I tuck-in on the futon and NO alarm set for tomorrow! We get to sleep for as long as we get to sleep, come the morning. Sleep with the sun-set... wake with the sun-rise... just the way Nature intended... for both of us...
Sunday 09 October:
Drizzly, grey, the furnace was running when I woke, on the futon in Yonah's room, after a peaceful night's sleep for both of us. And, at 7.00, the sun really wasn't anything to even be considered yet, the room was still quite dark but I got up and stepped out, quietly, to put the kettle on for my morning coffee. I wondered when my Little Guy would wake, but didn't want to rush him... but I opened the door to his house and placed his door perch so that when he did wake, if he chose, he could take to the rest of the room. At 7.06 though, as I was in the kitchen, preparing for a Sunday morning, came the sweetest sound of "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". Obviously, I didn't slip away un-noticed; my Precious Little Heart-and-Soul was up, awake, and, of course he saw me... in his own silence. And when I called back, in kind, it was confirmed: Sunday was officially open and ready for business!
We had a little chat whilst I went about getting the kitchen ready, for my coffee and his morning "water relay". And when I went in to open his curtains and blinds to the new day, grey as it was, he was already stretching his wings in preparations of his own. We made short order of getting to the business of "morning", and when I opened the window blinds and the dim morning light came softly into the room... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". Now THAT'S the "official morning opening"! My Little Guy was ready to roll!
This morning's "poop check" was WONDERFUL too! 10 little ones, and NO "green liquid" on the little bit of kitchen roll. And ALL were directly under where he'd slept the night. My assurance that he had, in fact, slept peacefully through the night. All was well on this October Sunday morning. And we continued our chatting and he took to his door perch for morning "kisses" as I went back and forth with the fresh water for his pool.
My "Joy" this morning: Nothing on the day's agenda that would take me away, and the plans for the day... Just us, together, in the house. The forecast was for intermittent rain and sun and cool temperatures. A perfect day to be together... (and tomorrow, a holiday, more of the same). And we were up, my Heart-and-Soul was rested and healthy... and that's all that needed to be known. Happy Sunday morn!
Apparently, as the day progressed, SOMEBODY was TRULY HAPPY that we were together through the day!
The sun came and went, and I "established" me at the work table, with SO MUCH to catch-up on today... from Journals to shopping (on-line) and book-keeping AND I HAD CLOSE COMPANY !!! MY BESTIE COMPANION WAS ON MY SHOULDER, ON MY HAND, ON THE BOOKS, THE KEY-BOARD... IT WAS A BREATH-TAKINGLY AMAZING SORT OF DAY! Yes, we've had our "days" and the "moments" in them when Yonah wanted, so much, to be "on" me some-how, but TODAY was EXCEPTIONAL!
All through the day today, as I sat trying to get any of my work done, I had "company" and "supervision"... my Little Guy was on my arm, toddling down to my hands as I tried to type. I can't say "why" he's had so much interest in what I was doing today, but for the past couple of months, my being here, with him, ALL day, had become some-what "unique" and I can't help but think that that's what's impressed him today: I woke this morning, had my coffee, brought everything in to his work table and with the exceptions of getting something from the kitchen or an occasional trip to the loo, we've been together every moment! Even when I tried to take a little snooze (twice... "tried"), there he was, right at my head, poking at my forehead, nose, ears. He wanted SO much to PLAY... and be "tickled", cuddled, and generally "acknowledged"... unusually often! And make no mistake: I am NOT saying so as any sort of complaint. In fact, my AWE deepens when my little Heart-and-Soul makes it obvious that he wants to be with and close to me! To think: two years ago, I didn't know that he would survive the first 24 hours after being attacked. And, as the days and weeks passed, I didn't know that or if he'd survive through the next day. I NEVER even considered that he'd be "with" me, one way or another, for the following weeks, never mind, months. But, to come to where we are today, an almost inseparable PAIR, a "unit" comprised of two so disparate entities, THAT thought just NEVER even came to mind. After all... Yonah is a wild-born mourning dove! But today, aside from his distrust of other people, it would appear that we'd been born and raised in the same brood! And, as I say... I'm in absolute, indescribable AWE !
OH! But by the end of the day, we had had A MOST WONDERFUL DAY TOGETHER!
A couple of lie-downs together. And ALL sorts of actual "cuddles", "snuggles", and OH SO MANY KISSES! I often tell people that Yonah is so much as would be expected of a puppy, more-so than a bird. And today was one of those days where, if others could have seen him, they'd understand. He literally, honestly, wanted to be WITH me, (and, of course, I ALWAYS want to be as close to and with him as I possibly can be), and every moment he wasn't "other-wise occupied" with what-ever it is that comes to his mind that he needs to do at a moment, yes, he was ALL OVER me! Today, not so much when I left the room though, but that's because I really didn't leave his room all that often and when I did, it wasn't for any length of time. He had no reason to "look for me". I was right "there", beside his house, at the work table. And Yonah? Well... as I've already said, he was on my head, my shoulders, my arms... and even on my hands as I typed. We were almost inseparable!
And this evening, after we'd had our evening meals together, I finished what I'd been doing during the day and got right to the "water relay". By 18.00, the sun was already so low in the sky that the street lights out-side, were coming on! OH! But how "Nature" and "Creation" take away the VERY BEST of time from us. And so, Yonah, noticing that I'd turned his UV light off and left the desk lamp on (the "signal" that evening was upon us... and he notices that too), he headed over to his food dish for the "late evening" snack. AND WHAT AN APPETITE! He ate so much of what was in his dish that I put in more food and even as I added, he ate! Of course, as I put in the fresh food, he had to "sort through", as he does, to pick what he wanted out of the mixture, but HIS APPETITE... VORACIOUS! I added, he pecked and ate! It was such a DELIGHT to see! I'm always comforted by seeing him eating so very well. (And I keep thinking of the advice on so many web-sites that recommend that food be made available in limited quantities and at particular times of day, lest the Little One over-eat and become too heavy. Not MY Little Guy! He eats when he's hungry, and often, only as much as fills his crop. He doesn't eat "all through the day", though his food is available round the clock. And he's most certainly NOT "over-weight". He "watches his figure", to be sure.)
Anyway, it was pure JOY to see him eating so well.
That said, by 19.15 his blinds and curtains were closed, the back board was installed... even as he ate. And when I'd done and put his house back "in order", he took to his door perch for an evening "preen" until it was time to "dim the lights" (put up the roof board, turn off the desk lamp and turn on his little "moon light"). Radio and bird-songs were off too, so the house was still, quiet. Out-side, the Yardies had come and gone. (I noticed, again, today, no mourning doves came by. It saddens me when they don't come to their feeder to eat, since they get, for the most part, what Yonah has... especially when I empty his dish of "left-overs", so here, they get a great mix. But, at the same time, it helps lessen my feelings of disappointment in that I don't bring Yonah out in the evenings any more. It's getting too dark, too soon and it's gone too cold now. Not to mention, today's weather was rainy and cold so... my Little Guy isn't going to have to be confronted with that sort of weather. He never has had to, and I won't start something like that now!) And so, our day together came to a calm close.
By 19.20, as I sat quietly at the work table, "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo", it was time to "switch lighting", and get "tucked-in" for the night. I answered with a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" and was told, repeatedly... "woo-HOOoo!" and up from the door perch to the little food ledge he hopped, waiting fro me to dim the lights...
By 19.40 our day together had closed... My little Heart-and-Soul was tucked-in, safe and sound, with kisses "Good-night" (even though he was on his night perch and he didn't really seem too anxious to get to sleep). The moon light was on, and too, his "Sweeter Heater". A safe, calm, quiet, protected, warm and comfy night ahead. (And I made-up the futon... I'll be with him again, tonight, especially because tomorrow... no alarms to wake either of us. We get to sleep until we wake up again. And again, nothing on the agenda of any importance, to take me away from the house!)
Monday 10 October:
Dreary and cold October morning, and after another restful night on Yonah's futon, I woke, before the day broke, to get to my morning coffee and other morning chores before my Little Guy woke for the day. And as I sat at the kitchen table, in the early morning silence, I noticed the clock: 7.30... and there'd been no call. So I got up and opened the door to his room, just because I wanted to be sure that, when he woke, he'd know that I was there, in the house, and he wasn't alone. Ah... at 7.32... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". OO! The "longer" coo of a morning! So I called back, the same... and immediately came the response... same log coo. My little Heart-and-Soul was up, awake, and, from the strength and clarity of his voice, he was well-rested. My day was set, perfectly.
When I got into the darkness of his room, he was on his perch where he'd passed the night. I opened the door to his house, in the dark, placed his door perch and he stretched his wings...and little did I know just then, it was preparation for another "active" sort of morning ahead.
We chatted whilst I removed the roof board and then moved his house out so that I could get to the windows to open curtains and blinds. As I did, he hopped over to his loft in the corner and gave another hearty "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". WooHOO! We were rolling into Monday morning... as the chill from out-side came into the room through the glass of the windows. Out-side, it was dim, grey, the sun was out there some-where, but the cloud cover kept it well-filtred. The forecast said that today was figuring on a repeat of yesterday... not completely sunny but not a complete wash-out. Still, there was the "threat" of more rain. But that didn't really matter because, when I finished with the windows and came round to lean into Yonah's house for "Good morning" kisses, the warmth of his heater was so comforting. He'd slept well and warm last night and kisses were PLENTIFUL again, this morning, all across my brow and along my cheek. We were both as happy to be together as we could be!
It didn't take but a moment and the next thing I knew, as I gathered the containers for morning water relay, Yonah headed out and to the wall shelves... and another "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". Energetic again, this morning. I could tell he was feeling very well, indeed.
I got the water containers together and into the kitchen to fill and when I came back with the first couple, I reached in to pour and Yonah came back to his house and hopped onto my arm! I "encouraged" him to toddle up to my shoulder and HE CAME ALONG TO THE KITCHEN TO GET MORE WATER, AND THEN, ON MY SHOULDER, CAME BACK INTO HIS ROOM WITH ME! He hasn't done that in a very long while! It was SO DELIGHTFUL to have him "riding along". And it did my heart the WORLD of good to know that he was feeling well enough and energetic enough to "hang on". (Of course, I had the Sherpa on and for some reason, he REALLY ENJOYS roosting and riding on that sweat-shirt. He's come to enjoy the hood, where he can "rest and roost" comfortably, and the fabric must be of the sort where he can comfortably grasp with his little feet and feel secure. In any case... it's good to be back in the season where I can wear that sweat-shirt around the house... and have my Little Guy keep me company as I move about.)
At one point, as I came back into his room, with him on my shoulder, he pecked at my ear before taking off and heading back to his house. "Hello. I have to get going."
Once the water was changed and his room was settled, futon straightened and things got settled for the day, I finished-up in the kitchen and moved the lap-top and my coffee to his work table... IMMEDIATELY, he came over and hopped onto my hand, as I was getting ready to type! And then, up to my shoulder, toddled round to my back and headed off to his house for a bit of breakfast.
THERE ISN'T A MORE PERFECT START TO ANY DAY THAN WE HAD THIS MORNING! And better? It being a holiday, I didn't have to leave the house! So, we were looking forward to a full day together again! (He must have known... and was SO obviously happy too... as was I.)
"Poop-check" report: PERFECT! About 10 perfect little poops and again, this morning, NO GREEN LIQUID! The colour, dark brown-green and the perfect amount of white. GOOD TUMMY DAY! Now THAT was the ULTIMATE relief for me this morning!
This evening, we took a break from all the "chores" of the house-hold and together, we had our evening meals together. And Yonah? Well, he wanted to see what I was having, so, for a while, I had to watch how I ate because he was perched on my shoulder! WHAT A DAY! WHAT AN EVENING! WHAT A PRECIOUS, CHERISHED LITTLE GUY HE IS!
By the time dinners were done and the washing-up, the sun had gone from the sky already. WOW! This day went by SO TOO quickly! And we had to get right to the evening water relay, followed by closing the blinds and curtains. Tonight's forecast is for a low of 1°, and when they have that as the "general temperature", we here, can count on something a good 2 or 3 degrees cooler, at least. So... tonight, I'm SO relieved to know that my little Heart-and-Soul has his own heater in his house, right where he sleeps for the night. Safe from the night's cold, any winds, all predators. He has plenty of good food, fresh, clean water, and a place all his own.
And it was another one of those nights where, at 19.30, although the sun was gone, the night was here, he wasn't quite ready to tuck-in. So much so that, even when I went to give him a little "hug and kiss" he took flight over to his shelves.
The truth is... tonight, it struck me, quite hard, again: These two days together have come to a close... Two days... Two years... Time... it's going TOO QUICKLY! To think that, two years ago, I wasn't thinking of today... I wasn't thinking any farther in time than the very next moment, and I resented the present, the future was something I had absolutely no interest in and didn't think about. The truth is, two years ago, I resented watching time pass, because I didn't want to be in the next moment. And then... this little Life came along, and ALL I wanted was for him to heal, to get better, to be able to return to his flocks, to the life he'd been born into. The only moments of "future" I had in mind were those leading to his ultimate recovery and return. And then came that morning when, as I reached in to clean his little house, he hopped up onto my arm... and I was awe-struck! And when I saw that he wasn't ever going to be able to get back out to his wilderness, to be with his flock, my heart shattered... but I made that vow that, no matter what, no matter how, no matter how long, I would be here for him, to make sure that what-ever time he had in this world, he would never be hungry, never be cold, never have to worry about ANYTHING EVER attacking him again. I had NO idea what I needed to do for him, but I vowed I'd learn, and I'd do my absolute best to make sure that he'd want and need for nothing. That's when I decided I needed to get a health check-up... and I told the MD "ALL I'm demanding is nothing less than the next five years. So what-ever you find, we HAVE to make sure it's alright... for not less than five years." And for these past two years, that's all I've done... for me... so that I can continue doing for Yonah.
I had a good cry this evening... These two days went by so quickly. These two years have gone by so quickly... TOO DAMNED QUICKLY! I keep in mind, the "average life-time of a mourning dove in the wild is 18 months" so it's said. Some have been known to survive for 5 years, but that's rare... in the wild. Many doves, in general, have been known to live 20 years. And the oldest mourning dove on record was 30 years of age... discovered in, I believe, 1986... he was "banded", so somebody loved him... but he was shot. 30 years. I wonder... I know I probably don't have another 30 years. I doubt Yonah will have that long. But... tonight, thoughts of him not being here came to mind again... and it's so painful! Not that I'll be lingering much longer after he's "not here". But the thought of him... not here... it's exceedingly dark, and horrifically empty.
These two days went by quickly... These two years have gone by quickly...
Tonight though, at 19.55, as I type this, my little Heart-and-Soul is tucked-in, on his own perch, under his little heater, warm, dry, protected against the night's cold and all the predators that are "out there". He has his food, his water... his peas are growing nicely in his house... he has them to nibble on and to play about with. His trees, his pool... his white sand and grey grit... He doesn't have to search for shelter or nourishment... He doesn't have to protect "his" or him-self. I'll suppose I'm doing "OK" for and by him...
But these two days went by too quickly. These two years have gone by too quickly...
His futon is set again, tonight... We'll be "bunking together" again... tonight... more time together... even in sleep. At least we have that.
Tuesday 11 October:
WELL! When, at 7.32, I hadn't heard "the call", I stepped into Yonah's room and silently began to put his futon together after our night together, and, as I stepped out of the room, from behind me, in the darkness, I heard the softest little "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo"... as if he were saying "Do you really think I didn't see you?" So I called back: "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". No reply.
When I went in to check and see whether or not he was actually awake, sure enough, there he was, on his perch, stretching his wings. He was up, he was awake, he was ready for the day! So with-out further delay, I opened the door to his house and leaned in for "Good morning" kisses. Nope... not yet. He scuttled across the perch over to his little corner "loft", so I went about lifting the roof board, and then, removing the back board, to let in a bit more of the room light, dim as it was. But when i got to the windows and opened the curtains and blinds, as my Little Guy will do of a morning, he looked into the mirror at his loft and gave a hearty "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo". Day-light was in the room and NOW it was time to get on with the morning!
So I put his house back in position where, when the sun did rise, it would come into his house, and I got the containers together for morning water relay, and tried, again, for a couple of kisses.
THIS time... kisses were plentiful! AND... THIS MORNING... I HAD COMPANY ALL DURING THE MORNING "WATER RELAY"! My little Heart-and-Soul rode along on my SHOULDER! SO comfy there, watching, supervising every trip! AND, when it was done... He hopped off, and over to his door perch... FOR KISSES! There really couldn't be a better start to ANY day! Truly!
This morning though, the temperature was a rather brisk -2°. "Autumn" is about to settle on us, and as I opened the blinds, I could feel the chill radiating into the room! I'm all the more grateful that I had the good sense to get the "Sweeter Heater" for Yonah's house! It keeps him warm through the nights, and during the day, no matter where he goes in the rest of the house, no matter the temperature in the other rooms, he always has a place to return to where he can be comfortably warm... And, in his house, by the windows, he can get the day-light and see out, to the trees across the road. It isn't "perfect"... I mean, I SO wish I had a place where he could spend the days out-side, in the air, the breezes. Of course, not on days like today, but in general. I just hope that having the view out is OK and gives a sense of being in the "open" and not "confined". (Though, oddly enough, even with access to the rest of the house, Yonah does appear to prefer his own room, his own space. Maybe he feels more secure in "his" room? Maybe it's still that lingering memory of almost 2 years ago. Maybe he holds the memories of being brought in and this being the room where he was protected, given food, water and protection. I'll never know for certain, but yes, his room is where he does show that he's comfortable... I'm glad for that much.)
It was another "work day" for me and with a heavy heart, I had to leave my Little Guy to the house... on his own.
But... when I came back home after, I called from the front door as I came in and AS I GOT TO THE DOOR OF HIS ROOM, HE CAME FLYING OUT, AND DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND TODDLING OVER TO "MEET AND GREET" ME! IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HEART-WARMING EXPERIENCES OF A LIFE-TIME! IT'S AS IF WE BOTH MISS EACH-OTHER EQUALLY! I mean, HE chose to fly out and come over to the door! (I've often compared him to a little "puppy" because I NEVER would expect this sort of behaviour from a bird... ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A BIRD FROM THE WILD! And no matter how long we are together, the primary fact remains:
Yonah was NOT born into an environment of people, wasn't from a "captive" environment, has never had ANY reason or cause to trust ANY person. And I'm reminded of that very first time HE chose to hop onto my arm. HE CHOSE... So yes, when he expresses any sort of "delight" to see me, I'm humbled, honoured, delighted and in AWE! We've been through a lot in these two years... and I can say, with absolute certainty...
No matter what I've read/learned where mourning doves are concerned, THIS Little Guy has PROVEN that YES... they're COGNIZANT AND SENTIENT! BRILLIANT! ASTOUNDING! STUNNING! AWE-FULL AND AWE-INSPIRING! As well as humbling, showing us people just how truly inferior we are, compared to them.
So... the day turned BRILLIANTLY sunny and comfortably cool. And we had a light lunch together and after, Yonah took a dip in the POOL! followed by a beautiful bask in the sun-shine. Now THAT'S something that ALWAYS brightens and lightens my spirits... to see him enjoying his pool, splashing about in the water, refreshingly, and then, being able to rest, calmly, on his little beach, soaking in the warmth and light of the sun-shine as it POURS in through his windows. Temperatures out-side might be chilling, but, when my Little Guy decides he'd like a "splash about" in the water... there it it and it's all HIS! And after, he can rest, and dry, with-out a care in the world. There's nothing "lurking" about, nothing soaring above, nothing that could cause him any harm... no predators. He's as safe as can be... and THAT is what he SO deserves... and I'm blessed that I can provide this for him.
Since he's been "moving" the few twigs he has from his house to the orange tree (and some get returned when he replaces them...) he still has a "nesting instinct" and I'm SO happy that he does because, in my heart, he is not now and never will be a "pet"... never "domesticated"... I just see it as he's come to "tolerate" this life he has here... in a house, out of the woods and so, when he does something as "natural" as nest-building... I'm relieved.
AND HE TOOK A DIP IN THE POOL TODAY TOO! FOLLOWED BY A LOVELY BASK IN THE SUN-SHINE AS IT POURED IN THROUGH HIS WINDOW! IT TRULY IS SO WONDERFUL TO SEE HIM ENJOYING HIS POOL! Every time he does, my heart grows lighter and brighter, knowing that, some-how, my own "instincts" brought me to where I managed to figure a way to give him just another little pleasure that he would have enjoyed, had our paths not crossed. Sure, naturally, he would be splashing in a puddle some-where (maybe on a road-side or in a field) or on the bank of the river, but here, he's safe from predators and can take hi time and relax, soaking in the clean water and luxuriating in the warm sun-shine.
This after-noon, we had a little lunch together, as we do these days, and since the weather was good, I decided to head up into the mountains to get him more twigs to arrange and "play" with. Managed to get a LOT more than I'd anticipated, cutting them from the cleanest limbs on the young maples and clipping them to a size that he can handle with ease. I got lost in the "chore", took a bit more time than I'd originally planned, but all the while, just knowing that this simple thing would give my little Heart-and-Soul some pleasure just kept me reaching for and clipping all the more. When I got back, I put a few of the new clippings into his house and he IMMEDIATELY started bringing them up to his loft! (I put the rest of them into a 275°F oven for a little while... just to make sure there's nothing harmful on or in any of them... no ticks or any sort of "fungi". Helps to dry them out a bit too so there's no sap leaking that might get into his feathers or on his beak.)
When I leaned into his house to "chat" with him about the new "stuff", SO MANY KISSES !!! There's absolutely NO manner of ANY sort of "reporting" or documenting of, let's call it "scientific" matter that will EVER convince me that he doesn't actually "KNOW" how much I LOVE him and that I'm always doing the very best I can to make his "life" here, the best-possible for him. In SO many ways, he shows how aware he is of everything and how much he appreciates even the silliest things I do for him. (It doesn't make me feel "fully competent", no matter what. I'll always feel "inferior", "inept"... but he teaches me, constantly, to appreciate even the slightest things in this world... he teaches me more than I've ever been able to learn about "Creation" and appreciation over the course of my life-time.)
This evening, I sat as we do, with him, so that we could have our "evening meals" together and THIS TIME, he spent so much time with me... on the back of the chair! He shows me that he wants to be close, that he enjoys it when we're together. And I'm in pure "AWE". NEVER would I have imagined that we'd be as close as we are these days. And I always remember that my original hope was to get him back to where he could go back out to be with his flock, with the other doves, flying where-ever they go, where-ever they want. Obviously, he had other ideas for his time... and I couldn't be more grateful to him... for him.
By 19.00 again, tonight, we'd done with the evening water relay, and the blinds and curtains got closed before the night's chill started coming through the window-panes. And my Little Guy had his before-seepie-nigh-night snack and preened as I jotted the day's Journal entry in the silence. (Radio and bird-songs were off already. Hey, the Yardies were off to roost... it was "sh-sh-sh-sh" time.) By 19.20, the "night boards" were "installed", the little "moon light" on, the room was dimly lit, and by 19.30, everything was settled. Yonah, my Little Guy, my Heart-and-Soul was safely tucked-in for another night where he could rest, with-out a care, safe, sound, warm, protected... and SO, SO LOVED!
Wednesday 12 October:
ONE MORE DAY UNTIL... *** TWO YEARS ***
My heart, this morning, was SO HEAVY with anxiety and JOY... The JOY was waking this morning, on Yonah's futon, glancing into his house and seeing the little poops, all under where he'd spent an easy night, calm, and seeing him so comfortable, under his heater, warm, safe. Knowing that he was protected, and SO VERY LOVED!
The "anxiety"? Well, the "two years"... and the thoughts of the "average" "long term" of his life-time. "Two years" out of a possible "five years"... As our time together passes, my little Heart-and-Soul ages. And he's been through SO MUCH in just his first two years of Life. Managing to survive being born, in the wild, pecking through that shell, waiting in the cold to be fed... taking his first flight away from "home" and the comfort of parents and nest... Then, two years ago on the 13th October, being attacked, his feathers being pulled from his little body, his wing being gnawed... on a cold, rainy October morning when, possibly, all he was doing was trying to get food, for energy, to fend against the chills of the morning... and the night before.
Add to that, having to hide under the stairs, afraid, terrified, in pain, no doubt, and then, a HUMAN reaches down and picks him up. A "HUMAN"... the worst-possible predator he could face! And then, being brought into a house, placed in a box in a room in the house...
Follow that with being in a "cage" for several days and nights, in that house, with that HUMAN! Granted, he had food, fresh water, a clean environment, warmth and protection. But NONE of it was "normal". NONE of it was "natural". No matter how "good" it might have been... it was "wrong"... according to the rightful, natural way his life and world should have been.
Then came the travel... in the back seat of the truck, rolling along for HOURS, over the roads, the rocking of his little "cage", the sound of the engine, my talking to him. And it was a hot day, so there was the heat... but no open air...
We made it though. And still, some-how, he LOVED me as much as I LOVED him. He came to know, to understand, to trust me... and then... back into a car, and hours MORE of travel, almost a year later... and the HORROR of being yanked out of his cage, in a sterile, unfamiliar "examination room"! His beak being brutally clipped and, to this day, I'll never know what torture that self-proclaimed "veterinarian" meted out on him when she took him "to surgery" for "a better look"... and THEN, returning him in a feather-filled, blood-stained towel, had the absolute audacity to tell me he had a "fractured beak" !!!
And still... to this day, he comes to me, kisses me in the morning, rests on my shoulder...
Two years... we've gotten two years together... and that subtracts from the five-year potential. He's aging... and part of me is dying at the thought.
I woke this morning, before day-light, as I do, on his futon, and crept out of his room, in silence, not wanting to disturb him in ANY way... and I went about my own morning routine about the kitchen. And as I sat at table, checking the usual items of the house-hold, and planning on the rest of our day together, after my work and a necessary trip to market...
7.34... a soft "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo" came through the door to his room. MY HEART-AND-SOUL was awake... and alive... and calling ! I almost cried... with JOY!
When I went in to open the door to his house, he was on his perch, under his heater... and as I opened his door and placed his "door perch", he bobbed his head and stretched his wings. I whispered "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" but he didn't answer. OK. He'd only just awakened... not in the mood for "chit-chat" this morning. So I went about the rest of "opening house"... softly talking to him, and working slowly so as not to be "too disturbing".
I leaned my head in for "Good morning" kisses and he gave me a few light pecks and then scuttled over toward his loft. Hmmm... BUT, I got the little pecks! He didn't move away immediately so he just wasn't in the mood for all the "Kissie-kissie" this morning. Fair enough.
It wasn't until I'd opened the blinds and the dim, grey morning light came into the room when he coo'ed, some-what softly but a bit stronger "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". He was up and about, at his loft. He looked very well this morning. And poop check: another 10 little poops, good colour, DRY, no green stains! A reassuring sign, especially first thing in the morning. And so, we went on to morning water relay, changing the water in his pool and drinking dish, and tidying his house.
When I went back to the kitchen to "settle" there, he flew up and out and onto his roof-top where he called "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". And I answered, and went back into his room to check on him. He looked very well, indeed, this morning. And I was ECSTATIC ! We'd both managed to make it through another night and were off into another day... the day before our *** SECOND ANNIVERSARY *** together!
How I did NOT want to leave him this morning to go to work. And I HAD to keep reminding my-self... only two hours (I've come to not "like" that number, and yet, appreciate it). And only right on the other side of the living-room wall (the office is attached to the house at the living-room so... I'm not "away", really... I'm just in another room, as it were). Still, that gave little comfort. I would have preferred to be WITH him ALL through the day. If not in the same room, at least in the house, closer-by. But, I dragged my departure out to the very last-possible moment before giving him cuddles and kisses and went off to the "world".
WELL... the time went by, work got done and I was back in the house in due course. And, as I always do, I called, as I opened the door to the house, and listened for a little "woo-HOO!" No reply. But that's not really all that unusual. Sometimes, Yonah's "other-wise engaged" when I come in, moving things about in his house or simply "exploring". (I've come in and found him on the work table, "sorting through" what-ever happens to catch his attention... bits of paper, string, a paper clip... It's amazing to see just how much he actually takes notice of in the room... and the house too, for that matter.) He was there, in his house, enjoying the sun-shine pouring in through his windows. And, when he saw me at the door to his room, he came down from his "loft" to greet me.
I was relieved and went right over to give him kisses and cuddles, to let him know that I was back again and to tell him how much I'd missed him. When he was "assured", he took off, back up to his perch.
But I had to get to market today too, and the plan was to get it done right away so that I could be back soon and we could have the rest of the day together, undisturbed. Marketing took about 45 minutes and yes... WE were settled-in by early after-noon...
When I got back from marketing and came in to the house and called-out to announce my return, made my way to Yonah's door, again, he came down to his door perch for "kisses and cuddles" and then... we got to the business of being at home, together, for the day. I had to put the groceries up and he came out to the kitchen to "check" on me... toddling, as he does, across the floor, stopping to let me know he was here, on his way to the living-room. Sometimes I have to wonder: does he stop at the kitchen to make his presence known, does he go to the living-room to make it appear that that's where he intended to go but stopping at the kitchen is just something he does because he happens to be there? Watching him, as I've done over these years, I've come to know that he doesn't just "do random things"... There's thought behind his actions. There's a COGNIZANCE that I believe most people just don't bother to recognise. Yonah acts with purpose... no matter what it is that he does. And so too, I believe, do ALL the Little Ones that humans have (for their own purpose and self-aggrandizement) belittled over the course of "Time" and existence. It really is as I've been noting these two years:
Yonah has been the world's GREATEST "Little Professor", the BEST teacher to me, and I can't understand how it is that others have either failed to see and learn or have chosen to ignore the vastness of the intelligence of these little "LIVES". (But then again, that's a lot of the purpose behind this Journal... and all the pages of the web-site: to convey the message... People NEED to heed what these Little Ones are trying to teach; they're closer to the way Creation ought to be... WE, "humans", are the "invading species" and it's about time that fact is addressed! RESPECT these Little Ones. THEY are the "superior" ones.)
That said, I put the groceries up and moved along to other work in the kitchen that needed to be done before we got to actually settle back into "life as we live it" and all the while I occupied my-self at the kitchen counter and sink, Yonah busied him-self and came by to "visit with" and "check-up on" me... toddling, as he does, across the kitchen floor. (As I said to Deborah, in an e-mail, later: he's more like what one might expect of a puppy! And THAT NEVER ceases to amaze me!)
When, at last, all the work in the house was done and all was re-settled, time for a 20-minute lie-down and as soon as I got to his futon, Yonah came FLYING over, onto my leg, toddled up to my torso and took a quick flight to the pillow beside my head. A few pecks and kisses and as I closed my eyes, he "roosted" for a moment, on the futon beside me... and was off, back to his house, his little "loft" where he waited for me to finish my snooze.
This evening though, as we had our evening meals together, after he'd done with his own, he came over and roosted for the longest while on the back of the chair as I ate, at the work table. he seemed a bit "fluffed" though and when-ever I see him "fluffing" his feathers, I start to worry: is he just getting comfortable, relaxed? Or is he chilled? The room wasn't cold. It wasn't even really "cool". But then, having learned that a bird's "normal" temperature is 40°C, I can't help but worry that he's not warm enough. AND then comes my own panic, thinking that he's not feeling well. Above ALL else in the entirety of Creation, the one thing that causes me actual physical pain is the worry that Yonah is in ANY sort of discomfort at all, be it physical or emotional. He didn't appear to be in any sort of discomfort and he did appear to be quite comfy. And I was HONOURED beyond description, that he was where he wanted to be: that close to me. So I had my own meal, and when he'd spent enough time by me, he headed back to his house... for a nibble and a little relaxing... I went and did the washing-up and joined him again until...
19.11 KISSES ! As I got to the evening routine of water changes and settling things for the night, I leaned in as Yonah perched. And he leaned forward and gave me SO MANY MORE KISSES! The most-gentle pecks on the nose and cheeks!
All I could do was to tell him:
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I DO I DO I DO...SO MUCH! And I don't want you to be hurt, or EVER even be uncomfortable in ANY way, for ANY reason. And I don't want you to EVER be sick, not well. I SO want to be able to know how you feel, what you think... of your home here, of me... of all of this. I'm trying to. I trying to be as close to perfect as a simple human can be. All I can do is try... and hope... just hope. And you'll teach me. I'll learn. I will. I promise. Please... just be comfortable, healthy... and know that NOTHING in this world will EVER harm you... as long as both of us takes the next breath. I'll see to that. I PROMISE you that much."
19.30 Everything settled, "chores" of "evening routine" completed, I leaned in to tell him:
"Two years ago they tried to come to take you. Not this year. I'm not going to let them. It's you and me and I'm right here to make sure nothing hurts you. OK?"
More kisses... My heart wants to believe that he knows how I ache at the thought of time with-out him, wants so much to believe that they're kisses to tell me "Stop worrying you human idiot. I'm here with you as much as you're here with me." But, as I've said already, I don't want him to be in any pain, discomfort, NO suffering, no matter how much or little, how long or short.
But, the desk lamp was turned off... the moon light turned on. His futon prepared... another night of me there. Tonight, more-so than ever... Tonight, it's OUR time together, even in sleep... it's my night to guard... as is every night, really, but tonight, well... TWO YEARS TOGETHER! WE'VE MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER YEAR! I HAVE to be with him through the night tonight... and tomorrow, he'll be the first I'll hear and see at the beginning of a new day, and for us, a new year.
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☼♥☼WEDNESDAY 13 OCTOBER☼♥☼
☼♥☼OUR TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY☼♥☼
☼♥☼
THURSDAY 13 OCTOBER: TWO YEARS AGO... WE'VE MADE IT !!!
Got a night's "sleep" last night, on Yonah's futon, and when I woke, at 5.28, decided to get up and get on with the day ahead. As always, I wanted to be up and about and ready to roll with this morning's "call to action" so, silently, I sat up, looked for the little silhouette on the perch. There he was, roosted and nestled under his heater. The rest of the house was "cool", not "cold", but under his own heater, my little Heart-and-Soul was quite comfy-warm. And from what I could see on the little piece of kitchen roll on the floor of his house, he'd had a calm night... all the little dark spots were directly under him... and, as much as I could see... no "dark stains"! No "runny business"! A wonderful sight!
So I took my leave, quietly closing the door to his room behind me, so as not to disturb his rest... off to make my morning coffee and get an earlier start on the day.
This morning was exceptionally "dark"... with heavy clouds. Major rain due, so the house was rather dark too. Thankfully, out-side wasn't cold, and in-side was comfortable. No matter though, really. Yonah has his own heater to keep him warm, and his own house... a whole house, to protect him from the rains. I sat at the kitchen table having coffee and attending to the little "tasks" of a morning. I was relieve, really, just knowing that my Little Guy was "good" for the morning. He looked so cozy... but my heart was still quite heavy with "concern". He wasn't awake yet, and hadn't made a movement nor a sound yet... A part of me so wanted to go into the room and see if I couldn't get a little "woo" or a "HOO!"... but, I don't "know" whether or not "time" means anything to him, whether or not he has any recollection of that morning, two years ago. Chances are, only I put all this importance on this date. In any case, I wouldn't deny him all the rest he wants and needs. I sat, waiting... waiting... waiting... and watching the clock... the clock... the clock...
At about 7.28, I decided I'd just open the door to his room, silently, so as not to disturb my little Heart-and-Soul. If he was awake, he'd let me know. If he wasn't, I'd have to wait for his call... whether or not I really wanted to. So I did, ever-so silently, open the door and as I stepped back into the kitchen, from behind me, in the silence of the rest of the world... soft and gentle...
"woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo...hoo-hoo"
7.29... YONAH WAS AWAKE !!! ALL WAS WELL WITH THE WORLD !!! A GOOD NIGHT'S RESTFUL SLEEP !!! AND WE STARTED THE LAST DAY OF OUR TWO YEARS TOGETHER... AS WE ROLLED INTO THE BEGINNING OF OUR THIRD YEAR !!! GOING FOR THREE YEARS !!! NOT ONLY HAVE WE PASSED THE "18 MONTHS"... AND THEN, ANOTHER 6 MONTHS, WE'RE ON OUR WAY INTO THREE YEARS !!! And yes, although I ABSOLUTELY REJOICE... I remember: two years into a possible five... and into three years out of a possible five. Two years behind us... three-of-five ahead. BUT NO MATTER WHAT, I HAVE A VOW, MORE SOLEMN THAN LIFE-AND-DEATH, TO MAKE SURE THAT MY LITTLE GUY, MY HEART-AND-SOUL STAYS HEALTHY, AND AS HAPPY AS I, AN INFERIOR HUMAN, CAN PROVIDE !!! For this morning... WE MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT... ANOTHER DAY.... WE HAVE ANOTHER DAY !!!
One of the most notable aspects of this day though: This morning was so dark, dreary and a steady rain was falling. ALL day... again... EXACTLY as it was in 2020... and then again, in 2021 ! And EVERY detail of that morning, two years ago, just filled my mind, feeling as though it was wrapping my heart in the pain that I felt when first I saw the little bit of feathered Life, there, in the wet grass, beside the back walk. And all of the uncertainty that I'd felt, not knowing whether or not I should "intervene". Wondering if I should pick him (at the time, Yonah was so young that I thought he was a "she") up and move him some-where else or would he recover from what-ever happened to him and take flight, away. I didn't want to leave him there, in that steady rain, but, I decided it would be best to let "Nature" take course... and I went off to market that morning. And when I returned, and didn't see him there, in the grass, I was both relieved and yet, terrified. Terrified to think that he really was incapacitated and some predator had come by and snatched him up... a meal for the morning. When I happened to notice him, "cowered" under the step to the porch, in the dark, as the rains fell, I was both relieved and horrified. The relief was that he'd survived what-ever injuries he'd sustained and was able to seek shelter. But horrified when I reached down to pick him up, to see the extent of his injuries.... and he made no attempt to escape me. And then, as I frantically looked for help, guidance, some way to give him the aid he so obviously needed... to get NONE and not even a "concerned voice". Well... the rest is obvious today, this morning... I was then told "It's not 'endangered' and it's not a raptor, so nobody will want to be bothered. Just put it in a box with some paper and make it as comfortable as possible for... what-ever..." NO! IT is ALIVE, and a feeling little BEING... and though I have NO idea, "professionally" what to do, yes, I WILL make him/her as comfortable as possible and I WILL figure a way to address the injuries! (And I was determined that s/he would recover and return to the life s/he had been born into.)
The memories were strong, heavy, as I say, wrapping round my heart this morning... two years later. And that the weather was the very same made it all the heavier.
And so, when I opened the door to my Little Guy's house, SO VERY different from that horrible little wire-mesh box that I'd put together to keep him safe in, I cried as I leaned in to say "Good morning" and to give him our now-usual kisses. He wasn't very "chatty" BUT he KISSED ME, pecking so lightly, gently, across my forehead and down my cheek. It was as though he could sense, as though he KNEW the heaviness in my heart this morning. And it seemed he was telling me:
"It's OK now. It's all over. That was a long time ago, and I'm here this morning, and we're here this morning, and look at this: WE weren't expected to have more than, maybe a night... Well? We've had 730 nights! And we have another day... and more nights to come. So stop crying over what happened, and let's be happy with what's happening now."
My relief today: I took the day off work. There was NO WAY I was going to leave my little Heart-and-Soul today... on our anniversary! So we were looking forward to an entire day together! And THIS was only the beginning of it! We did the morning water relay, straightened the house, tidied his house and I wiped my own "agenda" clear for the rest of the day. The ONLY thing that was going to fill this day was time together... some-how, in any and every way we could possibly arrange.
As it went, we really didn't "do" much of anything all day. We had two snoozes together, about 20 minutes each. We played. Of course, we "cuddled" and "snuggled" and I just HAD to get in some more kisses. (Probably to the point where poor Yonah was thinking: "This one's gone completely insane!")
I "established" my-self in his room and what-ever I could get to at his work table, that's what I did. And we had a little "mid-day snack" together in the early after-noon. I took my cue from him: when he ate, I nibbled something. And we listened to the radio, the bird-songs... and I remembered two years ago and marvelled at how much has changed over the course of time. I remembered that wire mesh box... and then, the new "Flight cage" and how I thought that SO LARGE! I remembered the first time Yonah hopped onto my arm... and how we used to sit in the evenings, and I'd talk with him (when it became obvious that he wasn't going to leave). I remembered when I first opened the door to that "house" of his and how he took flight... and in what seemed a "panic", tried flying at full-speed, round the room... and how many times he flew into the window! I remembered the pain in the core of my being when I saw the droplettes of blood... on the curtains, the window-frame! And looking at this little feathered bundle of LIFE today... it ALL put me back into a deep... AWE. SO VERY MUCH transpired over these two years...
And of course, I kept remembering the "stats". Average life expectancy of 18 months in the wild, in a best-case scenario, 5 years... and how mourning doves are the most-hunted... even for the sake of sick sport.
And indeed, of course, I kept questioning the quality of what-ever I've done for my Little Guy over the course of these two years... and wondered what I could have done better... what I can do better in future.
And all the while, Yonah came to rest on my shoulder as I sat at the work table, or on the back of the chair where I sat. And we played a bit, and Loved a bit... and we had our musics... we had our chats... we had our quiet times... but, the ONLY thing that mattered today... we had each-other, one-another... our COMPANIONSHIP !!!
The day slipped by too fast... ENTIRELY TOO FAST... TOO QUICKLY !!! Before we even had time to realise, as Yonah enjoyed his "UV" light (instead of the sun-shine which never managed to break the clouds), his own little "Sweeter Heater" and the warmth it provides, his bird-songs and the radio... and we BOTH revelled in our company... it was time for... evening meals! SO... as we have done and do, I brought my dinner into the room, re-settled at the work table... we had a bit of the day's "news" to watch as we both had our different meals. By the time we'd done, 18.00... sadly, what "no sun" we'd had all day, disappeared... and out-side the windows, the world was almost black from night's darkness. It was already time for "evening water relay"! "October"... the days grow noticeably shorter and my heart aches because time together with my Heart-and-Soul is cut shorter. I try to keep with his "natural clock" and so, as the Little Ones of the world head off to roost for the night, our time to "close the day" comes round.
One thing though: tonight, as I was getting things together for "evening water relay", I GOT SO MANY MORE KISSES! HONESTLY! ON THIS, OF ALL DAYS, IT MEANS MORE TO ME THAN I CAN EXPRESS, KNOWING THAT THIS LITTLE GUY WHO HAS BECOME MY SOLE REASON FOR EVEN TAKING A "NEXT BREATH' MAKES IT OBVIOUS TO ME, IN HIS OWN WAY, THAT I'M DOING "OK" FOR AND BY HIM. I know I'm not the "perfect companion" nor will I ever be the "perfect mate", and most of my life now is trying to learn all that I can about my Little Life here, how best to provide for him, for all (or, at least MOST of) his needs, but when he comes to me with his gentle pecks on the nose, there's a part of me that can't help but be assured: I'm doing "OK". I'll NEVER feel I'm doing "enough"... as I say, frequently, for Yonah, there's never "enough" and never "too much". It's not a matter of him being "entitled" to anything in any way... it's my debt to him. I took him in with the intention of allowing him to heal and return to the wilderness into which he was born... it was HIS choice to come to me that evening, to hop onto my arm, to accept me into his life. My debt is to make certain that that choice was in HIS best interest... no matter what or how.
This evening, two years later, he's still assuring me: I'm doing "OK".
All said for this, our "Anniversary Day", we really didn't "do" much at all through the day, but we had out time together, as much as we possibly could (which is never enough... for me).
But, at 19.33 it was "tuck-in time"... "seepie-nigh-night" time and again... AGAIN... MORE KISSES! WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY! And these days, I can't help but think, for me... WHAT A LIFE!
There's just NO possible way in which I can describe the importance of this Little Guy, this PRECIOUS, CHERISHED Little One. I can't exaggerate how integral he is to my taking my own next breath. I can't and don't even imagine time with-out him. Beyond two years ago, I was at peace with my-self, resolved to simply let time and age take course. I knew I wasn't well, didn't know exactly what was wrong and didn't care at all. As I've told: I'd come back to the home state to grow old and... well... die.
But then, along came this Little Life, and HE took me into HIS Life, and has literally been my heart-beat, my breath.
We've had two years together... and if he's to have 5 years, we have three more to look forward to before our "together" changes because, I'm making certain that I will be here for him... and when he no longer needs "me" and "here"... I'll be right behind him... off to where-ever it is we all might go from here... "out there" or even "not at all". But what-ever is ahead... as I say: I can't, won't and don't even imagine a time with-out my little Heart-and-Soul.
Tonight, again, I crept softly into Yonah's room, laid down on his futon, my head on "his" pillows... I pulled the sheets up over me and, in the darkness, whispered:
"Happy Anniversary my Love, my PRECIOUS Heart-and-Soul. Thank you... for coming into my life and for becoming my Life. You sleep well, restful, peaceful, safe. There's nothing here that will ever harm you, I'll see to that. Happy Anniversary... I'll see you in the morning."
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Friday 14 October:
ANOTHER DAY! WE HAVE ANOTHER DAY! I've NEVER taken ANY of our days together for granted and NEVER taken ANY of them lightly, but THIS morning, well, the "time" together now hangs over me and when, at 7.33 I heard the GLORIOUS but soft "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" I was MORE than ELATED! ANOTHER DAY! We made it INTO YEAR THREE!
When I woke this morning, from another night on Yonah's futon, in the early dark, I peeked into his house, as I do every morning and this morning, had a bit of a fright. He was closer to the little mirror at the end of his perch and I didn't see his silhouette! I looked, carefully, ALL over his house, especially on his floor, and couldn't find him! But, just as my heart was sinking lower, THERE... so still, so calm... The house may have gotten a little too cool over-night, with all the rain and drear of yesterday, and he seemed to be "snuggling" in the warmest spot he could find under his heater. (The best part of this new heater is that, although there's no "thermostat", it maintains a constant temperature, it can be lowered or moved to a different location so that it's closer to where my Little Guy will be most comfortable. So I watch, carefully, to see if he moves about during the night... to get warmer or cooler. I will NOT have him need to "fluff" against the cold!)
I was SO relieved when I finally saw where he was, and so, I went out to the kitchen to get my morning running until "the call" came.
This morning, he wasn't in a mood to "chat" for some reason. But he DID get up and the wing stretching was its usual GORGEOUS! And poop-check? They all looked quite nice (so to speak). No "green stains" on the kitchen roll, and all of them were good in colour and consistency. Morning "Health Check" passed, and I was much calmer by then. Morning call, wing stretch, good poops and my Little Guy looked to be in GREAT "condition". Time to get to our regular routine and although it didn't do much in the way of "brightening" his room, the curtains and blinds were open... AND... as I went about this morning's water relay, he hopped down to his door perch... so I could stop and give him some kisses as I ran back and forth. (When he's OK with those, I'm OK with the world.)
It was SO difficult leaving for work this morning and Yonah seemed to be "not pleased" as I went about getting ready. I can SEE that he KNOWS when I'm preparing to leave the house. He's much more "sedate", and, as I say, not really "chatty". I just keep hoping that my little absences (for only 2 hours in the early morning) will become part of our "normal" and he'll come to know that, no matter what, I'll be back... in short order. I used to go shopping once weekly, and would be gone for 4 hours or so. (Of course, all the while I was gone, I'd be anxious, rushing through so to get back to my Little Guy.) Now, it's only 2 hours, first thing in the morning AND, when I'm able, I DO come back to say "Hello" and to give my little Heart-and-Soul the re-assuring kisses to let him know I'm not far away and won't be gone for very long. I NEVER want him to feel "left alone", or "abandoned". He's made it MORE than abundantly clear: He's more comfortable when he knows I'm some-where close by... which is why, no matter what room in the house I have to be, I make sure to "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" from time-to-time (and even when I'm right in HIS room, at the work table, I try for a bit of a conversation... to let him know that I'm aware of him.)
Well, when I got back today, I had to jump right into some food preparations for me and I came in, went directly into Yonah's room for kisses and to let him know that I was back! He was on his loft when I got to him and really seemed to have been "snoozing" and I may have awakened him because he acknowledged that he noticed that I was back but didn't get up to "greet" me. But he was OK, he was well... and that's all I really needed to see and know... I went off to change clothes, returned to him for a couple of kisses... that were a bit difficult because, well, he wasn't leaving his loft. But that's fine. He doesn't have to get up just because I'm in the room. And if he were out-side, surely, he'd be "roosting and resting" some-where, during the day. I mean, none of us are "jumping about" all of the time during the day.
BUT... when I got to the kitchen and was busy at the counter, I heard, behind me, from his room, the "whistle" of wings! Next thing, there was my little Heart-and-Soul... in the kitchen, on the carpet, toddling by. His usual stop to look up at me and wait for me to acknowledge him with a "Well! Hello to YOU! Off to catch the bus?" And as soon as I'd done my little "speech", he was off and toddling into the living-room for a quick "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" to the decoys in the tree there. Moments later... that "whistle" came through the kitchen... he was back to his room. "Inventory" of the house-hold... completed. We were all present and accounted-for.
So I made quick work of my kitchen duties and moved lap-top and coffee into Yonah's room, to the work table (where I belong, so it would seem) and settled to get to the rest of the day's tasks there. When I got in, the sun had FINALLY broken through the clouds and was POURING in through his windows! And Yonah was taking FULL advantage of the situation... basking in the corner on his little "beach", as calm and comfy as could be. This is the beginning of the "good sun" season, where the Southern sun shines BRILLIANTLY in through the windows, filling his room with light and warmth! And he looks SO BEAUTIFUL there, splaying feathers in the natural sun-light. Sure, I'd put his UV light on earlier, because the sky was rather heavily-laden with clouds. But SUN! Natural light and warmth! Can't beat THAT!
To my DELIGHT though... I'd made a little mid-day snack and was sitting down to have that when, looking up to his house, I saw my Little Guy... SOAKING IN HIS POOL !!! Just laying there, as calmly as he could be, enjoying a little "bath". Not much shaking or splashing... I'm never sure why, but he some-times enjoys just "lounging" in the water. And, as it always has done, it gives me such JOY to see that he enjoys having that little pool! (Two years... and I still don't know WHAT told me to put that into his house, but WOW... WHAT A CALL!) And when he'd had enough (and I'd taken my photos... of course), he headed back to the sun-shine in the corner, on his "beach" (which is now WHITE sand... the "heavier grit" from the "PlaySand" which, thankfully, he enjoys as much as the river sand we used to have). Our after-noon was settling into just the two of us and what-ever was to come along.
One thing I HAVE to add though... I took breaks to poke my head into his house, and did I ever get KISSES! If nothing, it's SO obvious that my LOVE for him is mutual. We BOTH enjoy and appreciate the COMPANIONSHIP of one-another... and my Little Guy makes it clear... with his "greetings" and "kisses". And my heart is SO FULL! Just SO, SO FULL!
As the day rolled by (which it did, as usual, SO TOO FAST), I worked at the table, Yonah was, for the most part, resting and relaxing, mostly on his loft. The sun came and went... and we were together... and really, that's all that matters to me at all, at ANY time. There were a lot of little "items" that I needed to get completed, house-hold tasks that, fortunately, were more "book-keeping" than much else, so, most of the rest of the day I was at the work table (when not taking a quick lie-down for a brief shut-eye, which Yonah enjoys too because he can come over and toddle all over me when I lay down on his futon... and he certainly takes EVER advantage of that opportunity... and I enjoy it SO much... feeling him hop-and-toddle up and down my leg... and from toe to shoulder. He just seems to have so much FUN... and, to be honest, so too, do I.)
And as the day rolled... 16.00 came on SO TOO EARLY... and it was time to put my dinner on the hob... and I HAVE to say, Yonah has become SO accustomed to that hour that, if not giving me a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo" to remind me, as he did this evening, he comes over, lands on my shoulder and pecks at my ear... "HEY! YOU! Time to start dinner here!" Well then, so it was and so I did, and when food was done, I sat, with my Bestest Companion, and as I had my meal, he had his and we "caught up" on the day's events, watching the evening news... together.
After meals... I got the washing-up done and set to the day's evening water relay. When that was all done and the rest of the house was settled for the night, I sat at the work table, catching-up with Journals for today. As I typed, Yonah "amused" himself hopping about in his house and flying to and from the wall shelves, as he enjoys doing... after MANY cuddles and snuggles from me, in his house, when I'd done with "his chores"... until...
1930... it was "wrap-up" time... he wasn't quite ready though... hopping about on the floor of his house and making it rather obvious that he was ready to stay up for a while longer. (If we both could, I'd stay awake for as long as he's with me, never closing our eyes on a moment's time. I don't know how much more time we have together and sleep, to me, seems a theft of hours in a day when we could be aware of each-other. "Time"... how I used to dread it, the minutes, even the seconds ahead, and now, for these two years, how I dread the passing of each one. When I refer to Yonah as my "Heart-and-Soul", I can't think of anything I've ever thought or said so literally... He is, he assuredly is.)
I made-up his futon for me for the night (I'm back in the habit of sleeping in his room... still to make sure his new heater is safe AND to make sure his room doesn't take a chill) and when done, I brought my "things" (the lap-top and a day's accumulations) to the kitchen. As I did, Yonah had his "before seepie-nigh-night" snack. (Even that has become part of our daily routine: he sees me "packing-up" and he has his snack. That too, gives me comfort, knowing that he goes to rest every night, with plenty to eat, his little crop is full, and he never has to worry about being nourished, never has to worry about where the next bit of food will be. Sure, "foraging" is part of his natural life, but, providing proper, good, quality food for him and making it always-available is just a small part of my indebtedness to him and I do so with every bit of my own heart.)
Well, by 19.52, we'd exchanged our "Good night kisses", his little "moon light" was on, blinds and curtains were shut against the coming night and its chill. My Little Guy was tucked-in, as always, safe and protected... and warm. Another day passed... and as always... too quickly.
I sbrought my things to the kichen... he had his snack...
Saturday 15 October:
(Milk Thistle day)
It was quite a "strange" beginning to the day, this morning. I woke, on Yonah's futon, before day-break, and, as I do, checked to see that he was "roosting". The little silhouette was there, on the perch, under the heater, and the poops were directly below. All appeared to be quite calm, and "normal" for an early morning, so I silently left his room, closing the door behind me, as I always do, so as not to disturb him... I went about my own morning routine. It was about 5.00.
When, at 7.30 though, I hadn't heart from my Little Guy, I silently crept back into his room to put his futon back in order, since I'd just gotten up and, not wanting to make un-necessary movements in the room, had left the blankets and pillows as they were. As I straightened things out, I happened to look again, to check on Yonah... and I noticed his head move forward, as he does when he wakes, HE WAS AWAKE! MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL WAS AWAKE !!! Now THAT was THE ONE thing I needed to see to make my own morning all worth the being awake and alive for. So... I finished what I was doing and went over to open the door to his house. And as I did, I whispered, softly, "You're awake? Did you sleep well last night? Are you ready for this Saturday yet? No rush. You can snooze as long as you like. You know that."
He stretched his wings and began to preen, as if making him-self "presentable" for the morning... but... un-like most other mornings... no coo'ing. He was completely silent this morning. I wondered why. But then, we're all entitled to not wanting to engage in "chat" first thing of a morning. I went about the rest of our morning routine... slowly, quietly, whispering to him as I went along: "It's chilly out there this morning. But you were warm and comfy last night? Yes?"
Removing the roof board to let some more light into his house, I put my head in, as usual, for "Good morning" kisses... I got quite the "face-full" of those, and that let me know that even though he had nothing to say, he was well enough for kisses... My assurance that, if nothing else, my presence was welcome this morning. So we had quite the while of exchanging kisses until he scuttled over to his loft, and I went about removing the back board and, again, slowly, opening curtains and blinds, all the while waiting for a "woo-HOO!" or something.
None... He really WAS quite silent this morning.
When I started the morning water relay, from the kitchen, I heard the most-familiar "whistle" of his wings. My Little One was up, awake, about his room. And when I came back into the room with the first of the water containers, he was up on his shelves already. A good sign. He was healthy enough to take a quick flight. And as I poured the first of the fresh water into his pool, he came FLYING back, landed beside the pool and took a drink. (I have to wonder if the heater doesn't make him wake with a bit of a thirst. His poops this morning were as they've been recently: numerous... about 12, but good colour, consistency and still no more of the "dark green" liquid staining that made me so anxious recently. And, as I say, they were all directly under where he'd spent the night on his perch, so he didn't move about through the night. He can move over and out from under the heater above, should it get too warm for him. But then, the nature of this heater is such that, being "infrared", it doesn't heat the air, rather, it heats what-ever is with-in range... including Yonah and his perch. So, again, if it ever gets too warm for him, he only needs to move to the side... same perch, just not under the heat source.)
Well, I managed to make it through the morning routine, from opening his door, placing the door perch, opening windows and changing his pool and drinking water and all the while... he had nothing to say. At least he was active though. THAT was assuring to me. And he looked quite well... although he's still shedding little feathers, there are no "bald" spots and the quantity of feathers isn't "drastic". And the feathers he has look healthy. I took it all in and was "OK" with everything.
Before leaving for work this morning, I put fresh food in his dish and today, sprinkled his "milk thistle" on top, mixed it only enough to "blend" it in with his seeds (so it wasn't so obvious... because Yonah WILL toss-aside what he doesn't want in his food and I want to make sure that he gets SOME milk thistle... to make sure his liver is healthy). Fresh food, milk thistle, fresh water... his house was tidy.
Today was my longer morning away... 3 hours instead of 2, and I NEVER like that. But I made certain to drop back into the house to check on my Little Guy, twice. The first time, he was on his loft, resting. The second time, he was on the back of the chair at the work table. I was relieved to know that he was active, up and about.
BUT... when I got back in from work at about noon, and was changing into "house clothes" in the bed-room beside Yonah's room, I called to him "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"... AND HE CALLED BACK... "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". I answered. He replied! We were "chatting"... at last!
And when I finally got me settled and had moved into his room for the day, as I settled at the work table, my little heart-and-Soul was BASKING on his little corner beach ! The sun was shining BRILLIANTLY in through his window and he was taking-in EVERY possible bit of it! GLORIOUS to see! He was SO comfortable, so relaxed, and, as far as I could tell, he was "feeling well"... No signs of any sort of illness or ailments ! I couldnt have been any happier ! AND... today was the beginning of the rest of today and ALL of tomorrow... TOGETHER! That's ALWAYS by BEST of times.
This after-noon, we cleaned and added fresh white sand to his little "beach". It was surprisingly easy to clean because of the size of the "grit" and the colour. White might not be the "natural" coulour, for our "local" sand, certainly not the different shades of brown and beige of the river sand, but, being "quartz" (or "quartzite", as I've learnt the natural stone is called), I've come to learn that it's just as good, if not better for him. But, just to make sure there's some nutritional value (like calcium), I added some "Kaytee High-Calcium Grit" to the mixture which contains granite grit and crushed oyster shell. The mixture of black and white, though much less black, is still easier to keep "clean", free of poops and little bits of what-ever might be on the floor of my Little Guy's house.
And, I'm delighted to note: Yonah approves of the mixture because, I'd not sooner put it all into his house and he was at it, pecking and eating, right away! So in addition to getting a good food mixture, he's getting a healthy "grit". Sure, I'd like to stick with the local items, from sand to trees. But I'm beginning to believe that my suspicions are being proven correct: iron... too much of it in the local sand. Since changing over to the white "PlaySand", thoroughly washed, free of fine dust, Yonah seems to be doing noticeably better. YAY!
Well then, that said, I managed to grab a 30-minute "lie-down". Not so much of a snooze because Yonah was as pleased to have me in the room as I was to be there with him and as I laid on his futon, he came flying over to the pillow, gave a couple pecks on my fore-head, and wanted to "play"... hopping onto the pillow and then "ducking" down onto the arm-rest where all I could see was his head, peeking over and up at me. And strokes, "cuddles" and a little "Catch Me!" were the tasks this after-noon... and I SO enjoyed being able to have the time to indulge.
After, I managed to get some other work done, most of which was at the work table... and that delighted both of us.
This evening, at 17.00, we settled-down to have our evening meals together. And Yonah's been eating SO WELL... and today, a little more milk thistle. (Tomorrow we change back to his regular diet again. I don't want him to get "too much" milk thistle because it tends to turn his poops quite green and I'm not so sure that's "good". But as long as he gets some, I'm thinking, once-monthly, it's better than none at all... if it helps keep his little liver healthy.) In any case, seeing him eating so well does my heart SO much good! Seeing him with a healthy appetite and wanting to eat tells me he's well. Eating well, drinking well, a day with basking in the sun-light, playful, the world is complete and fine, indeed.
The sad part though, of our recent days: they end TRULY ENTIRELY TOO SOON. By the time we'd eating our meals and the washing-up was done, the sun-shine was already quite a thing of the past. It sets SO EARLY now. By 18.30 even the Little Ones of the wood-lands were all away, tucked-in for their nightly roost, so, trying to keep as close to "nature" as I can, it was already time to get to the evening water changes and to close the windows for the night. The desk lamp got turned on for a dim but sufficient light and that has become one of the signs that Yonah has become accustomed to: that light goes on, it's time to get settled for the night!
So I got to the task of the evening water changes and, as I did, Yonah got to his evening routine of "checking his house". It does seem like he checks to make sure that everything around him is as it should be. He hops about, checking his little "beach", then up to his loft, over to his food. It's become a "routine" at the end of the day. And whilst he does, I get to closing window blinds and curtains. Once the back board is installed and his house is put in place (just far enough from the window so that any "chill" that might manage to come through the glass doesn't get to him) he tends to head over to his food... for that "before seepie-nigh-night" snack. We have our "routine" now. It's always amazing... especially when I think of how little credit "people" give birds for being SO BRILLIANT! Oh... if only this Journal, this web-site would get more attention! If only I could figure a way to get the message out:
People NEED to learn to not only respect but admire these Little Ones!
We were a bit later though, tonight, with finally turning the bird-songs and radio off. What made it "later" still was that, by 19.30, out-side was completely dark... as dark as it would get by 21.00 before! "Night" was already quite upon us. So, I finally silenced the room, no bird-songs, no radio, and since Yonah was already on his perch, back under his heater, all "roosted", I put the roof board on and put his little "moon" light up there for him. Set at a dim setting, it gives him just enough light to see about his house after the desk lamp is turned off so that he can still get to his food and water if he desires, and too, since I come in to pass the night on his futon, it gives me just enough light to navigate safely and quietly. And I place it on the roof board so that it doesn't shine directly into Yonah's house... so he can get to sleep.
By 19.37, my Little Guy was all tucked-in, settled, calm and quiet. Good night kisses and snuggles done, he got to nestle-in for another comfy, warm, cozy, safe... protected night of sleep. We made it through another day... and were into another night... and tonight, again, another night together. (If Creation insists on making our days shorter... we'll be together anyway... even though sleeping. We might not be able to snuggle together 'neath the covers, but at least, we're in the same room... and I DO believe Yonah is aware of my presence at night, that he's aware of the fact that, in the darkness, I'm "there"... in case he needs me... for anything.)
Sunday 16 October:
It was another one of those "odd" sorts of starts to the day, this morning. The clock read 7.35 and the stillness of the house was, to me, uncomfortable. Yes, admittedly, I start to work from "concerned" to "worried" as the time passes, and the "morning call" that lightens the entire day doesn't come.
Again, last night, I'd slept through the night on Yonah's futon, and all was calm when I woke in the early morning darkness. My Little Guy was on his perch, under his "Sweeter Heater", his room was comfortably warm, and all appeared well, and I crept silently out of his room, closing the door behind me so as not to disturb him. Yet, as day-light broke, well... it reminds me: "Two years behind us... and I have no way of knowing how many, if any days there are ahead."
Just as silently as ever, I slowly opened the door to his room and stepped in, started to put the futon back together so that it was in the order it normally is during the day and as I lifted the pillow, from beside me, in the darkness, I heard a slight and soft...
"woo!"
And then another of the same. It always sound like a little "OH!", either as if startled or an acknowledgement "Ah, there you are." And I'm always aware of the claim that mourning doves (and other birds, I'm sure) never really sleep, completely, that one "half" of their brain "sleeps" whilst the other half remains completely aware of what's going on around them. I still wonder if Yonah does that. It's his "nature" to do so, but, for these past two years, he's had no reason to be "aware" of his surroundings at night. There haven't been any "predators" to threaten him in the night's darkness. I wonder if he hasn't become aware of that fact or if his natural instinct to keep partially awake isn't still strong. (After all, people who have been "conditioned" to be aware of their surroundings over the course of time, are known to be what we refer to as "light sleepers"... and I know that to be a fact because I'm just one of the same, sleeping but always alert to any "odd sound".) I wonder if he's not "half awake" when I walk into the room and the "woo!" is a response to a sudden "presence", motion, even in the little bit of light in the room before the blinds and curtains are open.
There IS something that I've become very much aware of over the course of our time together: Even though his room is at the opposite end of the house, off to the side, in a "far corner", even when the door to his room is closed, he's aware of when I open the front door to the house. Could it be a change in the "ambient pressure" in the house? Or a "shift" in the air? Birds' feathers are EXTREMELY sensitive to such things so I've no doubt that has something to do with his awareness of doors and windows opening. I shouldn't doubt that even my slightest movements in his room "change" the air, some-how and they let him know that I'm there. And if he's "half sleeping", that one side that remains "awake" most-likely sees me come into the room, especially when the light changes... even slightly.
What-ever the situation, that little "woo!" was THE MOST ASSURING sound I could have heard. Not a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" but, it told me that, at the very least, my little Heart-and-Soul was awake... alive. NOTHING in my daily existence is more important than THAT!
So, I immediately opened the door to his house, placed his door perch where it belongs, and softly, I "woo'ed" back and whispered... "Good morning my most Precious Little One. Good morning to you." and leaned in for "good morning" kisses.
Again, this morning, no "chatting". No "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". But he DID stretch his wings and start to "preen", as if getting prepared to be presented to the new day. I managed to get a couple of kisses to him, and, after a moment, I received a few in return. But, it was a quiet morning... again. Even as I went about opening the blinds and curtains... no conversation. Well? As I say: not everybody (nor everybirdie) is in a mood to chat, first thing of a morning. The important things this morning were that my little Heart-and-Soul was awake, alive, looking well... and the poop check showed that he'd rested calmly through the night AND that his little tummy is in good order... the poops were all under where he'd spent the night and they were all good in colour and composition... and again, this morning, thankfully... no "green water"... no "excess water" at all. We were off to a good start... and I was quite relieved.
Once we got the morning routine completed, I went back to the kitchen to attend to a few chores there and... as I did, Yonah went over for a bit of breakfast and over to his little corner loft to rest and snuggle. And when I moved into his room to get settled at the work table, he had a little more to eat, then has a bit of the sand or grit that I'd freshened yesterday for him... hopped over to his pool, and had a drink of water.
Today's note though: there are SO MANY LITTLE FEATHERS about his room! Now I wonder if it isn't the heater, keeping him so warm that his little body is shedding the downy "insulating" feathers because they're not needed. No "bald" spots on his body. And the condition of the shed feathers is fine. They're not "brittle" or "broken". They're just loosening and he's "discarding" them. I'd HAVE to say it's because he's never actually "cold"... Autumn can't get to him with the heater. And with his energy levels and the poops looking healthy... I'll just have to watch.
Mean-while, as I sat and began to get to my tasks, he made it so obvious that he was happier... because I wasn't "running out", as I tend to do now, in the mornings. (It's delightful, really: he enjoys our time together as much as I do. Our "Love" for one-another is obviously "mutual"... and NOTHING can be better than THAT!)
So... The sun shone SO brilliantly in through the windows today, and, sadly, I had just a few little "chores" that needed attending during the day. By noon, I'd been in with my little Heart-and-Soul all morning and we had a little mid-day snack together... I decided to get to the other items on the day's agenda and get them done so I headed out for about an hour. Yonah had gone to his loft to soak in some of the warmth and light so all was well with my Little Guy for a while.
I did manage to get everything done out-side and in just over an hour, came back in to shower and when I got back in the house, Yonah was no-where to be seen in his room! Of course, as I always do when I can't find him any-where I expect him to be, I went into the usual "Panic!". It's just an "over-reaction" because I worry, immediately, that he's gotten him-self stuck behind or under furniture some-where or he's flown into a window or wall. So, in a "calm state of frantic" I scoured the house.
He'd gone into the living-room and was roosting on his little "tree" in the corner, roosting with the mourning dove decoys there! The three of them together was quite the sight, especially since the sun had moved along the sky and was now shining quite wonderfully in the living-room. When I called "THERE you are!" he looked over at me, gave a bit of a "fluff", preened a little and went right back to being comfy. He was perfectly fine with the way things were and so, I got to take that shower. When I got out of the shower... he was still on the limb. He'd found his place and he was staying... for a while anyway....
One of the top items on today's list was to get to clean his room! He's been shedding SO MANY FEATHERS these days, and, because the heating in the house is "forced air", they've been blown into one corner of his room, mostly. They needed to be picked-up, and SOON! So, while my Little Guy was comfy, in the rest of the house, I got busy in his room.
Since he was "established" else-where, I went to his room and moved his house away from the windows to get to cleaning... and it led to taking his room apart. FEATHERS! OH SO MANY LITTLE FEATHERS ALL OVER, especially down on the floor by his windows. Thankfully, they all look "healthy", not "broken-off" at all. Looks like he's heading into a moult. If so, we're going for "that time" again when I'm grateful that the "old" feathers will be shed and new feathers will take their place BUT my heart grows so heavy and my general attitude toward it all grows dark. These days, I know, well, of the pain and discomfort he'll suffer through and again, I go through the feelings of incompetence, inferiority, uselessness because there's nothing that can be done to make the experience any less uncomfortable for him.
As I recall, two years ago, he was beginning a moult when he was attacked. (I still have a jar of all the feathers he shed then... along with his second major moulting.) 'tis October and time to "change clothes", as it were. After all, he still has his energy ... though he's not "talking" much these days. But then again... "moulting"... he'd stopped chatting the past two times. (I just worry SO much about EVERY little "change" he makes. I can't even think about him not feeling perfectly well, for ANY reason. He's already been through such unfathomable Hell... something trying to destroy him... slowly. I always wonder if he has any recollection of that day. I still don't know for certain, what transpired, though, as time has passed, I tend now, to believe it was a local feral cat. I can only be thankful that he'll NEVER have to experience any of that again... so long as I take breath.)
Anyway, he wasn't too thrilled with the disturbance in his room and the fact that his house was turned round. He came flying in, noticed that things were all "out of order" and he truly doesn't "adjust well" to "changes". I can't even move the items in his house with-out him watching, intently, and even coming to peck at my hand, as if to say "Hey! That's MINE!" so, he was ALL OVER the place. And he blends into just about EVERY surrounding (which is why I wonder how mourning doves can ever be "prey"... since they truly DO almost disappear... even in house-hold furnishings), so I had to keep careful watch, lest I bumped into him or put something down too close or worse, ON him. It slowed me down but I really prefer that he sees what's going on so he comes to understand that nothing is being done to "destroy his home".
He "supervised"... from his orange tree, the wall shelves, in his house (as I tried putting it back together), on his door... honestly, he was catching every movement from every possible angle. Reminded me so much of the stories of how doves, in general, take interest in their environment in a house-hold. This time, it was more "scrutiny" than "interest", but... that's all more of what makes my little Heart-and-Soul SO much THE reason for my existence.
When, at last (for both of us) all the work was complete, his room and house were fresh and clean. Fresh food, with some ground peanuts and sun-flower seeds for the extra protein he'll need if he's moulting... I've learnt that much, at least) were at the ready. Although, replacing his food was quite an ordeal and not appreciated either. But I no sooner got the fresh food in and he was EATING! (Well... it was "evening meal time" by then.) My comfort in it all was when, as I sat to type a couple of notes on his Journal, he came over and "roosted" on the back of the chair behind me... All was well again, his world was settled and as it ought to be.
Tonight, there was more reluctance to get settled-in for seepie-nigh-night. He'd been up on his top shelf from since after evening meals, and really made it obvious that he didn't want to be touched. And when, after I'd closed the blinds and curtains, changed the waters, put up the back board, he finally made his way back to his house, to his roof-top, he just didn't want to play or to be cuddled. So, when he finally hopped to his platform, I got him back into his house and he went to his "beach". I reached in and leaned in for kisses... and he scurried away. He's a bit "fluffed" this evening. I can't tell if it's moulting, perhaps the peanuts in his food today just didn't agree with him... So I changed his food back to the plain mix, nothing "added" in it. (Tomorrow, I'll add some "moutling mix", just in case.)
I have to keep my strength, remember that it's October, that, for two years, October has been his "moulting" time and that whilst we wait for this to pass, times will be difficult... for both of us. He's in pain... and I'm in pain because he's not in perfect health. Tough days coming. How my heart breaks, I feel so utterly useless to him. And all the reading and studying and "learning" about moulting just doesn't make matters any better for me. There truly is nothing that I can do to alleviate his discomfort. We just have to wait. Sure, in the wild, where he was born, there'd be even less than the fresh food and water, a safe place to roost that I provide. Still, the thought of my little Heart-and-Soul being in ANY discomfort just tears at me. "Nature"... not always pleasant.
But by 19.10, he'd eaten some of the fresh food, so he has an appetite and is eating. A good sign. And after eating, he headed to his perch.
At 19.52... he was on his night perch, "settled-in" and "settled-down" for the night. I put the light out in his room, hoping that through the night, he'll be able to rest, peacefully. Tomorrow, as they say, will be another day... one day closer to a complete moulting...
Monday 17 October:
It was another one of "those" mornings, this. I'd been up and about and waiting for "morning call" for what seemed like and eternity. So at 7.31, I went into Yonah's room to check on him.
In his house, a completely still silhouette on his perch. All his poops this morning, were "in place", neatly under where he'd been through the night. Well, he'd been "calm" last night but the fact that he wasn't up and awake yet, and that there was no movement... As usual, my heart stopped until...
I opened the door to his house, as quietly as possible, and slowly, so as not to make any sudden motion or sound... a little head-bob and a wing stretch! BUT... no "woo-hoo"...
Softly, I whispered "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo".... No response. I tried again, several times, hoping to elicit SOME sort of reply... Nope. Not even a little "grrr", as he'll sometimes reply with.
So I rolled his house away from the windows and opened the curtains and blinds, and... still, nothing much more than a slight stretching of wings. It was about to make me seriously worry when...
I came round, put his house where it belongs, in front of the windows and leaned my head in, to give our "morning kiss" to my little Heart-and-Soul... KISSES! OH, SO MANY KISSES! SO VERY MANY KISSES! WHAT A RELIEF TO ME! But then, he started to preen, as he does in the morning and YAWNED!
It's said that birds "yawn" when there's something "off" with their breathing, something "out of sorts" in their throat! So, of course, THAT caused me a little "panic"... I remember that it's also said that when they preen, they'll sometimes put their neck out of sorts too, much like people can do with a wrong turn of the head or looking down to sharply. It's not "OK" but usually, it's not "detrimental". Still...
I leaned in again, for a closer look-see and...
MORE KISSES! MY HEART-AND-SOUL WAS OK! And so, that being ALL I need to know on ANY day, I was too.
These days, it's particularly hard on me because I'm expected to be at work in the morning for those 2 hours, but with people being what they are, there's always the chance they'll keep me away longer and it's extremely stressful, not knowing where and how Yonah is. Starting a day so quietly just makes it all the heavier for me.
The GREAT news this morning: as I did the morning water relay, he headed to his loft and did his little "tail-raised flutter" with several "perch coo's" of "woo-HOO!" And when I responded with a "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" he replied! OK! WE were OK this morning! (Didn't make leaving the house much easier for me, but at least I knew my Little Guy was OK.)
By 8.05, as I was getting things together in the kitchen, I heard, from his room, the "whistle" of wings... and at 8.09 he was having breakfast. He was up. He was flying. HE WAS EATING! The morning was just FINE!
When I got back in from work today (a little bit later than I should but not as late as I'd expected) HE WAS SO HAPPY! SO MUCH TO "TELL" ME... WITH SO MUCH COO'ING! And SO MANY MORE KISSES THROUGH THE REST OF THE DAY! I can't help but imagine that he's as happy to see me as I am to be back together. There's an obvious part of me "missing" when we're not together. If I could figure a safe way to do it, I'd bring him with me for those couple of hours. But, I still don't know how he'd react with people coming and going and the office is relatively small, and he'd have to be in his "old house" so there wouldn't be much room to get around. Not to mention, he'd be "caged" and that's something that not only is he not accustomed to, but I don't like the very notion of. So we have to "suffer" through the separation. Thankfully, it's not a matter of an entire day.
People have NO idea just how much a part of me he is. And I'm pretty sure very few would even understand. Hey! Two years ago, I didn't expect him to be in my existence for more than over-night. TWO YEARS ago!
How I DO SO wish I could just truly "cuddle and hug" him. But he makes it clear that he's not "fond" of that sort of "affection". But of course, at this point in time and his life, if he's moulting, or even beginning to... it would only cause him more discomfort or even pain and I would NEVER, no matter what, inflict that on him. All I can do is let him know in other ways, just how important he is to me. And some-how, I believe he's very much aware of that anyway.
Well... the day passed... and we were together for the rest of it. And this evening, we had our "evening meals" together with a little "news" on the lap-top. That's our daily routine.
This evening, when we were getting ready for tuck-in, I leaned into his house and sang to him. "If I lay here... If I just lay here".... (Chasing Cars... Snow Patrol... it's particularly close to me and the way I feel about having Yonah in my life), HE LEANED FORWARD AND GAVE ME A FEW GENTLE PECKS ON THE CHEEK! KISSES! WHILST I SANG! Yeah... in his own way, in what-ever way birds have of "knowing" things, he does know how integral he is to my next heart-beat.
At 19.25 tonight, I put his desk lamp off and his "moon light" on. It wasn't much later than that that I was covered, on his futon, for the night. We both go "seepie-nigh-night" at about the same time now. He's bringing me back into some "natural order" of sleep-and-wake. And for me... it's WONDERFUL!
Tuesday 18 October:
This morning, this day, today began later again... It wasn't until 7.36 until the first "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". But at least there was a "morning call" this morning! So my heart was "easier" today and the "morning routine" went right along.
And this morning, when I "opened house" my little Heart-and-Soul took a little "flight"... out of his house, around his room and back again. He'd had another "calm" night last night. Poops all in order, looking fine and well. But I can see that he IS heading into a moult! It makes the time so hard for me, especially having to leave him alone when I go to work.
Of course, I can't be sure, one way or another, whether my presence is better or worse for him now, and admittedly, it's more selfish of me to want to be here with him. There's nothing I can do for him to make this any easier, but I DO SO WORRY that he's not only going through the pain of moulting but that he's left alone. He's a "flocking-sort", and I wonder if he doesn't miss just having some sort of company. I can't really play with him. He's not really in a "playing" mood now. And I can't hold him. That would only make things worse, to be sure. But just being "here" for him, in case he wants company or something.
It's been two years and I still feel so inferior, so useless to my little Heart-and-Soul. There's SO MUCH that I still don't know, and there's such an absence of any sort of "help" to be found. And what makes it more difficult (for me) is the absence of trust-worthy "educated" somebody to confer with. Admittedly, I wouldn't subject my Little Guy to being poked, prodded and the likes, especially not NOW. But it would be SOME comfort if I could either ask questions of some-one who might have the knowledge of these Little Ones, some-one who might have SOME idea(s) what I could do for him, what I ought to look for, in case of complications. Well, I just keep thinking that maybe this compilation of our daily lives (our daily life together) will help somebody else at some point (though, there's a LOT of documentation at this point and I most-seriously doubt that ANYBODY will EVER put in the time to read through all of this. One day, I suppose, I'll have to go through it all and present a "condensed" version. After all, as the time has passed, I've come to learn that some of what I've used as reference has been proven incorrect already. But if I can help one other person who wants to help one other dove...)
Well... I rushed back after work today and, as we do when I get back, headed for the kitchen to put a little "lunch" together so that we could be together for that. And as I was preparing, WOOSH! My Little Guy came out to keep me company! It was SO GOOD, SO ENCOURAGING to see him up and about and taking a bit of a flight! Especially now, as he's moulting, I'm sure he's not in a mood to "get around". But, what really is a comfort to me is knowing that, if he wants to "exercise", he can... WITH-OUT ANY CONCERN FOR OR ABOUT PREDATORS or ANYTHING that could cause him ANY harm! He has the full space of the house... and he couldn't be safer.
And seeing him active tells me that he's (probably) in good health. (I can never be absolutely certain of that because birds tend to NEVER show ANY signs of illness or discomfort, and I'm pretty sure that Yonah's "instincts" are still very much intact such that he wouldn't give ANY indication of illness. It's more of what makes my heart heavy... But as long as he's got ANY interest in being ANY-where other than in his house is, to me, a good indication that he's not "bad off".)
This after-noon, after we'd had our lunches, the sun shone in through his window, so brilliantly, and he took advantage of it... BASKING, beautifully, in his house. I have to take consolation in that much: at this time of year, as temperatures out-side drop to cooler, and the hours of sun-shine are shorter, at least what sun we DO get now comes into Yonah's room for longer. AND, as it is when he flies about the house, here, now, he can bask, comfortably, no worries about being disturbed or attacked... There isn't much I can give him, but I can give him this much.
And after what was a relatively "silent" morning and early after-noon, after he'd had a nice bask, OH, he began coo'ing again. Poor Little Guy, he's probably not in much of a mood to "sing" or even to "'chat". But he found a bit of time to fill the room with his beautiful "woo-HOO's"!
As the day went on though, the "moulting" became more obvious. He's dropping feathers, especially round his face, and it PAINS ME SO MUCH to see... knowing how it must itch... and probably hurt as the old feathers drop and the new feathers poke through.
So we had our evening meals together again, this evening... and after, I did the evening water relay. I'm never sure when or if he'll want to take a "soak". I expect it might make things easier for him when he does, so now, more than ever, I want him to have fresh, clean water... not just for drinking but for "splashing".
But 19.43 tonight, his house was settled for the night and "tuck-in" was done. Room lights off, "moon light" on... We made it through another day together. No doubt tomorrow will be a bit worse with the moulting. But tonight, hopefully, my little Heart-and-Soul will be able to get some proper rest. We'll face "tomorrow" together again... just as we'll face ALL of "our tomorrows"... together.
Wednesday 19 October:
At 7.29 this morning, I'd been up and had my own "morning routine" completed but wanted to make sure that Yonah was OK and so, I crept, softly, into the darkness of his room... I could see his little silhouette, on his perch, but he was over by the loft in the corner opposite from where he usually sleeps at night. Motionless... and he stayed motionless even as I removed the roof board from his house! Yeah... as is the case, my heart grew heavy in my chest, not knowing if he was OK, just "weary", not in the mood to move because of the moulting or...
But, when I moved his house to get to open the windows for the morning, he moved a bit... and took a little wing-stretch! I was SO RELIEVED!
This morning was particularly chilly, so for the while, I kept the blinds drawn-down but opened them enough to let in some of the day-light... Drew the curtains back but left the sheers in place to let in light but give some insulation against the chill. Bad enough my Heart-and-Soul should be dealing with the discomforts of moulting, I've no doubt that he doesn't need "chills" with the rest of it. Especially considering that he'd fluff those feathers for warmth and, just the very thought of that caused me almost-sickening pain!
He was, for the most-part of the morning, "silent". No "morning call". No "chatting". No coo's. No "woo-hoo's". BUT when I leaned in to say "Good morning" he DID lean forward and give me MANY little kisses! Again, as I say, I will ALWAYS swear that he knows how I'm feeling about him, how I worry about him, how heavy my heart is for him and he DOES manage to let me know that he's OK... with those gentle pecks on the nose, the eyes, the cheeks. (I'm learning... I'm ALWAYS learning... and he's ALWAYS teaching... patiently.)
And this morning, the moulting is all the more obvious on his little face! It's heart-breaking! It just LOOKS SO PAINFUL! I keep thinking of how much it must itch... and on his PRECIOUS little FACE! Around his eyes! It's no wonder he's so quiet... Not in the mood for "chatting". And again... I'm so utterly USELESS to him!
As we did our "morning routine" with water changes and such, I WAS BLESSED WITH MANY MORE KISSES AND A COUPLE OF "woo-hoo's". And as I prepared for the water relay, he DID come to his door perch. So seeing him moving about lightened my heart (though not much, I have to admit).
By 8.00 he was "preening" what-ever he could get at. That too, makes me feel so useless. Were there another dove there for him, s/he could, at least, get to the feathers on his face, head and neck. I've read that it's OK to give a little "scratch" when bird moult, but Yonah doesn't appear to enjoy it if I touch him at this time. So again, all I can do is watch... and wait... and hope... and feel useless.
So the day started with a bit of a "start" again, and when I had to leave for work, the bird songs were playing. I kept the room a little darker thinking it might be easier on Yonah... and the blinds and sheers would ward off some of the morning chill... until I got back. The house heat is up, so the furnace will run to keep things "warm". But his house is at the windows so... I just don't like the thought of the cold radiating through the glass and that outer wall. If nothing else, I'll make sure that my little Heart-and-Soul is provided with the best-possible nourishment, water and warmth!
When I came back in from work this morning, I rushed in to check on Yonah and HE LOOKED SO PAINFUL! IT WAS HORRIFIC FOR ME TO SEE... THE MOULTING AROUND HIS LITTLE EYES... ACROSS HIS LITTLE FACE! IT WAS, TO ME... JUST MISERABLE! BUT WHEN I LEANED INTO HIS HOUSE, WHERE HE HAD BEEN "LOUNGING" ON HIS LOFT, HE CAME OVER TO GIVE ME KISSES! HOW I SO WISH I COULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE! I remember laying in my bed on those first nights, resting my hand on the wall that separated our rooms, and praying to take what-ever pains he had away from him. Today, that prayer becomes my heart-beat. If only I could do that, take ALL of his pains, his discomforts from him... If only...
So, once we were back to be settled together, I made some hard-boiled eggs for us. Now, more than ever, Yonah needs the protein and the vitamin D in the egg so... I crumbled a yolk and put it on a plate that I brought into the room and leaned into his house and made it appear that I was eating it and enjoying hit, hoping that he'd at least TRY to eat some. He didn't want the egg... What he DID want was more KISSES! I'm in AWE! All that discomfort, possibly all that pain, and he gives me re-assuring kisses! Hey! MAYBE I AM doing something correct for him. But I WILL say, yet again, I just know that he knows how I'm feeling these days, for and about him. And I swear that the kisses are his way of letting me know that he appreciates what little I'm able to do for him. (It gives me not only some solace but the strength and courage and determination to keep going... instead of dropping in despair over feeling so useless.)
I managed to grab a bit of a snooze this after-noon, after we'd had lunch AND, when I woke, he was "there", beside the pillow... for MORE kisses! WHAT A DAY!
And so, as the day progressed, I opened the windows... blinds and curtains, and let in the day-light from out-side. And got on with the business around the house, checking-in on Yonah all through. He was quiet for the most part, and I didn't want to disturb him. I figured that, if he wanted to fly around he'd do so. If he wanted to be "out and about" the house or his room, he'd do. But surely, even as I've read, this is a time when he needs to rest and gather his strength, so, for the most part, I limited my activities to the rest of the house and yes, quite a bit of sitting at the desk/work table with him... quietly... a "presence in the room". Just enough to let him know that he wasn't alone... I was there... for all I'm worth. He seemed to understand and he seemed to appreciate my feeble attempts at being a "good companion".
Well... by about 19.00, the sun was all but gone and "seepie-nigh-night" time came rolling around. So, once again, we changed the waters in pool and dish, got his house together, shut the windows against the night's chill ahead. B y 19.35... my little Heart-and-Soul was tucked-in, on his night perch, warm, safe, protected, able to rest, sleep through the night with NO cares or concerns about his safety and welfare. Tonight, as every night, he has, at the very least, that much... Time and safety in which to moult, heal... be well... at the very least... he has that much... and me... .right here with him... on the futon in his room, to make sure he's safe... through the night.
Thursday 20 October:
This morning, again, was particularly difficult for me... painful.
I woke at my usual "earlier than Yonah" so that I'd be there for him when he woke. And so, seeing that he was still "sleeping", as it were, I went about my usual morning routine of morning coffee and the likes. I didn't want to disturb my Heart-and-Soul because, well, these are painful days for him and I don't know, with any certainty, how well he managed to rest through the night. So I decided to wait until he called before attending to his "morning routine".
It wasn't until 8.10 this morning that he called "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". Still plenty of time to get his house in order for the day and for me to get to work (which, today, I did with the greatest trepidation and, admittedly, resentment, preferring to stay in the house just to "be there"... though I knew, in my heart, that there was nothing that I could do for my Little Guy to make him any more comfortable than Nature would provide). So we got to the regular business-at-hand, trying to keep things as "regular" as possible. These are not days to waver from "routine". I don't want to cause ANY reason for "curiosity" now. Everything MUST remain as calm and conducive to "healing" as is at all possible.
Well, seeing that he was settled, on his loft, awake, relaxing, and up and about, heavy-heartedly, I told him that I was just going next door to work and that I'd be right here, close by and I'd be back in just 2 hours.
Admittedly, EVERY spare moment that I had during those 2 hours, I DID come back in to check on "things". I came in, looked into Yonah's room to see where he was and how he was. Each time, he was, as he often is during the day, in his little corner loft. That much was "normal", though not of any assurance to me. I SO wanted to just be there... all the while.
I HAD to run for some small marketing today, so, since I was out of the house anyway, I hurried back, after work, to check-in, and RUSHED out the door, to the market, literally ran through the aisles and was back by noon...
When I got back in to spend the rest of the day with my Little Guy, I put the shopping up and went in to see him. Leaning my head into his house to say "Hello" and to assure him that I was back and not leaving again, he stood up, bobbed his head forward... KISSES!
It's SO obvious today, that he's moulting... particularly around his face. And it's SHATTERING my soul... knowing of his discomfort, and hoping, with my absolute ALL that he's NOT in ANY actual "pain". It's impossible to avoid empathetic pains... at least, for me. And I have to wonder if he's aware of how he appears to me. There are moments when it just seems he'd actually like to hide this all from me. Maybe he knows "something's not as it should be"... maybe the discomfort is telling him that he ought to hide-away so that his "inability" right now isn't noticed. Birds... as I've read accounts, even when they're so injured that death is imminent, they'll hide EVERY indication of "imperfection"... They don't howl, whine, moan, cry. They're more likely to simply "rest" or even continue toddling about... with their last traces of any life at all. And knowing this, and looking at my Heart-and-Soul just drives such a stake so deeply into my being. And then, being unable to do or give anything to lessen the discomfort or pain... I just feel useless, horrid. And I hope that Yonah understands that I WANT to make it all easier for him (and, some-how, I tend to believe that he IS aware of my feelings... so I try my best to dispel them so that he doesn't sense any "discomfort" on my side of it all).
So the day went along and we DID spend it together. I attended to the regular house-hold chores and made sure to be in Yonah's room, with him, as much as possible. Though we didn't play around much and he wasn't all too active, of course. These days are "heavy" for me... and he's so obviously "not him-self". But we did have our evening meals together. The most assuring and comforting thing in the day is seeing him eating. No matter how he might be feeling, as long as he eats I have SOME comfort in knowing he's well-enough to eat. (I watch that aspect with anticipation...)
The ODDEST thing though, and the MOST WONDERFUL OF THE ENTIRE DAY WAS WHEN, AT 18.15 THIS EVENING... AS I SAT IN HIS ROOM, I HAPPENED TO LOOK UP, BECAUSE HE'D BEEN SO STILL AND SILENT AND THERE... HE WAS IN HIS POOL !!! I'm pretty sure that the cool water and moisture provided SOME relief from the itching he must be suffering. But to see him splashing and soaking was, to me, SUCH A GREAT JOY! (And, as I've said/noted so often before, it does my soul such good when I realise that it was just my own "instinct" to put that little pool in his house for him. I'll never know "where" that idea came from or why, but... there it is... AND HE'S ENJOYING IT!) I'm a little saddened though in that, I've read that "aloe" could help alleviate some of the itching he's suffering, and that he has a pool of water I could put some into, but he drinks from that pool too and I don't know that aloe would be of any good to his little digestive system. The LAST thing I'd want to be responsible for now is his upset tummy! But, at leas there's always clean, cool water for him... and that's probably about enough to help lessen his suffering. OH! But if I could TAKE ALL of his discomfort to my-self! I'd so willingly and happily do that!
Even though I know that these feathers will be replaced with good, healthy, new, how I wish this wasn't necessary. "Creation"... "Life" is never perfectly easy for ANY of us. But how un-fair to make these Little Ones, who come into such an other-wise "violent" world, have to go through this experience too.
Mother always said "Life is not fair". Little did I realise that it's un-fair to "ALL".
Buy 19.00 tonight, we closed the blinds and curtains on the windows and set his house and room for the night. I put the house thermostat up to 70°F to ward-off any potential chill that might hit during the darkness. The very thought of Yonah's feathers "fluffing" to keep warm... in the state they're in, and that he has fewer of them... well... the best I can do is to make sure his surroundings are warm enough so that that isn't necessary.
When everything was done, the room and his house was settled, the door to his house, closed so that he could rest safely for the night, he was on the floor of his house... preening. I left the desk lamp on for him and stepped out of the room to let him prepare for his night.
At 19.46 I went back in to check on him. He was still on the little "drift-wood" on his floor. I turned the desk lamp off and put the "moon light" on to dim the room for him, but to leave enough light so that he could navigate back up to his perch.
As I stepped back out, from behind me I heard the "whistle" of wings and the softest "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". (The "softness"... almost as if a whisper, gets to my heart so deeply.) So I went back in to find him on his perch... at last. He was ready for the night. I opened his door, leaned in and we exchanged some kisses... "Good night". In my heart I some-how knew it was his way of telling me that he was as good as he could be. And something in-side me said that he'd called me back... to let me know...
We're going to get through this, together, some-how... We'd done so before. Sadly, this is only part of a "natural cycle"... and were he out-side, there'd be less done for his comfort. We're going to get through this, together, just fine... (soon... I hope).
Friday 21 October:
Today was one of those "particularly difficult" days... for BOTH of us, obviously.
For a start, it wasn't until 8.00 (again) this morning that Yonah "called".... such a soft, almost-whispered "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo". And, since the sun isn't quite "up" even at that hour of the morning, and I hadn't opened his room, the call came from a darkness. SO "heavy" to see... and to hear.
But, I went directly, and opened his house up, but left the blinds drawn-down, slats open to let in some light but to other-wise keep his room "dim". I remember reading that, during moulting, mourning doves will take to being under shrubs and bushes, out of sight and light. They're vulnerable, and so will hide to the best of their ability. I figured that keeping his room a bit darker might give him a better sense of "security". It was "odd" to me. People are so prone toward "sun-light for health and healing" but these days aren't about "people" and they're surely not about "me" so...
As I went about the "relay" of changing the waters in his pool and dish, as is usual "morning routine" (and one which I won't change because, well, no matter what, I want to make certain that he has fresh, clean water... for drinking AND if he should decide to take a little "soak"), he was "up and about" in his house, watching me and my every move.
When I saw his face in the light coming into the room... IT'S ALMOST COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ANY FEATHERS THIS MORNING! And it changes the little expression of his face! It LOOKS SO UNCOMFORTABLE! And for me, it's SO PAINFUL to see! And the turquoise around his eyes appears to be so much paler now too. OH! But if I could only take all of this from him! If only there were an easier way for him to go through all of this! If only...!
So going to work this morning was, for me, even more Hellish. BUT... again, as I do every day, EVERY moment that there wasn't somebody "needing something" in the office, I was back in the house... to check on my little Heart-and-Soul. ALL through the mere 2 hours (which, these days, feels more like 2 years!) I made sure to be here, and to let Yonah know that I was here with him.
When, AT LAST, I got back from work, I found him... resting... on his little corner "loft" shelf. By now, the sun was up, and these days, it's more to the "Southern sky" so it comes into his room and into his house. So... I thought to open the blinds, let in the light. As I did... the sun-light came pouring in and Yonah immediately took his little "basking" position: tail feathers splayed, wings slightly stretched. He BASKED! I wonder... it must have felt so GOOD... natural warmth and the light of the sun. (So I learn more: keeping the blinds closed isn't really the best action to take... He DOES enjoy the sun-shine! AND, I've a feeling he knows, by now, that he's safe... there are no predators in his "territory". So, going forward... open blinds in the morning...)
I got to take a bit of a "nap" after a quick bite of lunch, which I took in Yonah's room (as I do).
As he does, Yonah called me... *2 minutes before the alarm was to sound*. (I'll NEVER KNOW HOW HE KNOWS WHEN THE ALARM IS ABOUT TO SOUND AND HOW IT'S ALWAYS 2 MINUTES BEFORE! ANOTHER MYSTERY OF MY LITTLE LOVE... "NATURE"... WONDER... AWE.) As I opened my eyes... HE WAS THERE... "ROOSTING", AS IT WERE, ON MY LEG !!! I'm not sure how long he'd been there, but he'd flown from his house, over to the futon to be on my leg whilst I dozed! I can't even put into any words, the feeling of ELATION I felt, seeing him there, knowing that, even in his own pain, he came over to be with me when I woke! To be sure... OURS is a LOVE... SHARED by BOTH of us! OBVIOUSLY! (And I always continue to wonder: WHAT have I EVER done that I should be so deserving of this unique touch of purest "Heaven"?)
Well... for the rest of the day, he made him-self comfortable... BASKING in the BRILLIANT sun-shine that POURED in through his windows. The warmth. The light. Facing out into it... against his little face.
When, for a moment, I stepped out to the front porch, from across the house, I heard him call "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo"... almost as though he didn't want to be "alone"...
Today, I added a little bit of "siding" to his loft... He brings twigs up there and they keep falling out. So now, he can build a better "nest" of sorts, some fashion closer to what he would have, were he in the "environment he was actually born into". I do the best I can to replicate what, to him, would be "natural". Hopefully now, he'll be more comfortable. I can't imagine how, considering his "nesting" is twigs. But, that's what mourning doves use so... it's not for me to question. I've given him a "cloth nest", made with a well-worn pillow case, something soft to rest on. He's not fond of it. So... now he can use what he wants... and rest... in his own comfort.
But all through the day, I couldn't help but be so aware... HIS LITTLE FACE IS SO MISSING THE SOFT, LITTLE FEATHERS! IT LOOKS, TO ME, TO BE SO PAINFUL! These are some of the hardest days to simply "accept". They make me question the "justice" of simply existing. And when I see my little Heart-and-Soul handling it all so stoically, it teaches me how trivial my own tribulations are... He gives me a strength I never knew possible... He's my "teacher"... my "professor"... my "mentor"... my "inspiration"... my "strength".
So this evening, we had our evening meals... At least he's eating well and regularly! After, he flew out to the wall shelf where he made him-self comfy. I suppose the height and maybe the warmth, closer to the ceiling made him feel more secure... and he stayed up there until about 19.30... when he flew back into his house. It was time... the day had come to a close... it was "tuck-in"... seepie-nigh-night time!
So... since I'd already changed the waters, my Little Guy's house was all ready and set for him when, at about 19.30 he flew across the room and in... landed on his floor. It was seepie-nigh-night time. So we finished up the tuck-in, closing another day.
I turned off the desk lamp, turned on his "moon-light"... he hopped over to the pool for a quick drink and up to his perch.
Tonight, when I leaned in for "Good night kisses" he toddled away. No kisses. No "strokes". No "cuddles". I understand... I do. It drives right to my core to think of him in so much discomfort that he doesn't even want kisses. But, tonight, we close another day... one less day that he'll have to put up with this. And hopefully, there aren't many more ahead. I don't know HOW he tolerates it... I can only just barely. But as I say: he's my inspiration. When-ever I start to think of any of my own tribulations, all I need do is look to my little Heart-and-Soul and NOTHING in my own life seems important at all.
If not for Yonah... there would be no me. If not for Yonah... there will be no me.
Saturday 22 October
"Morning call": 7.45, with a resounding "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo"! And I SO wanted to just stay in, pass a Saturday with my little Heart-and-Soul today. But... had to get up and ready to go off to work. (We don't need me working, but with the little added income, well, I get to shop for the Little Guy. I know he doesn't understand it that way, but if I can make his life here any better by getting better "things" for him, it's a pure delight... selfish of me, yeah, but knowing he's taken care of and he's healthy, and as "happy" as he can be, in the circumstances... I do owe him that much. As I say: there's never enough and never too much for this little bundle of LIFE!)
I got up and right to the morning routine... opening curtains and blinds, changing water, putting the kettle on for my coffee, doing my best to be "awake". And all the while, Yonah was just as bright and brilliant as he is of a morning. Inspiration... nothing short of inspiration. No matter the "world", "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" makes it all PERFECT.
And so, at 8.30 this morning... I was "making my excuses", with heavy heart. Truly, with heavy heart because I just do NOT like being away from this Little Guy who's become my sole reason for even taking next breath. Sure, I'm only "in a room next-door" but... I'm not in the house with him. It's difficult for me, quite honestly.
During the morning, there was a lull at work and I quickly came back over to check in with Yonah, for my own peace of mind and to let him know that he wasn't really "alone"... When I walked in, the sun was POURING in through his windows! BRILLIANT SUN-SHINE... and HE WAS BASKING! Just a Little Guy of Leisure, as it were. It did my heart good to see him being able to take in the warmth and light (and hopefully, enough of the UV rays that he needs... "vitamin D" and all that). I only had about an hour more to work at that point, but seeing him calm and serene gave me the assurance I needed to get on with the rest of the "tasks"... I didn't disturb him because I didn't want him getting up from where he was, and so, I just quietly stepped back away from the door to his room and headed back to "the office".
For the rest of the day... when I got back, he was so quiet and so too, was I.
His little face is almost bare! It looks like the old-fashioned hair-style... slicked and combed back. I'm just only slightly relieved that I now know that it's moulting. Previously, it made me sick with worry. I don't like it any more or less than I did before I got an understanding of the moulting process..To a point, it makes me even MORE uncomfortable, imaging what discomfort... the itching and probably "pain" he's enduring and tolerating. And of all places, on his little face... around his eyes! And he doesn't make any sort of indication of any discomfort at all! Bad enough he'd been through the living Hell of being attacked and, quite literally "plucked raw", now he has to endure THIS Hell as well. It just isn't "fair", really. I mean, these Precious little Lives have so much against them in Nature... and human-kind, as a rule, over all, doesn't make it any better. But for Nature to put them through this phase... regularly. Well, as mother used to say, when I was but a child "Life isn't 'fair'." All I can do is make certain his environment is clean comfortable, safe... and he has his pool, if that's of any help. All I can do is "hope" that "this too shall pass... quickly".
And so, our day went along from there, as our days do. We had our lunches (he's eating and THAT soothes and calms my trepidations and worries). And I did my best to get on with the little "things" I do around the house, but as quietly and calmly as I possible could.
By 18.50 tonight, the sun had completely set... the world out-side the windows was dark already. The "Yardies" (all the Little Ones out there in the world) were long away, roosting in their "safe places" for the night. Yonah and I had had our "evening meals break" and so it was time to get to the water changes.
Yonah was "roosting", as it were, on the upper-most wall shelf where he seems to like the "vantage point" because from up there he can survey "his room" and all that happens in it.
I went about the business of changing the waters in his house, for the night and putting his room ready for the night ahead. When he realised his house was "in order" for seepie-nigh-night... the curtains closed, back-board installed, he flew over to his roof. I "coerced" him to hop onto the little platform there and, with him "riding along", brought him "home" to his perch. When I got the platform in and close enough, he hopped from it to his perch. Hey! He KNOWS where he is and what he's there for... and all the Little Ones out-side had long been settled for the night, it certainly was time for THIS Little Guy to be "tucked-in" too!
Once he was "established", I "coo'ed" from "behind" (from out-side his house) the little mirror that hangs beside him on his perch... he'd gone over to his "loft" in the opposite corner but, hearing the "coo", scuttled over to the mirror and coo'ed once, a soft "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo".
His coo's are so soft these days. It's obvious that he's not feeling all too well... It tears at my heart! But, I have to take some comfort in seeing that his poops and appetite are still really good. (Lately though, his "poops" have been more toward one "large" instead of all the little ones, and they're tending toward the "darker" colour, but, there's a lot of "moulting mix" in his food these days... the changes in the poop might be attributable to that: difference seeds and such.)
By 19.17 tonight, his moon light was on, and we exchanged some "Good night" kisses. He's "well enough" for those and that too, gives me relief. And after that, the door to his house was closed and I stepped out of his room... Saturday... officially "closed".
Sunday 23 October:
Ah... this morning we got to "sleep-in" a little while longer (Autumn is here... Winter isn't far off and the world will be sleeping-in soon).
Sunday commenced with "morning call": "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo", and ahead of us, a day together. I had no "job" to go to, no cause to leave the house. For me, the perfect Sunday ahead.
And when I popped my head in to open his house... SO MANY KISSES, KISSES, KISSES! It was as if he KNEW we had a day together! (And I wouldn't doubt he DID know... I've come to learn that he "knows" SO MUCH MORE than "people" could ever realise or care to understand.)
And as the day went along, the SUN SHONE BRILLIANTLY AGAIN... POURING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS. LIGHT AND WARMTH for both of us! Long moment of brilliance flooding the room where we got to spend our passing hours together... calmly.
And we DID too... I was at the desk, keeping up with the tasks and chores that I've been "postponing" because of the "interruptions in our life" with work. But we were together and that's all that really mattered. And I could be "there"... "here" for him, for little play time and attentions and affections. And I sensed that he was happier. And he does appear to enjoy it more when we're together. Even if he's just lounging in his house, he seems content (in spite of the misery of this moulting which hurts me... and I wonder if if doesn't hurt me more than it hurts him... though I doubt it).
Day passed and I was at the desk, finishing evening meal when, at 16.45, he suddenly got up, from his loft and came to his door perch, and, as if checking to make sure I was where I was supposed to be at that hour, he headed up to his roof-top platform, then up to the top wall shelf to the little "cloth nesting" up there. Again, the perfect "vantage point" to keep an eye on things in his room. And for a while, he settled there, looking ever-so comfy. (I do wonder why he doesn't prefer the softness of that nesting, but then too, that was his "nest" when he was "recovering". It was what I'd put into that "cage" for him. And then, he DID snuggle into it. I know mourning doves make the oddest "nests" with twigs, stiff and hard. Maybe it's like people who prefer "harder" mattresses over softer? Well... he has a choice now and this evening the softer seemed to be OK. And it looked more comfy... for as long as he stayed there, which wasn't all too long.)
Well... after evening meal, since the day was already settling into the late evening/night, I got right to the "evening routine"... changing the waters in his pool and dish and getting his house ready for the night... closing blinds and curtains against the chills and darkness out-side.
At 19.31 I actually had to bring him back "home" again tonight. He REALLY did NOT want to "go to bed" yet! But I worry about him getting his proper rest... especially with this moulting. Odd, I think, how, he could avoid all the discomfort by sleeping it off (as people often do), but no matter the circumstances, he wakes in the morning and goes through the day, flying about, as though all were completely fine and normal and when the day is done... he seems to want to stay up all night! Truth is, if we could both tolerate it, I'd LOVE to be able to stay awake through the nights... with him... our time together. Whether we're playing or cuddling or what-ever or not, it's such a comfort to my heart and soul, just being with him... in the same room, the same house, under the same roof. No matter where we are, no matter the circumstances, as long as were together, for me, the world is just fine. He truly is my "life", my "Life"... my sole reason for "being".
Anyway, he did hop to his perch for the night when I got him into his house. And with kisses, VERY GENTLY (I won't "cuddle" or "snuggle" because I don't want to hurt him in any way and I'm sure his little body is hyper sensitive these days)... I bade him a "Good seepie-nigh-night"... closed his door, dimmed the light in his room and let him relax... to sleep... I hope.
One thing I have to wonder though: since I'm sleeping in the same room with him, I hope my "coughing", which comes and goes, during the night, doesn't disturb his sleep. It's a matter of choosing, really, for me: being in the room with him, feeling better and more secure in case he needs anything or if any sort of "sound" in the house startles him, or me, startling him with a cough in the dark. It doesn't seem to bother him... his poops are all directly under where he sleeps at night, no sign of "disturbance"... and were he out-side, there's no telling WHAT sounds would disturb his rest. Oh... "Life"... never "perfect".
But at least these nights, there's no weather, no winds, no cold, and NO predators! He's safe and warm, at the very least.
Monday 24 October:
This morning was a difficult morning to wake up to: over-cast and dark, rainy. But I was up and about, in the kitchen, with coffee and getting me prepared for another morning away from my little Heart-and-Soul, and watching the clock. I can't leave the house before he wakes up and I didn't want to disturb his rest but...
The clock read 8.00 and I didn't want to rush through the morning routine (even though I SO wanted him to sleep until HE woke up...) and so, I went into his room to check on him, hoping he was already awake.
His room was so dark, so little light out-side trying to make its way in. I felt so terrible about going in to wake him up (and had thought that I wouldn't... I'd wait for how-ever long it took, and "work" could certainly wait).
But as I softly walked across the floor to his house, I could see the little silhouette on the perch... AND A WING-STRETCH! WHAT A BABE! He WAS awake, just not ready to face the day (and I knew exactly how he felt).
So I slowly opened the door to his house and whispered "You're awake? You've been awake? I'm SO sorry. I want to stay asleep this morning too! Poor Precious Little Guy."
No "woo-HOO's" this morning, but PLENTY OF KISSES! KISSES! AND MORE KISSES! (I was being forgiven for being intrusive.)
When I got the curtains and blinds open I could see that his face feathers are starting to come in quite beautifully but when he stretches his neck, the feathers on the back of his head and neck are sparse now. But he was in a great little mood... And more KISSES, KISSES, KISSES !!!! No matter his condition he's SO AFFECTIONATE! (But I SO WORRY about him. Birds just don't ever show their pain or suffering, even as has been documented: they can be hit, struck... ATTACKED AND MAULED... and there's never any indication of it! I have no way of actually KNOWING how he feels these days, and it tears at me... especially having to leave him alone for the 3 hours every morning! This is my little "Hell"... But he's such an inspiration: no matter how I might feel, if HE can "hide his pain", I can too!)
So, in short order, I got his house and room settled and comfy, got me together and, with a heavy head and heart, I headed out to work...
The GOOD NEWS of this morning: His new "Beanie Dove" arrived today! I've managed to get TWO of the white doves! And so... after looking at the 2, decided to try the "coffee dye" on one. I'd been reading that boiling a fabric in strong coffee will make a good "natural dye" but I just have to make certain that there's NO actual coffee left when done. No bits, grinds and NO caffeine! I KNOW he'll pick at this new "birdie". It's going to take quite a while because of the nature of the fabric and trim, but, at days' end, this one will be in the coffee for an over-night soaking (as I saw suggested on-line). Hopefully it'll take enough of the "stain" from the coffee to be, at the very least, a "dark beige". Tomorrow we'll know. And then... ANOTHER BIRDIE! One white (the original) and one, at best, off-white-to-beige (a little closer to the colours of a mourning dove). I'd thought about using "fabric marker, but I don't like the notion of any "chemical residue" so... a "craft project, and for the Bestest Little Guy in Creation!)
When I got back in from work today, I went, IMMEDIATELY, into his room... he was in his house, in his little loft. I'm glad he has that, and that he enjoys being there. A place where he can rest, recover, in safety, by the window where he can look out on the world (that he was born into).
Right away, I leaned in to say that I was back and that I was there to stay for the rest of the day and he got up and toddled over to me... for... MORE KISSES! AND I COULD SEE THE NEW FEATHERS COMING IN ON THE FRONT OF HIS FACE AND AROUND HIS EYES! THEY'RE COMING IN HEALTHY! I'M SO RELIEVED! (But knowing that they're poking through and MUST ITCH if not out-right HURT... well... it's "bitter-sweet". At least they're coming in properly! THAT'S important. He's healthy enough to produce good feathers... He's getting proper nourishment. THAT makes ALL the difference in the world to me.)
We had the rest of the day together... AND I even took a snooze and Yonah seemed to have done the same because when I woke, he was on the floor of his house, by his door... looking all comfy and cozy and relaxed.
For the rest of the day, I did a bit of work at the desk, for the most part and kept the house relatively quiet, conducive to rest and recovery.. though we did have his bird-songs on. (Birds don't like complete silence because, in the wild, silence is equated with "danger" so I try to have SOME sort of sound at all times so Yonah doesn't feel alone or threatened.)
Tonight though... at 17.00, when I sat at the desk to have evening meal, I'd no sooner gotten settled when, from behind me, I heard "SPLASHING"... YONAH WAS IN THE POOL! I was SO relieved! Surely the water felt soothing with all the moulting, softening his skin to let the new feathers come through easier, and cooling too, for that matter. Today was rather warm, but no sun, and I had the UV light on for most of the time... But, at such a late hour... to take to the pool! (It also made me feel good to know that my Precious Little Guy had that opportunity, no matter the time or the weather, to enjoy a dip in the clean water.) He didn't really "splash" much this time... it was more a "soak". But it must have felt so good because he looked as though he was truly enjoying it all! (And... he looked almost strange... his wet feathers, being so new, gave him the appearance of a little "Punk Rocker"!)
When he'd done, he hopped up out of the water, came to his door perch and gave a good shaking, to fluff-and-dry and was up to his perch to continue preening and drying. And me? I was on with m evening meal. When he'd done drying, he went over for a snack.
From then... I did my washing-up in the kitchen and it was time to get to "evening routine"... water changes and house-settling for the night.
The sky out-side was already so dark, and I knew all the "Yardies" (though we haven't seen any, really, in a while) were already roosting some-where "out there" for the night. It wasn't all that late, but my concern is that my Little Guy get enough rest, especially now, with all the moulting, so I set his "house in order". The Yardies had to go in search of a safe place for the night, my little Heart-and-Soul was already "home"... where he'd be safe and warm, protected from all "out there".
By 18.15 tonight... waters changed, blinds and curtains were closed... back-board was installed. It was "early" but Yonah seemed to be "calm enough" to, at least, settle-in for the night, so I finished putting his roof-board on, set the futon up for me for the night... I put his moon light on, for a little light for him... and for me when I came in later... Seepie-nigh-night time... "tuck-in". We made it through another Monday... together... And another day of this moulting. Tomorrow would be another day... and another day closer to moulting becoming "the past"... until the next go-round...
Tuesday 25 October:
Another 8.00 morning today... and again, no "morning call". These "moulting days" are "heavy" for me because my little Heart-and-Soul isn't in a mood for singing and, it seems, not even coo'ing a "call". So, again, I waited until 8.00 before going in to check on him. Yes, again, he was awake when I got to him, but, as I say, he's so quite now... it's heart-breaking, no matter how I might want to understand. I remember, so vividly, those first nights, when, laying in my bed, in the adjoining room, I placed the flat of my hand on the wall, and pressing it firmly, I prayed for the ability to take what-ever pain and suffering this little Life was experiencing to my-self. I could deal with it, what-ever it was. I knew how to get to medical attention for me... but I knew nothing about how to get the proper medical attention for him! And today, I felt that again.
His room was dark, as it is these mornings and when I noticed that he was awake and I leaned in, I still got morning kisses... soft pecks on the nose, eyes and cheek. No matter how he's feeling, he has the ability to show affection. It's bitter-sweet really. But at least he has a way of letting me know that things aren't "great" but they're "OK"... considering.
His head, this morning, was looking "rough" with the new feathers coming in and the old ones getting ready to fall. And he "paced" for some reason, about his house... across his floor... back and forth. "Pain"? "Itching"? Was he annoyed because of all of this? Who could blame him if he was? It struck me to my core. And the thought of having to leave him alone for the 3 hours again today... I considered just calling the job and saying that I wouldn't be in. But, since I work only "in the next room", as it were, I resolved to take every spare moment possible and come into the house. At least I have that little luxury. And if there are any complaints, let them find somebody else to take the job. I'm not there out of "necessity"... really. And at my age, "fired" really doesn't have all that much impact on anything. So... there's where I managed to accept the circumstances and got on with the normal routine of a morning.
To my GREATEST RELIEF... when I'd done with the water relay... running, as it were, back and forth with the fresh water, there was a sudden "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"! and then a "woo-HOOoo!" (A bit of a "song" and an extended "perch coo"?) It was re-assuring to me and yet, painful in that my Precious little Heart-and-Soul was OK, coming round, waking up, settling-down for the morning and I had to leave! I SO DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE HIM THIS MORNING! Again, I had to assure me that I'd be back and forth and it would only be for 3 hours... and if I chose, I could make the time shorter.
When, at 9.00, I had to leave, I leaned in... He was on his loft, and came toddling over... Kisses... Precious, most-Cherished Little Life... Kisses... I told him I'd be right back as soon as I possibly could be and that he wasn't alone... I was only on the other side of the living-room wall... I was consoling me... I hoped it consoled him too.
Well... I DID manage to come back several times this morning, popping in, heading right for Yonah's room to check... He was in his loft, resting, each time. He was as "OK" as could be expected.
But when I got back from work he was resting in his loft and when I walked in, he stood right up... so happy to see me back! I wet right over to give him some kisses and tell him that I was back for the day, I went to the kitchen to prepare lunch so that we could sit together, as we do each after-noon, to have our lunches together and as I worked at lunch... he came FLYING IN... and, landing on the rug, stood there a while, staring up at me... it was as if he'd come in just to confirm that I was in the house! And when he was sure that I was there... he headed back to his room.
Oddly though, these days, he seems to still have the instinct to "hide" during his moulting. Doves do that, to protect themselves from predators. They're so vulnerable when they lose feathers, and can't always escape (which is what I suspect caused his injuries in the first place anyway... I didn't know at the time, but from looking back at photos of him from then... it was obvious... had I known what I was looking at, at the time.) These days, he spends time, on the floor of his room, at the base of the floor lamp for his UV light. He doesn't move about or peck, as he sometimes does... he just "rests" there. I imagine it IS his instinct to "hide" and he feels safer there, low, and behind the futon, between it and the wall and his house-shelves. It's heart-breaking to see, but it's his natural instinct... and I'm glad he still retains SOME of that... after all, I'll NEVER see him as a "pet" nor a "domesticated" little being... He's a mourning dove, born in the wilds of these Adirondack Mountains... and no matter what, in my eyes, that's as he will always be.
So I made lunch, sat at the desk to eat and let him come round as he wished... and he did... and he flew up to his food... we lunched together...
For the rest of the day, I stayed in his room with him... we had the day together... quietly, calmly. We had our lunches together. He rested. I kept busy... mostly in his room... and at 17.00, we had our evening meals together. And... as the days do of late... before long, the sun-light was gone... out-side his windows the world was black... it was time to wrap up another day...
I got up and took my lap-top and such out to the kitchen, as I do... and got the waters changed, the windows closed to the night.... but as I changed the waters, it seems he realised that's what I was doing and what it meant and he took flight up to the top wall shelf! It's almost as if he doesn't want to be in his house at night of late! I wonder why! Afraid of being alone? Does he feel that comfortable, safe, protected with me around? How could that even be? Did my taking him in to nurse him back make that much of an impression on him that he associates me with "protection"?
Seeing him and how he is these days burns at my core... to think that people, "humans" think of these little Lives as being "inferior", with-out feeling, sense, emotions, "sentience", intelligence. I wish the world could know of Yonah... I SO wish more people would take the time to read these words that I record and learn... LEARN... though, I seriously doubt, with all my being, that it would make any difference to the vast majority. After all, it's as I say to people: "I'm just the crazy old man with the bird". Surely they think me daft. But, I know better, and I can only hope that by recording all of these events, SOMEDAY, SOMEBODY will read them, take the time to understand them, take them to heart... and perhaps... spread the word. I can only hope...
By 19.00, the lights in his room were out. I managed to get him back "home" to his night perch and settle his room calmly. I left both moon lights on... just enough light for him to see his surroundings but dim enough so as not to be too bright... it seemed he was finally tucked-in for the night... My CHERISHED, PRECIOUS HEART-AND-SOUL... Another day behind... another day closer to the end of this moultinhg.
Wednesday 26 October:
I'd been up for a while already this morning and when the clock got to read 7.50, I was getting a bit "concerned" so, I crept back into Yonah's room (because I'd been there through the night, last night... I don't want to leave him alone, especially now, with the moulting, even though I know there's nothing I can do to make it any better... and I'm really only "projecting", as it's called, my own sentiments... I just can't leave my little Heart-and-Soul alone... at night, in the dark... he doesn't have to be alone... and he won't be) and in the early morning dim light, I started folding the blankets on the futon, as quietly as I possibly could.
In the stillness of the room, from just behind me, I heard the softest little "HOO HOO!" My Little Guy WAS awake and saw me. Probably saw me come in too. And, I shouldn't doubt, was there, wondering "What is this human doing? Slipping in here all trying to be quiet and un-detected... as if I don't notice these things." He probably thinks me complete insane... and he might not be all too far from the truth. But...)
I left the blankets on the futon and went right over to his house and peeked in to see the little silhouette on the perch there, just inside the door... and... SUCH WING STRETCHES! THOSE ARE ALWAYS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FIGHT TO SEE OF A MORNING! First the one wing, stretched and rubbed with the leg, and then the other... and then BOTH... UP AND OUT AND BACK AGAIN! Yonah Taube... ready to face a new day! Bring it on!
I opened the door and popped my head in as I do of a morning, for a couple of "Good morning" kisses and this morning, I was particularly careful not to lean in too close, to let him come forward at his own comfort. And yes, a few most-welcomed kisses across the nose and, as usual, in the corners of the eyes. (As much as I'd like to be able to keep my eyes open with kisses, I don't dare... I don't know why, but he always goes right for the eyes... and if I don't keep mine closed... well... I've been poked, lightly, a couple of times when I wasn't paying attention. No problem though. Kisses on closed eyes is better than no kisses at all.)
When I got the blinds and curtains open and the morning light came into the room, I was able to "check the poops" this morning... Right now, these days, they're more important than other days because, the slightest abnormality there means we've got more troubles than simple moulting. This morning's "Poop Report":
ALL POOPS ARE PERFECT!
BUT... the "Morning Moulting Report"...
My Precious Little Guy's head and neck are still so SPARSE... BUT I can see the NEW FEATHERS coming in! That much does my aching heart some good, to see that this moult is almost done. But for now, it still looks so terribly painful, and knowing what his little body is going through, with the new feather poking through, and the itching.. HOW I WISH I could do SOMETHING for him, to make this at least a little more bearable. I've read that it's nice to give a little "scratch" or a "rub" to relieve the itching, but Yonah won't let my hands any-where NEAR him these days. As soon as he sees me reaching toward him, he's OFF AND AWAY! So, all I can do is keep a careful watch to make sure that there's no "complications" with the new growth... no infections or the likes. And if there are? Well, my first line will be to spray some "Betadine"... and HOPE! (I REALLY don't want to have to bring him to a veterinarian... above all else, I just don't trust them... pulling the "MBTA" number and taking him away from me... and if the DEC were to get hold of him... I've no doubt they'd simply declare:
He's 'protected' and he's 'wild' and he can't be released back into the wild, he can't be 'kept' in 'captivity' and, according to their protocol... they'll murder him! He's made it through SO MUCH HELL, really, and so much that he truly never was born for, but he's healthy now, really... and he has me (for all I'm worth to him). no... we'll make it through this... no matter what!
Anyway, I prepared everything for this morning's "water relay" and as I did, he headed up to the top wall shelf for a "visit" and a REAL stretch of the wings and then back to his house. He's got energy this morning too... in spite of all else, and that's not only encouraging but inspirational for me. No matter his sufferings, this Little Life just takes it all in stride. (He IS my GREATEST INSPIRATION... No matter what "Life" throws... WE CAN AND WILL make it through... and I will with the same calmness that my little Heart-and-Soul does.)
Well? The worst of the day came.... I had to step out to go to work this morning and leaving Yonah in the house was a Hell for me. I don't like leaving him alone on the best of days, but THESE days, when I know he's not feeling "tops"... well... The "blessing" of this "job" is that it's only next door so, during my 2-3 hours away, EVERY lull in the day's work, I come back to the house, pop in, all to let Yonah know I'm there for him. It might be a moment, it might be several moments, but I have to figure a way to hook something up so that I can hear him... If I keep this job, I'm considering some kind of "web-cam" that will broadcast to a mobile phone... Yeah... I'm "THAT" obsessed... and I'm unashamedly so. We'll see what's to come... Meanwhile, at least I can run over and drop in... It's a little re-assuring to me.
WHEN I got BACK today, I almost ran directly to his room to find him lounging in his loft... that's where he spends much of his day anyway, and I'm pretty sure that these days, well, it's probably MUCH more comfortable than where mourning doves are known to pass their moulting time: under shrubs and bushes, in the dark, out of sight because they can't escape predators. (Which reminds me: I don't doubt that that's how Yonah got so badly injured; he was probably in the midst of an Autumn moult, so hungry that he came out to get something to eat and... well...) At least, these days, this Precious, Cherished little Life has the ability to lounge in the safety and protection of his own "house", on the little corner platform (his "loft") by the window, safe and secure from any and all would-be predators. (I can't give him ALL that I'd like to give him, but I can and do give him this much...)
So I went over to say "Hello. I'm back and I'm not leaving for the rest of the day now. But I'm going to the kitchen... it's lunch time. I'll be right here... in the very next room." and I headed to the kitchen...
AS I WAS PREPARING MY LITTLE MID-DAY SNACK IN THE KITCHEN, THERE WAS THE WOOSH AND FLUTTERING OF WINGS BEHIND ME... THE LITTLE GUY WAS ON THE MOVE! THROUGH THE KITCHEN, OUT TO THE LIVING-ROOM... TO HIS TREE... A couple "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo's" to the decoys on the limb and as I went back to his room to sit at the desk to eat... flutter of wings again... he was back "home"... and we had our mid-day meal together...
It was really a nice day, temperature-wise. Not very sunny. We had the doors open for the ventilation but the UV light was on... "Vitamin D"... for the new feathers! (Again, I can't give Yonah the "perfectly Natural world" he was born into but... I do ALL that I can to get close to it.)
This after-noon, we had a bit of a "snooze" together, on the futon... I'd been working on the "butterflies" I'm cutting out and colouring-in and Yonah had been in his house, in his loft all the while. But I wanted a little "break", a bit of "shut-eye" so I headed over to the futon and no sooner had my head touched the pillow when my Companion came flying over to join me! He rested in the bend of my knee, made himself comfy and started preening! He's SO comfortable with, around and even ON me! It's such an honour...a privilege... a true "Blessing", really, to me. So I laid there, still, and when he'd done with his preening, he toddled along my leg, down to my foot, hopped off onto the futon and... we actually snoozed together for about 25 minutes!
Soon after... it was already "evening meal" time... so I got up from the desk, put things in order and put my food on the hob.... and at 17.00, as is our "routine" of these days, I sat at the desk, with the day's "news" on the lap-top, to eat... and my Precious Little One hopped up to his own dish... and together, "we took our daily nourishment"... (What a pair!)
Oh... the "High Nutrition" food/pellets that I'd ordered arrived today. I put some into his dish to see how he'll respond/react to something other than seeds. This food is supposed to provide ALL nutrition necessary but, I'll see what Yonah thinks of it. He enjoys his seeds, and pellets aren't something that birds get out in the wild. I hope he likes these and I can add them to his seed diet. He won't eat seeds with cod liver oil, and he's not really fond of the "Moulting Mix" that I add to his food. Picky Little Fellow, this one. The best I can do is "try"... If he doesn't like this food? We'll see if the "Yardies" will like it. No waste.
SO SAD, THESE DAYS, but the night comes on SO SOON, SO EARLY... and by the time our meals were done, the sun had been long gone from the sky, the world out-side the windows was so dark! All the birdies out in the world out there were, by now, tucked-in some-where, for their night ahead, and I try to keep Yonah's life-line as close to "Natural" as possible so... right after the washing-up... it was time for the evening "water relay" already! "Time", it seems, is being stolen from us, Yonah and me. The days pass just entirely too quickly. But, as I say, out-side, the birds were, by now, already roosted some-where for the night and I try to keep as close to their schedules as we possibly can in the house so....
I got right to the chores and changed the water in his pool and got the rest of his house in order for the night's rest ahead. Yonah "supervised" from the futon, as he'll do sometimes. BUT... AS I WAS CLOSING THE CURTAINS ON HIS WINDOWS, HE CAME RUSHING "HOME"... He KNOWS that closing the curtains means the end of the day and "tuck-in time" is coming! (And people will insist that birds aren't bright, can't actually "learn"... THIS Little One has SO MUCH of a day's routine memorised and he responds to it all so blatantly! I KNOW he can't be the "only one" or a "one in a million"... "Cognizance" and "Sentience"... all quite there, quite boldly, quite blatantly, quite obviously.)
Well... by 18.40 tonight, we had both moon lights on and I'd put them on his roof-board thinking the light would come from "above" him but not directly "on" him... and I hoped that it would be just enough for him, in case he wanted to grab a snack and a drink of water before settling-down for the night. But, for the records of the day, we called it a day... "Tuck-in"... 18.40.
(I'll be following shortly... these days we're almost keeping the same hours, even though I tend to get up about 3 hours before Yonah now... I feel an obligation to be awake for him when he wakes now... I WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM ALONE, AS I HAD TO DO WITH THOSE TWO DAYS OF HAVING TO BE OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE THE BREAK OF DAY, BEFORE HE WOKE AND HAVING TO THINK OF HIM GETTING UP AND "CALLING"... TO AN EMPTY HOUSE... NEVER AGAIN! AND ESPECIALLY NOT FOR SOME "JOB"...)
Thursday 27 October:
This morning, I just couldn't get the heart to go in and wake my little Heart-and-Soul, so I waited until just about the very last minute. I'd been up and in the kitchen for some hours, the door to Yonah's room was closed so as to not disturb him. No doubt, these days, he's exhausted when he does get to sleep and sleep might be his only real escape from all the discomforts of the old feathers falling out, the new feathers poking in. So, if he can get some extra time resting...
At 8.00 though, I didn't want to have to leave to go to work before opening his house, the windows, and such so I opened the door to his room, quietly... it was still rather "dark" in there because the windows were all still closed-up from last night but, as I moved closer I could see his silhouette... MOVING! HE WAS VERY MUCH AWAKE... but he never called. I wonder: he doesn't call when he's moulting... and I wonder if it's because he's too tired, fatigued, not in a mood to call, or could it be an instinct that tells him he has to be quiet so not to attract attention... predators? It's a touch on the "sad" side, the morning silence, and worse to think it's because of pain, discomfort, fatigue. But....
When I opened the door to his house and looked in... WING STRETCHES! BEAUTIFUL WING STRETCHES... AND WHEN I LEANED MY FACE IN TO SAY "GOOD MORNING"... KISSES... KISSES... AND MORE KISSES! His little face is still looking "rough " this morning but he's either in a GRAND MOOD or he's GRANDLY HIDING his discomfort... though, I'd have to say that I sincerely doubt I'd get so many KISSES if he wasn't in the mood for such things. HE'S MY INSPIRATION... MY STRENGTH... MY LOVE... MY LIFE... MY.... "HEART-AND-SOUL" !!! STOIC! STRONG! AWE-INSPIRING!
After kisses and all sorts of "I LOVE YOU" and such, I got right to opening the windows up to the morning out-side... It was WINDY... but there was SUN-SHINE out there! It was just coming up over the Eastern hills at this hour, but it was DAY-LIGHT! SO welcome!
And... as I got busy with the running back and forth for the morning water relay, bringing in the fresh and getting rid of last night's water, my Little Supervisor took his stand at his door perch and watched the activities with a careful eye... as if waiting for it to be finished for some reason... AND THEN, just as I was finishing, he headed back up to his "night perch" (the regular perch, but closer to the front of his house... under his heater, beside his mirror there) and when I looked in... MORE KISSES! OK! A GRAND THURSDAY MORNING! (And I felt elated and so saddened at the same time... Elated because my Little Guy was obviously well-rested and in good spirits but so saddened because... I had to part from him again, this morning, until after 11.00 and I didn't want to at all!)
He's got a SUPER appetite today too! And not that we have the "Harrison's" pellets... They're supposed to provide all the nutrition, vitamins and minerals and such, so I'm REALLY hoping my Little Guy actually eats them and enjoys them. They're mixed in with his regular seed mixture but, I have to say that, I don't know HOW he does it, but he CAN "sort through" to get what he wants, and the rest goes out, onto the shelf. (There's a bit of a "pile" of seeds on the shelf almost always... I don't mind because it's never there for very long before I clean it up, but meanwhile, it's a little something "extra" and Yonah does peck through it sometimes. Anyway, I'm hoping he doesn't reject the pellets. He doesn't appear to be "fond" of them, but we'll see how it all goes.)
And so, at just past 9.00 (I'm in no rush to get to work and since I'm actually "on premises" anyway... ) I headed out the door and off to work... Of course, as I do, every spare moment, I was back in the house with my little Heart-and-Soul. 'm trying to figure a way to set-up some sort of "intercom". As it is, luckily, the weather is warm enough so I can keep windows and even the back door of the house open and with the windows in the office facing the back gallery, I can hear what goes on in the house but... If I could get a "web-cam" set up, that would be even better. If I keep this job (I don't "need" it, thankfully, and I'm not thrilled with it so... IF I keep it, we'll work on the "camera" set-up. (I just REALLY do NOT tolerate the separation from Yonah very well. It's a combination of me not being with him and worrying that he'll feel alone. He's never really known me to not be around the house, save the rare days when I have to drive for "major house-hold shopping" and yes, those too, tend to be 3-hour trips and farther away. But, as I say, I don't "need" this job, so... we do what we do until we don't do it any more. NOTHING has "more" importance" than my Little Guy here!
Ah... but... when, at what felt like "LONG LAST", I got finished at work and back into the house, I went directly to Yonah's room to find him there, in his house, on his "beach" BASKING IN THE BRILLIANT SUN-SHINE THAT POURED IN THROUGH HIS WINDOWS! That's the best part of this time of year... though the temperatures are dropping and the nights are getting cooler, the sun is rising and crossing farther to the South and is more direct, in through Yonah's windows! There isn't a LOT of if, and there'll be even less of it as Winter comes along, but what we get is BRILLIANT... and perfect for a leisurely "bask". (I don't know how much of the needed "UV" manages to come through the glass; I've read that windows decrease the strength and UV is what Yonah needs... for vitamin D and such, but what UV is lacking is made up with warmth, and there's so much of that that comes in through the windows... and it's obvious that Yonah enjoys it because he splays his feathers, eyes closed... And for me, it's a tonic to my old soul, seeing him and knowing that he CAN bask there, calmly, with NO concerns about predators or ANYTHING that would cause him any harm. It's one of the few things that I take comfort and consolation in.)
HAD to change the pool water though, today, after the basking, because there was quite a bit of "food" in there. It can't be helped, the food shelf is on the same side of the "house" as the pool. (I wonder if I shouldn't consider getting and even larger "house" but then I think: Yonah doesn't "live" in there. He's got the entire house here and "his house" is primarily a place by the window where he "roosts", either during the day for a snooze or to relax or through the night. It's not really "his place of residence" so... it suffices and serves the purpose. And changing the pool water really isn't a bother at all. This time though, I put "tepid" water in, in case my Little Guy wanted to take a "dip" after his basking. No need to put in cold water; I've noticed he likes to drink cold water but for "swimming", he'll wait until the day's sun-shine has warmed it a bit. So now... instant "warm" water... "heated pool", to be sure.
AND... this after-noon, at 16.30, my evening meal on the hob... radio was off, bird-songs were playing, I was doing a little work at the desk, the room was calm and from behind me I heard... "SPLASH"! My little Heart-and-Soul was in the pool! A little batch after a day of basking! It MUST have been a welcome relief to him (and it certainly was to me), a little reprieve from the itching of the moulting. It must have felt so soothing. (And again, as it does anyway, but more-so now, during moulting, it was a relief to me. My Precious little Companion has his own pool, with clean water, where, when the notion takes, he can just hop right in for a nice soak.)
So, we had our little evening meals together this evening, with the day's news and right away, after, we got to the evening water changes, twice tonight, because of the "bath". The water isn't "dirty", really, but there IS a bit of the "dandruff" from the moulting and too, any "dust" from the new feathers and the old. Not to mention: the pool also serves as a "drinking fountain", so, clean water is a MUST... always.
TONIGHT, HE LET ME "CUDDLE" HIM AGAIN, AS HE STOOD AT HIS DOOR PERCH WHEN I GOT HIS HOUSE SETTLED AT END OF DAY! AND... ALTHOUGH SOME-WHAT "RELUCTANTLY", HE LET ME STROKE HIS HEAD AND NECK AGAIN! Since the moulting started, he hasn't let me touch him at all. I've read that it's OK to give "scratches" and "rubs" to stop some of the itching, but it always appears that even the slightest touch "bothers" Yonah, so if I reach out to him and he backs away, I don't pursue. So tonight, THIS was a comfort and consolation to me. Looks like the moulting is reaching an end! He's made it through another "sojourn in Hell"! It pains me to think of him having to go through this. And it instills even more respect for the Little Ones of the wild; they TOO, have to be subjected to the inconvenience and discomfort. For the ones in the wild, the inability to fly properly, the itching, the pain and their instinct to "hide", under the over-growth, on the cold ground, I look at Yonah and think of all the things I've done and try to think of even more to make HIS "journey" as easy as is possible. I never feel I do enough, but, it HAS to be better than crouching in the dark, under a bush, and always having to be aware of hawks, crows and the local domestic cats. He's sage, warm, protected... as he should be, as is his due.
By 18.50 tonight, the sky out-side was grown dark, night had come already. Waters were changed. My PRECIOUS LITTLE GUY was already on his night roost. I turned the desk lamps off and put the moon lights on... dim light, no noise, and, with some kisses "Good night" (even with the moulting, we STILL exchange our "Good night" kisses), I closed the door to his house... My Heart-and-Soul made it through another day... and was tucked-in, cozy, warm, protected... for a good night's restful sleep.
Friday 28 October:
Today the "call to wake"... 8.00.
Last night, again, when I came into the room, and got the futon, from his house, I heard Yonah give that soft, almost-silent "WOO!". It wasn't as though he was "startled". It sounds more like a little "acknowledgement", that he lets me know that he's aware that I'm in the room and that he's letting me know that he's seen me. It makes me wonder: I've read that doves (and other birds) tend to "half sleep", where one side of their brains "sleep" whilst the other side stays aware, watching for predators. Here, now, my Little One doesn't have to be concerned with such things, but, I wonder if that part of his "natural instinct" doesn't remain, is it just who he is and that even when he appears to be "sleeping" he's still only half-sleeping. The comfort is that, when the lights are out and the room is dark, he settles, calmly. (And I wonder: does he find it comforting to know that he's not alone, that I'm in the room with him. If so, it's strange to think that I, a "natural predator" other-wise, am now a "comfort". People have said that "we", Yonah and I, are now his "flock"... if that's true, what a MAJOR HONOUR it is to me! But no matter what, as long as he's OK with my presence, I'm consoled. It was never my intention to have this little Life here all this while. But better, I feel, that he be here, provided with his needs and safety, than to have been put back out into the yard here, where he was so brutally attacked, and even as remote as the possibility might be, could have been attacked again. This isn't the "life" he was born into... but here, he has all the nourishment he needs, a safe place to "be" and though it's not the open world, he isn't confined to a little cage in a corner... Yonah is NOT a "decoration" or "trophy"... he's my Companion... my sole reason for being and I'll always do ALL that's humanly possible to make his time here as close to perfect as possible.
Now, that said, this morning, the "I'm awake" call was Yonah's usual "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo", though it's still quieter than other times. The "moulting" is still obviously draining. BUT... when I opened his door, he was preening! Getting the "new feathers" all in line for a "proper presentation" for the new day ahead. AND, almost immediately, he took off, a quick flight out of the house, over to the wall shelves. Morning exercise? He didn't stay there very long though, this morning, and he watched as I went about my morning routine in the kitchen and got to the running back and forth for morning "water relay"... putting fresh water into his pool and little water dish (which he seldom uses, but I feel better having there, in case the pool is used for bathing... he has "clean" drinking water on the side.)
This morning... no kisses... hmmm... OK. I suppose we're all entitled to "those" mornings. I'm just relieved to see that his poops looked fine, and he had the energy to take a flight, no matter how far or long. He's OK this morning... and so am I (because he is).
The rest of the day? Well, I popped out to work and kept coming back to check on him. He spent most of his time in his loft. The sun shone in so it was warm there. He got his "basking" and "snoozing" in the comfort and safety of "his house". No doubt, he needs these days of "leisure"... as the moulting finishes, new feathers come in and establish themselves. Personally, I look forward to when it's all complete... This is a time when I truly feel, to my core, so utterly useless to him. There's really nothing I can do to make it all pass. But, again, he's not on the cold ground, hiding in the darkness. I suppose that's better. And if the warmth of the sun-shine feels good, then, here, he can enjoy that with-out a care about the rest of the world.
What was REALLY FASCINATING today: several times, when I would talk to him, Yonah moved his beak, AS IF HE WERE TRYING TO "TALK" BACK TO ME! HE DID QUITE A BIT OF THAT TODAY! AND I WONDER WHAT HE'D SAY, IF HE WERE ABLE TO FORM WORDS. It's endearing, really, as well as fascinating and perplexing. And this too, reminds me of my inferiority to him. He makes it SO OBVIOUS that there are words or phrases that I say to him that he's come to understand: "seepie-nigh-night", "lunch", and, from his responses, he even understands "I LOVE YOU". BUT me? When he coo's, although I'm coming to "learn" SOME-WHAT, the differences in the "tone", volume and variations in duration, the best I get is "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo" in different combinations. Yeah, the "superior" beings... THEY, the Little Ones, are the "superior" beings in Creation. And how I SO WISH I could get the message out to the rest of the world: those little bundles of feathers out there in the yard, the meadows, the wood-lands are more cognizant AND SENTIENT than most could ever imagine! (I doubt, sadly, that it would make much difference in the way the majority view them, but... hey! At least I get to record the information here and MAYBE, ONE DAY, SOMEBODY WILL SEE ALL OF THIS AND PASS THE INFORMATION ON. It's my way of being a "liaison" of sorts, a "spokes-people" for the mourning doves of the word!)
But the poor Little Guy... He MUST be exhausted after all of these days of itching and pain and such! But today is his first "full" day of the new "Harrison's" pellets, so I'm hoping that he actually DOES eat at least SOME of them, for the nutrients, even though I put a special "moulting mix" in with his food as well, and that this new food does give him SOME extra strength and resilience to and against a larger array of any "threats" to his health and well-being.
ONE THING I HAVE TO NOTE: THE NEW FEATHERS ON HIS HEAD, NECK AND AROUND HIS EYES ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK NICE, FULL, HEALTHY... AND MORE... THE LITTLE "RING" AROUND HIS EYES THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "TURQUOISE" AND HAS BEEN SUCH A PALE GREY FOR A WHILE, IS DEEPENING AND RETURNING TO THE BRILLIANT TURQUOISE! THINGS ARE IMPROVING! SO I KEEP WATCHING... HIS EYES ARE CLEAR. HIS NOSE AND FACE ARE CLEAR. HIS VOICE, THOUGH SOFTER, IS CLEAR. AND HE DOES HAVE ENERGY. IT'S BEEN TOUGH... WE'RE MAKING IT THROUGH!
He still doesn't want to be "cuddled" though. I can't "hold" him, to bring him to my shoulder or carry him "home" at the end of the day. But he IS letting me stroke his head a bit and he DID allow me to gently "hold" him today, as he stood on his door perch. I even got to give him the most-gentle of kisses today... though not very many. But every little bit is an improvement and a source of encouragement and hope. "Time"... to heal... (for both of us, though, for Yonah, more-so.)
For the most part today, we were together all day, and the sun shone in BRILLIANTLY, through the windows. Light, warmth...
And I worked more on the cut-out "butterflies" I'm making as a "mobile" of sorts for the room. Something that will "move", provide a bit of motion in the room (if this all works as hoped here). I managed to get all the ones I want immediately, cut. So far, there are 8, but if I can and if it works well, I'll make more and just keep adding.
One thing that came to mind today is that I have to be careful where I hang them. The idea is to string them with fishing line, string them up close to the ceiling, but I have to be sure NOT to put them in any of Yonah's "flight patterns". SO, I need to figure a length, shape and location... For now, the cutting is done, patterns will be drawn and we'll take it from there...
This evening, right after our evening meals, taken together in Yonah's room, the skies out-side were already dark! The days are so obviously short now, and the night comes quickly. So, since the birdies of the world were already tucked away and roosting for the night, I thought it best to get Yonah's place together for him to settle-down for the night. We did the water relay and closed the blinds and curtains, especially against the chill of the night that tries to make a way into the room.
I'd no sooner finished with the evening chores and sat back at the work table, to make notes for today's Journal when my Little Guy hopped over to his door perch and roosted there... watching me. The room was calm, quiet radio playing... our day was coming to a close.
I HAVE TO NOTE THAT HE DOES LOOK A LOT BETTER TONIGHT THAN HE HAS IN RECENT NIGHTS! THE NEW FEATHERS LOOK HEALTHY, AND THAT COLOUR AROUND HIS EYES IS GETTING SO MUCH MORE BRILLIANT AND BACK TO WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!
My heart still breaks though... because I can't KNOW, absolutely, that he's "better". I can tell that he's not 100% "back" yet. It's painful to me, not being able to be 100% certain about what he's going through and what he has yet to go through...
Well, OK then... I didn't rush tonight's "tuck-in", but I did want to make sure my Little One got enough rest, but at 19.40 he was up in his loft, looking as though he was ready to call it a day, so I got the futon set for me for the night ahead and got his house set for him for the night too. Desk lamp off, moon light on, I thought it would give him enough illumination to get to his "night roost" (and so it did, as a matter of fact). This was "tuck-in" tonight. (Oh, the days grow shorter...)
It broke my heart, this evening, to "move me" to the kitchen and leave my little Heart-and-Soul in his room, but, it was only for a little while... tonight, we sleep together... He's not alone..
Saturday 29 October:
I'm not comfortable with this "working schedule" of mine these days. I don't like working on Saturday anyway but of late, it's even worse when I think of this "gig" being 6 days every week and giving Yonah and I only one day with-out interruption and intrusions. It's trying my nerves, being away from him and the people at work aren't really the nicest... we'll see how much longer this lasts.
So I was up and about already this morning, because I had to be at work at about 8.30, and when the clock read 8.00, I didn't want to leave my Little Guy in his house, and I wasn't going to simply open his door and leave so... I went into his room to check on him...
His room was still relatively dark, the sun out-side hadn't quite made it high enough in the sky to bring any brightness through the blinds and curtains. I quietly started to fold the blankets on the futon and as I did, I glanced over to Yonah's house... I could see the little silhouette there, on the perch... He turned his head to look at me... HE WAS AWAKE! I WAS THRILLED! I didn't disturb him, he was awake, just not in the mood for a "chat". I quickly finished what I was doing and went over, opened the door to his house, leaned in and...
KISSES, KISSES, KISSES! Sometimes it really is like old friends re-uniting after years of separation! And it hoists my heart so high to be so welcomed first thing of a new day! And the kisses were my "sign" that my Precious Little Guy was feeling well! What a relief, a difference from theses days of moulting and KNOWING, because I could see that he wasn't feeling as well as he'd like to.
Knowing he was good, seeing all the poops in one place, and looking as healthy as they could be, colour, consistency, location, knowing he'd had a calm night last night, I got to opening the curtains and blinds to let in what dim morning light waited for us out-side...
But when I had his house back in place and leaned in to get things ready for this morning's water relay, my face was just close enough... MORE KISSES! It was, at once, SO WONDERFUL, and yet SO HEART-BREAKING... Wonderful because Yonah was obviously well, but heart-breaking because I had to leave for the "longer day"... Saturday is a 3-hour day which runs longer because of the inconsideration and selfishness of people who will wait until the very last moment to come to the door. And today, it was obvious that Yonah was rather looking forward to us being together! (Again, it's nice to have the little extra income and most of it goes to making a better house and home for my little Heart-and-Soul, but we made it through before this income.. )
As I headed to the kitchen to set things up for morning water relay, Yonah was UP AND OUT AND UP TO HIS ROOF-TOP! And there he stayed, to supervise my coming and going as fresh water replaced last night's fresh water in his pool...
Came to the last moment... I had to step out for open the office and before I did, I stood on tip-toe to see up over the top of his house and reached up to cup him in my hands... a little "cuddle"... he came toddling over to me and... EVEN MORE KISSED! Yeah, this morning was difficult, but I resolved to opening the office, getting as much work done as possible as quickly as possible and coming back to be with my little feathered LOVE! He wanted to be together? We'd be together as much as I could possibly arrange. After all, I don't call him my "Heart-and-Soul" lightly. There is NOTHING of greater importance in Creation than Yonah... If not for him... no me. And that's truly quite literal.
And so, that's how the morning hours passed: I DID managed to be in the house with Yonah more than I was in the office, and yes, of course, there was that "one" who showed as I was closing... but I made quick business of that one and....
When I got back to the house, to my Little One, he was basking... in his loft! Grand sun-shine coming in through his windows today. And after I made my "Hello's" I got straight on to preparing for our lunch... together.
As I fussed in the kitchen, Yonah moved to his "beach", the section under his loft where it's all sand and the sun strikes perfectly to bathe him in light and warmth. I noticed today... HE'S REALLY LOOKING SO MUCH BETTER! FEATHERS ARE HEALTHY! THE TURQUOISE ROUND HIS EYES IS EVEN DEEPER, RICHER, HIS EYES ARE CLEAR AND LOOKING MORE "ALIVE". Between all this and this morning's kisses... WHAT A DAY!
As I settled at the work table for the after-noon, and to have lunch, I noticed that Yonah's ingesting the white "grit" on his beach. It's actually the larger bits of the "play sand". I "washed" the sand, as I did with the river sand, to make sure that there was nothing "harmful", no chemicals or other toxins or "insects" and the likes in it, and "baked" it, thrice, at 400°F for several hours each time. The "washing" removed the fine "dust" that, if inhaled, would cause horrific respiratory injuries, so all that was there was tiny bits of what I learnt is "quartzite"... a "common grit" that isn't at all hazardous. And it's actually only in Yonah's crop and "gizzard" to grind the seeds he eats. (I have to get him more "granite" grit, which is what's sold for birds, with added oyster shells, for calcium.) One of the best aspects of this "white grit" is that I can see that it's clean, un-like the river sand which was dark brown. If there are any seeds or poop in this white grit, I can get rid of it, quickly and completely. Anyway, it's better than NO grit. Not, I'm to understand, that grit is an "absolute necessity" but if doves use it in the wild, my Little Guy will have it here!
After we'd had lunch, I had a bit of a lie-down... for about 45 minutes... AND YONAH HAD A LIE-DOWN WITH ME... AT MY HEAD... ON THE PILLOW AND ON THE BLANKETS! WE NAPPED TOGETHER! He let me nap... I guess he knew I was tired, and, no doubt, he's still recovering from his ordeal too so....It amazes me when he comes over to snooze with me. I would NEVER have even imagine such a thing! Oh yeah... we're "the flock"... we even nap during the day together. (If only I could get to a perch with him... what a couple!)
We passed the rest of day together, in his room. I did a bit of "work" at the work table, between general computer and a little "crafts" with the butterflies. (And tomorrow... we have a WHOLE DAY TO US! NO LEAVING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! AT LAST!)
And, at 17.00, as is our "schedule and routine", we sat together, me at the work table, Yonah at his shelf... and after... again... the day out-side had given way to... another night. Another day... behind us.
Right away, after the washing-up, I got things together for the evening water changes and Yonah took to his top wall shelf so he could supervise. But, at 18.30, when I thought he'd want to get ready to settle-down for the night, he wasn't having ANY of it! So, I played a bit with him up there on the shelf and then went about getting the rest of the room settled... for me, for us, for the night.
Got him home, and when I opened my hands, he hopped to his loft... got rather settled and gave me a soft, little "WOO!"... soft and low. (Maybe a "Thanks for the lift."?)
So, I put both moon lights on, the desk lamp off. The room was dimly lit so that he could find his way to his little night roost and I stepped out of the room. "Tuck-in"... Our Saturday came to a close... I was exhausted, but mostly because of the anxieties of this job, and I was looking forward to a quiet night's rest, to come, with my BESTEST LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL... and tomorrow... with no need to leave him.
Sunday 30 October:
I laid on the futon this morning, until 8.15... the room was quiet, Yonah hadn't called. I was, for a while, half-awake-half-asleep, having no idea of the hour and not really caring, since there was no cause to get up and about and out. I decided to wait for "morning call" and to see what time Yonah would wake this morning.
But when I looked over to his house... Yonah was UP already... and on the floor of his house! (I got up quietly, went to the kitchen to check the clock... )
When I came back into the room, I figured it was time to "open house", so I walked over, opened the door to his house and leaned in to say "Good morning" and... I got a couple of kisses this morning and almost immediately after, my Little Guy was UP... and OUT and into and across the room to his wall shelves! (I must have missed the wing-stretches and morning preen... hmmm...)
From the shelves, I got one "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo"... not very loud but just enough to make a "morning statement" to let me know that the day was officially under way and it was time for me to get to the morning chores (water relays and the likes). But he was FINE and WONDERFUL and the poops were HEALTHY and Sunday had arrive... and we had a day ahead... together! And when I opened the curtains and blinds, there was a clear sky out there! Sun-shine in the forecast!
I headed out to the kitchen to run this morning's water for the "relay" and to get some fresh food mixed for my Precious Little Companion and as I worked, from his room, I heard the "whistle of wings". He was UP, UP and AWAY!
And as I ran the water relay, the sun rose above the Eastern hills and POURED IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS! BRILLIANT!
I made quick work of the morning chores and came to settle me at the work table for the day and had so much to "catch-up" with today. These days of taking 3 and 4 hours chunks away just pile things up! So, as Yonah busied himself round his house, and took a couple of flights out to the living-room, I got to getting "our house" together.
At noon, we took our lunch break, together. And this after-noon, the sun was SO BRIGHT and SO BRILLIANT, and must have been so warm, Yonah took advantage... and had a bit of a "bask"... tail and wings splayed, grabbing every possible bit of the light and warmth.
We played the radio. I worked. We took "play breaks" when he grabbed my attention... from the futon, with "woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo!" and wing-snaps. And we played "CHASE" AS HE RAN ACROSS THE FUTON, STOPPED, LOOKED AT ME, GAVE A WING-SNAP. Honestly, sometimes he truly does resemble a puppy more than a dove! And the wing-snaps are just SO ENDEARING!
Well, that's pretty much how our Sunday rolled today. But the best... THE VERY BEST OF IT ALL WAS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE, DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLACE TO BE OTHER THAN IN THE ROOM WITH MY BESTEST COMPANION, MY LOVE, MY HEART-AND-SOUL... ALL DAY! And the sun-shine just made the whole day all the betterer... especially seeing Yonah basking, so comfy, so calm. This is HIS world now, HIS territory, HIS house... HIS "home" and there's nothing to intrude on any of it.
At 17.00, we settled-in for evening meals together as we do. I still tend to wonder: has Yonah adapted to my meals routine or have I always been adapted to his? I used to try for evening meal, in particular, at 17.00 but for quite a while, before Yonah, I'd fallen out of any routine. And "meals" were simply an inconvenience during a day when, I had other things to simply pass the time. But, since Yonah's become my Life... I make certain that I keep my-self in best of health so that I'm here for him... "for as long as" (as was said on the day of his attack). Now it's not a matter of "paper in a box" and "comfortable for as long as"... NOW it's a matter of making sure that "being" "Living" and "Living" is "Life"... not simply existence... for BOTH of us!
By 18.00 meals were done, the washing-up was done... the day-light was done too... the sky out-side the windows had gone so dark so soon, so we got right to the business of preparing the room for both of us for the night ahead... water relay, closing the blinds and curtains against the darkness out there and the chill of the night that would try to make its way into the room as we slept.
Yonah? Well, he wasn't really quite ready for "tuck-in" just yet and as I put the futon together for me for the night, he made himself rather comfy on the back of the chair at the work table! Oh my! But, as I say, the sun had set out-side, and out there, the "birdies" were already all "seepie-nigh-night" and claims are (in my research) that mourning doves normally get 12-14 hours of rest at night so...
I managed to get the Little One back "home" for the night... I tried to "carry" him but as soon as he saw me coming toward him, he was having none of it and headed "home" on his own... SO THERE!
It was 18.45 when the desk lamp was turned off, the moon lights were turned on, and Sunday was officially closed. Yonah was "tucked-in" all safe, sound, warm, cozy, toasty... and I was soon to follow.
My resentment: Sunday went by too quickly, and because of having fallen behind during the week, "time" was stolen from my little Heart-and-Soul... this "job"... we'll see where it goes. Bad enough days fly by so quickly any more on their own... I don't need to have any of what little time I have with my Little Guy taken. We shall see... indeed... we shall see...
Monday 31 October:
Well, back to the "work-grind" this morning and I was up and about, preparing the house, having coffee when, at 8.00, there hadn't been "a call" yet. Of course, I "panic" when there's no "call" by 8.00, so I went in to check... nope... "woo-HOO" BUT, as soon as I made my way to "the house" I could see the little silhouette... WING-STRETCH! HE WAS AWAKE! No "call", but he was obviously awake and waiting for me. I wonder, on days like this, why he waits. What is he thinking? Am I intruding when I show up? But I still get kisses when I lean in for them. And I feel guilty, when I see him in his room, in the darkness of the early morning, in his house, the door closed. But the LOVE in the morning... from BOTH of us. I believe he knows that I'll be there... soon... and my PRECIOUS LITTLE GUY is so patient. He's my inspiration, my mentor in SO MANY WAYS! He's been my "LIFE", nothing short of my "being".
What makes these mornings all the more difficult for me is having to get him together, get his room and house in order and then... having to leave him. And especially when I get back and the day goes as today went....
I did have to leave again, for work, and I DID make sure to come back to "drop in"m, give a call, check in, let him know that I'm NOT far away. And each time, he was right there, in his house, as relaxed as he could be... as if waiting, again, for me to come in, situate myself at the work table so that we could be together.
Even though we might not play together all the while, or talk with one-another constantly, we're together. I'm there where he can see me, and know that I'm with him, that he's not alone. All I can do is hope, with my all, that that's enough... for now, until I don't leave every morning... and that day is coming, quickly.
When I got back today, I made it in to see my little Heart-and-Soul immediately, to let him know I was back and that I wasn't leaving again. And I headed for the kitchen to put things together for us to have our lunches together... AND HE CAME FLYING OUT TO THE KITCHEN TO BE WITH ME AS I GOT THINGS GOING! HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME... AND, TRUTH BE TOLD, I WANTED (OF COURSE) TO BE WITH HIM. And it always strikes me as such an HONOUR, A PRIVILEGE when HE makes the move to come to me, to stay with me. I suspect he can sense my thoughts of sadness at leaving him for these hours every morning. Some-how, I can't help but think that he's happy to have me back, and that he's trying, in his way, to tell me that he understands and that I shouldn't worry so much. (But I do worry, and I do have pangs...)
For the rest of the day though, we were together. I had MORE than enough to keep me in the room with him, and where-ever I went, kitchen, living-room... he was with me! And we played, we cuddled, and there were SO MANY KISSES... mostly because HE started them! WHAT A DAY!
And for me, it was DIVINELY GLORIOUS BECAUSE MY LITTLE HEART-AND-SOUL IS BACK! HE'S FEELING SO MUCH BETTER! And now... so too, am I. And I've resolved: it's time to start winding this "job" down. As I've said, I don't need to be back at work and the anxieties just aren't worth it. It doesn't pay terribly well. I took it on a lark... I'll leave it with more thought and consideration.
And so, this evening, I put my evening meal on the hob as we do, and at 17.00, my Best Companion and I took our break from the day to sit and have our meals together.
But, as the days now do, this one turned so quickly to the night. Monday came to a close and today, with it, with the day, the month came to a close as well. October... our "Anniversary Month". TWO YEARS... and when I think back, I can still remember what this date was like, in 2020... And I look at this little bundle of LIFE and LOVE and I'm still so deep in absolute AWE !!! To see this little Being today, fluttering about, perched on my shoulder, exchanging little pecks, kisses. When I try to think of days with-out him, my mind just shuts down. I can't imagine a time with-out Yonah... and I don't want to even consider a time with-out him. And if that time should come, after all, as I've come to learn, the average life-span of a mourning dove (in the wild) is a mere 1,5 years and here we are, TWO years together... and in a "best scenario", five years is the best average... and here we are, entering OUR THIRD year together... my mind and heart won't allow me to think...
Before Yonah, I merely existed, just patiently waiting for my own existence to simply come to a close. With Yonah, I have a firm resolve: I'll be here as long as he's here, and as long as WE're here, I'll do ALL I humanly can to make his existence a LIFE!
By 18.30 tonight, the evening routine was complete. Waters were changed, the blinds and curtains were drawn closed against the work out-side the window panes. The house was in order, Yonah's room was settled. The futon was made for me to follow... My Little LOVE was in his house, on his night-roost, tucked-in safely, warm, protected from elements and all that might cause him harm; fresh food, fresh water readily available should he want or need. The moon lights were on, the room was dimly lit...
With him making such a "come-back" it's so painful to tuck him in now... for the night... and the day-light hours are so short these days, and about to get even shorter. But I want him to get his rest.
And, oddly or not, we're almost keeping the same hours: I wake just before he does, and I go to sleep shortly after he does. I'm up to greet him in the morning, and there to tuck him in safely at the end of the day... I wouldn't have it any other way... I won't have it any other way....
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